What's Wrong With This Picture?

in Comedy Open Mic3 months ago

Hello, you. You know who you are. It's raining. A lot! I'm not going out there. I'll write, I said, I'll go to the library because they have WiFi and it's less awkward than a coffee shop unless we're in Amsterdam and write something.

I forgot the iPad. Shit!

Not off to a good start. So I read some Bukowski I haven't read yet and went to the gym.

I forgot my earbuds. Shit!

I had to listen to everyone's conversations and couldn't fake like I can't hear them and point to my earbuds when they say something even though when I point to them like that I most likely heard everything they said and only pretended not to because I'm not interested in hearing them but couldn't because I forgot my earbuds.

I'm in a comfortable place now in case you're wondering. I tried connecting this paragraph to the previous one and this happened. Continuing on.


The other day I was trying on sweatpants, don't hate! They're comfortable. If you're not wearing sweats right now you wish you were.

So I'm sampling designer leg wear. Waist is right, just seemed a little short, that's why I tried them on. Pura was right outside so I asked her to grab me an extra large so I could compare lengths. Medium's a little small, large is comfortable, the pair I tried on were large. She knows what size pants I wear so when I called out, 'will you grab me an extra large right quick so I can see what it looks like?' a fairly crowded department store heard a female voice loud enough to carry about 20 feet to where I was, "you're not extra large anything in pants."


What do you get when you click an Elon Musk headline about Starlink in Ukraine?

Redirected to his Twitter page where I screenshotted a few people in the comment section beginning with Antony.



Uhm, what? And 127 people liked it!

What in the world is Antony trying to say? I have no idea what he's saying. Pooverty? Remind me to never have an autocorrect that doesn't fix pooverty. 8 billion people at 1 billion dollars each is 80 quadrillion zeros. Musk doesn't have that many zeros. Maybe Rutto can bring some clarity to this.

Rutto, you got your ears on?



What in the fuck did I just read? He said fact.

Twice.

I have so many sleepless nights thinking about this fact.

I can't stop thinking you should be embarrassed.

They're suggesting if Musk gave 8 billion people 1 billion dollars each, he'd only be out 8 billion dollars. How do they even think these things? And then say it keeps them awake at night. 8 billion people at 1 dollar each is 8 billion dollars, not 1 billion each but that still doesn't explain how we got 25.

From 300 billion, he said he'd still have 275 billion. 8 times NoThing equals 25.

Let's see if Ibeey can make sense of it. Ibeey, you getting all this?



No.

Way.

There's no way this is real.

56 people liked it! Who's doing the trolling right now, me or them? No way these guys are serious. Where's Ashton?



Fact. They're engaged in a serious debate about numbers that don't exist.

And it's all on the www. I saw it a couple weeks ago, I'm pretty sure there were more debaters involved. I didn't take screenshots until now, these are the ones who didn't delete their comment. One more.



Uncle❗️

No probs bruv. Dems bussin phat. Sound dawg totes. Gimme the deets yo!

They have their own language too.

The other day we're at a Trader Joe's, a stateside grocery chain my wife's infatuated with, TJ's. She calls Trader Joe's TJ's.

So we're at TJ's where these two girls who were probably in college but I don't think should've been left unaccompanied in the produce section of TJ's are inspecting and/or shopping for produce. Not sure they purchased anything, just pointed and said weird shit like strawbs micro'd are delish.

What language is that?

Strawbs micro'd are delish.

I know what I heard. I know what she said. I know the other girl agreed because she picked up a basket of strawberries and said I so know, right! but I have no idea what she so knows.

Two more.


We made our way north along the East Coast beginning in Miami. The closer you get to North Carolina, the deeper you're in what they call The South which means less residents move their jaw when they talk.

A good ol' American southern drawl is unmistakable. If you open your mouth slightly and hold your jaw still when you talk, no lips or jaw movement at all, use only your tongue and the roof of your mouth to form words and say hi, how are you doing? but it sounds like hu, huwy'all dun? you're doing it right. If you go west from North Carolina and make it to Kentucky, they don't even use their tongue anymore so when they get to talking it sounds like an endangered species documentary.

Anywho.. So we're in Georgia. Not quite North Carolina but north of Florida so jaws are beginning to display signs of laziness. We're en route to Tybee Island where I took this picture and need a cover image anyway so here goes.



We pulled into the only gas station we saw on whatever single lane road that was, surrounded by forrest and swamps and nothing else. Pura had to pee.

I don't even think about it anymore when I see a gas station or rest area, I stop out of habit. Sometimes she doesn't need it, mostly she does. So we pulled into whatever gas station that was wherever we were. She won't go inside these places by herself so we got out, locked the car, went inside. She walked directly to the back of the store toward the paper plate that said R̶e̶s̶t̶r̶o̶o̶m̶ in black magic marker.

I grabbed a Coke Zero and a couple waters.

Now I'm in line behind two other gentlemen, both look like they've been on the farm all day, one taller than the other. The tall guy's wearing a sleeveless plaid shirt that's in desperate need of an oil change, matching camo pants tucked into his boots and a cowboy hat. Either he and the cashier know each other or it's customary to talk about cooking moonshine in Elsy's parents old basement with the station attendant.

Behind him and in front of me is the shorter guy. He's a little older and probably wouldn't mind shedding a couple pounds. Denim overalls with no shirt underneath, sandals and socks. He's cradling about 10 cans of cat food in his arms like an infant which I was unaware was cat food until they went rolling across the floor.

In walks a lady who looks toward all four of us and, in her Southern Charm having, lazy jaw'd, southern drawl voice:

En ya'all jivawatt icket chuck?

Which translates to Is anyone driving a white pickup truck?

No excitement in her voice, just a question. No sense of urgency or anything. I know she isn't talking to me but nobody seems concerned.

En ya'all jivawatt icket chuck?

:crickets:

She points behind her with her thumb, turned around and walked back to the door. Before leaving, she looks back at us one more time:

El it's Rollin' out da Arkin'lawt.

Dude in front of me dropped all those cans and hovered across the station floor in socks and sandals like each step was one step closer to a million bucks. I looked outside and sure as shit, there goes an unoccupied white Chevy truck rolling backwards through the parking lot toward the gas pumps.

He got to it and jumped inside before anything happened. It stopped. No damage to him or the truck or anything else. But, for the sake of comedy; it hit the gas pumps, exploded on impact and everyone died.


Much thanks @amirtheawesome1 and @merit.ahama for keeping ComedyOpenMic on their toes.

And lastly, this one's called No Commentary Necessary. #OnlyInTheSouth.



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Thank you for proving my point about society.
A bunch of dumbasses.

🤍198

You're most welcome. And thank you for accepting my proof.

i guess some people don't bother with math anymore! 😁🤣🤙

or Elon went from billionare to billion billionare.. which could happen, i guess..

Makes it easy to write jokes I guess.

What's up man, what autocorrect do you use?

😁😂 oops, i guess i am as bad with spelling as some people are with math..

Ah yer doon grate!

I hope I'm that clever when I get stuck in a mobility scooter.

And damn, I knew a billion was a lot, but I never realized that a billion was actually more than a billion. No wonder all those rich fuckers are so infinitely rich.

Additional clever points if your mobility chair has a cushioned toilet seat.


Good morning Miss Crow. Funny, I was just reading comments between you and bulldog-joy yesterday about peeing and diapers. I swear I thought it was F'ing funny and has nothing to do with the toilet seat mobility chair.

Additional clever points if your mobility chair has a cushioned toilet seat.

Why bother ever getting up again??

It's freezing season again. Time to break out the depends.

Yeah I saw these comments as well at the time, idiots :)

Is Georgia, gorgeoas? (gorgeous :P )

Never been there but have seen some recordings which looked fab..

Have a good week ahead!

To this day my only online experience is here and the one before here. Judging from a few screenshots, I'm not missing anything.

Georgia is gorgeous. Savannah is pretty remarkable. The architecture and history and culture and seafood cuz it's right on the coast is pretty amazing.

Thank you!

I'm pretty sure those dudes hating on Elon were paid trolls or something. The message was too consistent and stupid to be just people bad at math.. that's what I'm going with.

It's a good thing that pickup truck rolling backwards didn't smoke that dude in a wheelchair in the drive through lane. Seeing it now though, I'm surprised I haven't seen anyone do that before but have it on my bucket list to commandeer a wheelchair and hit up a Chick Fil A or something just for fucks.

Chic Fil A, in the south?! Shoooot, y'aint gawn be d'only chair in datdare lan mmkay.


Whaddup! Let's go with trolls then. Robots, paid opposition, something. Any of those makes more sense than an actual heartbeat.

Thanks for checking this one out, Cmplxty. How's your wife doing man? How's the H20 going?

So what size did you buy then? I need to add this knowledge to my doomsday information bank.

Hope you're both well. Coke zero? Really?

Large, of course, so what if I stand close to the toilet!

What's up Nathen? Thanks for checking this one out. Comedy pieces are the toughest for me—nervous wreck. I'm always what if I'm the only one who thinks it's funny.. sure hope it's not just me who thinks it's funny..

Yeah, can you believe that? Went from addicted to most things at one time or another to sober since as of Aug 2 - 2014 and counting, to Coke Zero. I like to have about one a day. Of all the vices I've ever had, I wonder where it ranks.

AHH I didn't realise you didn't drink anymore as I have on numerous occasions offered to take you for a beer. Apologies.

You're comedy posts are cleverly written because they make people laugh using narration rather than comedians who mainly use mockery to get a laugh. How long will we be waiting for the book?

Lovely pictures in Paris of you both, its a truly beautiful city.

I just realised that ecency will notify me when a 'favourite' post so I won't miss anything again!

Take care, the pair of you :-)

You know it's bad when you have the date etched like the death of a parent. Don't feel bad. Go ahead and order me a beer, no worries dude. I'll trade it for a water (because it's passed Coke Zero time) and respectfully remind you I'm driving.

Your car!

Thanks for asking! I've been able to get in two library sessions recently and add some paragraphs. I hear these things can take a lifetime to write, I think I can get it down to a year or two.


Really glad you liked those pictures man, we had a great time. Only the second time out of all of our travels she said she'd like to live there. Wasn't expecting that. We had our guard up prior to France and left pleasantly surprised. Nothing but good things to say.

She has the stylish elegance of a French woman, she would fit right in.

You however.....

Anyway. Piss off..I'm watching football ;-)

Wow. I don't think I have words for the tweets. Twitter itself has been never my thing and now I feel validated XD

Road trips are the cornerstone of my existence, and the hilarity I have witnessed in southern and Midwest gas stations is just one of the reasons. One time in Louisiana a couple corn huskers followed us from the parking lot in order to pass us, slow down and shine a light on their back window...which was a giant Confederate flag...hating Yankees is a true thing in some places (NY plates :0)

Sorry I'm late, I would have been here days ago but I grated my finger along with some cheese and didn't realize I could easily change my fingerprint until today. I am actually serious, my fingerprint has not been accepted for days XD

Fun fact—I do all the grating. Pura got her knuckle so good a couple years ago we agreed I'll risk my knuckle instead.

Hello Dreemit. Thanks for keeping an eye on me. Have you been coast to coast? We should compare notes about states. Suthern'z sump'n else MmKay!

That's the closest I've been to Twitter. Never been to any of them. To this day, the extent of my social media experience is the block before this one and this one. Seems I'm not missing anything.

<3

I have been coast to coast, in fact I paid for the biggest cross country trip we ever took in 2018 with Steem! On that one we went the southern route on the way there, met one of our fellow steemians @therealpaul in Arkansas, then across OK and TX to New Mexico, stayed for a bit, went to Arizona then Santa Cruz CA, up the coast to hang out in Oregon, all the way up to Forks WA- which was an incredible place- then across the north back home. I've been up and down the east coast a gazillion times. Lived in Florida, NC and spent a year on a mountain in the Mark Twain National Forest in Missouri. In 2020 when most people were still on lockdown we spent a few weeks in South Dakota where they never shut down. Hung out at Sturgis motorcycle rally with a half a million other crazies XD

I still have a few states left on my list to visit, and several more I want to explore in much more depth. But there's a good chance our next big trip across will be on a motorcycle :0)

This will be fun. There's only about 8 or 9 states I haven't been to. Lived in, like at least a year or more, 7.

Which is the dirtiest, just trash, more than anywhere else?
Are you living in your favorite one?
Which is scariest?

I'm not sure there's an entire state that's trash, but if I had to choose I would probably say New Jersey.

NY. No,not my favorite, but only because of legislation. The finger lakes region is absolutely beautiful- and extremely safe in terms of natural disasters and wildlife- we have mountains, rivers, sooo many waterfalls, huge lakes and forests, and just four or so hours south there are gorgeous ocean beaches(on Long Island where I was born and spent half my childhood) but there may come a time that we can't live with the increasingly Nazi rules. The only problem is that the two states I've been so far that I would most want to move to- Northern Cali and almost anywhere outside of a city in Oregon- have similar political issues.

Okay, your turn, same questions :)

Sorry for the delay.

Northern Ca, good choice. My wife is from The Bay and I'm from Los Angeles—born and raised so I'm always gonna put Ca on top, everything: Food, culture, atmosphere, weather, et cetera.

Jersey is pretty bad, agreed. Ever been to New Orleans? Louisiana is undoubtedly the dirtiest. What a shit hole.

Only time I can ever remember feeling intimated in my own country was the night we passed through Columbia, SC, and I'm from Los Angeles!

There's only a few states I haven't been to: both Dakotas and north of Pennsylvania, pretty sure I've been in at least 40 states. I've lived in for like years at a time about 8 I guess.

This was great, the math part really made me laugh (I mean wow!!! this is for real : Incredible!).

Much thanks Pegarissimo. Comedy has always been kinda hit and miss here, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Yeah those screen shots are something else. I'm still not convinced they're serious.

There are 8 billion people in the world, if each donates 3 million we'd all have at least 8 dollars each after all the tax.

Those are some pretty friendly taxes. Donate 3 mil and receive 8 bucks.. Sold. Who do I make the check out to?!

Just laughing at the screenshots so far. Those are people´s mentality about Elon Musk! To me, let me just close my eyes and pretend I didn´t see anything. Lol

Hello Princessbusayo. I don't think we've met. I'm DanDays - The Luckiest Guy I Know. Pleasure to be met!

So if you have 300 billion frogs and then they have 100 million tadpoles but the water's only ankle deep and there's 8 billion people on earth, that means there's 6 tires on a unicycle.

I have so many sleepless nights thinking about this fact.

Hello Princessbusayo. I don't think we've met. I'm DanDays - The Luckiest Guy I Know. Pleasure to be met!

Yea, I am just meeting you for the first time and it's my pleasure 😊
Hehehe... Sure, you are lucky! I am, too 😚😊

This fact seems tough to understand. Still thinking about it though 🤔🤔

This fact seems tough to understand.

Yeah it'll never make sense. Even when I intentionally try to sound as ridiculous as an Elon Musk comment section, I don't stand a chance!

!LOLZ.... Not having ear buds made me laugh....

Oh my.....! And the commentary about Elon Musk's wealth on Twitter and everyone contributing in it is soooo hilarious. It is like people just don't evaluate things. They just hear and add to it illogically. Nonsense!

Strawbs are delish.......! Hahahahaha

I had some sof banans 🍌

Well hello again. = } Posting content to COM has always been toughest for me. I'm a nervous wreck up and until I click post; sweaty palms, irregular chest beats, the whole 9 (billion). So, thank you. I'm glad you liked it.

Still hard to believe those people are serious like who's crackin jokes, me or them?

Any idea what in the hell she meant by "micro'd?" Strawbs micro'd like huh?? Microdosed.. Microwaved.. Microchipped.. What does that mean!!!!!

Hello.

Posting content to COM has always been toughest for me. I'm a nervous wreck up and until I click post; sweaty palms, irregular chest beats, the whole 9 (billion).

I can relate to this. Though I have some ideas in my mind for writing in this community yet I have posted only twice here. The same reason. I fear my content might not be funny enough.

Still hard to believe those people are serious like who's crackin jokes, me or them?

Seriously it is hard !LOLZ

MICRO'D .....! Let me guess

May be they had some code language that only they understood 😉

So much going on here I feel like we should all wear earbuds all the time. Maybe even stick them in our eyes so we don't have to see anything so deranged.

Man some people have too much confidence and very low Math IQ. It makes people with average intelligence seem like genius and also cocky for pointing it out. I feel bad for the pooverty guy though. I too am a bad a neglectful types. But maybe he was referring to poor people who get shit on a lot. You know, next level poverty. Pooverty.

Also imagine the truck rolled back on that last guy...

!LOLZ

I like your profile pic.

Hello Mimi. Long time no see, wheryinn?

Touché on the cocky part. If I came across cocky, it was farthest from my intention. I even tagged jokes. And lol.

Pooverty is next level poverty, can't believe I missed that, good eye. Autocorrect got me again!

Thank you.

Hey Dan,

I have been around! Just been a bit sick these past two weeks, and what with life and work commitments and a 3-year-old who sounds and acts like she is permanently on Ecstacy, i have to apply energy where needed the most. I prob had covid as I was extremely chesty but never got tested, coz whatevs, man. Life carries on. And you were probably not expecting my whole life story, but yeah - How have you been?

If I came across cocky, it was farthest from my intention.

Not at all - I was just referring to the general when one applies copious amounts of common sense. People, for some reason, get offended by common sense - I'm speaking of experience.

Pooverty was a shot in the dark. But i hit that poophole right in the eye. You are welcome! !PIZZA

I'm not sure what you mean be I what that poophole right in the eye but it sounds shitty. = }

Hello, again!

Covid. Yeah, the best way to beat it I've learned is don't get tested. My wife had it about a year ago but I'm only saying that because the test said so. Her work required testing, otherwise we never would've known.

Love the description of your daughter. I'm imagining about every sound she's capable of making with the exception of a whistle, all while practicing drum rhythms on anything she can reach.

Autocorrect really likes to fuck with my confidence. Just when I had some self respect. Now I have to start from scratch again. What supposed to hit. Must be fat finger combo.... Holy crap I almost pressed send on fat ginger.

Yeah man. Lucky I work from home. And freelance. So I just don't reply to people for a few days and they don't notice. Maybe they think I'm dead. But the world carries on. I hope your wife wasn't too sick. I think I had it quite easy. Just super chesty.

My girl is awesome. Makes me extremely tired. But she also melts my heart like no other. We are very lucky to have a little fire cracker. Beats having a sad kid, and she is anything but that. 🙂

I'm probably way outside what's acceptable and politically correct per usual but after witnessing my wife experience it, I think the collective world overreacted. We expected trauma and agony and life threatening and yata yata when really all she complained about was a weird light headed type dizzy feeling for a week which, in all actuality, people pay a lot of money to achieve. Slight loss of taste according to her but had the reports not mentioned it, I doubt she would have either.

I shared her chapstick, water, et cetera trying to catch it thinking it was in my best interest to get it and get over it but so much for that. I rarely get sick. In the six years we've been together, she's only seen me sick once. I remember it, we were in England and it was snowing from the ground up. But even then, I had a minor cold I guess that was gone the next day.

So, no covid for me. Ah, shucks. Now just if my skeleton and leg and back and spine and head were as resilient as my immune system!

Kids. Never had any. About all my friends have some though. They love me. After about age 7 that is, won't say a word to me before that but they love me. 1-6 - silence. But something about age 7, seems as soon as they get there they won't SHUT UP! = }

I can't agree more re your covid response. I didn't even get vaccinated. Well I did later on like halfway after getting so much shit for months. But logically it made no sense to me hot the vaccine worked. Sounded like a flu shot. After first shot I feel I was more susceptible to being sick. My husband as well, and he never gets sick, just like you. So I just never bothered. At least people stopped asking me if I'm vaccinated now.

Kids are strange cats man. I have 17 nieces and nephews between my side and the in-laws. Big fams. The older ones are in their 20s. I like them when they are 2, lots of fun and don't give you attitude. But I'm enjoying this 3 year old too. Fucking rude but love how the mind is making little inferences. I generally loose the kids at around 10, they also become pretty boring band awkward..then we reconnected as older teens and adults. But yeah, is they like you, they generally never shut up. Serves you right for being the cool uncle Dan!

Watinhellmakesyathankyaneedtamoveyoretonguetatalk?

Tybee's one of my favorite places on the east coast, wherebouts are y'all staying? If it's open, CoCo's has some damn good food.

Ahshucksyasawdathuh?

On the only Main Street. Super small town, can walk to the only coffee joint open in the am. First time here. I bet it gets pretty crowded in the summer, kinda ghost town right now. Cool little spot we didn't know about til now.

Shorenuff.

It is a cool little place. I've spent several weeks there over the years, really love the place. Thought about moving there at one point. It can get a little crowded in the summer but it's still a hell of a lot less crowded than say Myrtle Beach or Hilton Head. There's a pirate thing they do one weekend later in the year (October I think) that brings out every frat boy within driving distance but otherwise it's pretty chill. How long yall there for?

Leaving in the am. Usually when I talk about it, we're on our way out. Usually. This place isn't too small for you? Or are you one of those everyone knows everyone kinda city people?

I could get used to these sunrises though.

Nah, I grew up in a place smaller than that, entire county had about 7000 people. Plus with Savannah so close you can still get the perks of the city any time you want.

The sunrises are the shit, I'm not a morning person but I'd always get up and go down to the beach for them there. If you go to the south end of the island you can catch some badass sunsets on the bay.

You ain't kidding. Sunrises and sunsets, best of both worlds right there. I had no problem making the sunrises. Only caught one sunset south.

We both like Savanah a lot; culture, food, weather only sucks a couple months.

7 thousand?? We had 7k in my high school freshman class.

Yeah there was 72 people in my graduating class and it was the only high school in the county. The kind of place where your first name doesn't matter, just your last name and everybody knows your family.

Ain'tcha glad yer back in 'Merica? We're many things, but seldom boring.

Even when I have to what, huh, say that again please, what and have no idea Wtf they're saying, culturally understood is comfortable.

If there's one thing that southerners deeply understand, it's people who don't understand. I can see feeling comfortable when confused and among them.

I hadda feelin it'd be o'er yer head.

I appreciate your brief consideration for where my head was at in relation to other things.

Don't mention it dude, that was the first time I didn't say shin. I'm glad it was received well

I thought I done told 'em that them there won illion imes ate illion euals 8e+18.

I TeLlZ YoUz WhAt!!!

El philip I jarincall me tewzdee, iz upsad downin the calcamajig mmkay.

Mighty finaya feller.

Wow look who we have here 😁
It's so nice reading from you
And yeah, it's fun watching this community on it's toes hehe.

I'm not I'm in for Elon and his Musk troubles 😂 I'd chose to skip all I just read... But can't staring at that first image though 🤔 (I don't mean the screenshots hehe)

Well hello merit.ahama. It's because I was just commending your role in COM the other day that this material even made its way to my keyboard. So thanks for inspiring me to put together some funny stuff. It's all your fault!

<3

Haha for the first time, I'm feeling like a star to be accused with those words "It's all your fault" 😂

The screenshots were so funny. Like it's their reasoning that's just so funny. The first one got me most though

Yeah they make it easy to write jokes. Welcome to your second month on Hive.

Thanks for the warm welcome!

Heck... Society Sucks.

forget airbuds at home meanwhile even having a headphones on listening to music walking down street a random Guy on car came by and said remove that headphones, I said what and why? He replied, so you can listen to People.

I was like that's exactly why I'm wearing these. Nevermind, sorry for adding this shit.

!LOL Your humour tho. Wen or where I can buy tickets to see your standup comedy ser?

The first time I saw my future Wife was at the local Zoo.
I just knew she was a keeper.

Credit: reddit
@dandays, I sent you an $LOLZ on behalf of @idksamad78699

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(1/1)

That sure was nice of you to say. Thank you. Not an obligatory thank you, either, a real one.

What's up man? Glad you liked this one.

That's another thing, what you said. Todays society thinks they can do that too and just barf their opinion on anyone in real life. Never have I ever considered telling someone I've never met what to listen to.

Buncha entitled mufukers.

Thanks for the chuckle brother, love the way you word things, thanks for translation.

Those tweets were also funny, what the heck!

Yerighty elkin'am.

My pleasure farm-mom. They can't all be touristy lovey-dovey mush. = } Glad you didn't mind it. Sorry for the you know whats.

They're kidding right? I could laugh about it but really, they can't be serious like sweatpants.

I really thank also those who do the most in these spaces ha,ha,ha,ha, for keeping #comedyopenmic active. This story was crazy, I was able to keep my attention reading every line ha,ha,ha,ha hey I wish I could walk around in those clothes, plaid shirt and smell like I just came in from the farm. You have something against seniors ha,ha,ha I am one of those people. I get the whole headphones all the time thing, I'll try to gesture without talking every time I see someone with these devices ha,ha,ha,ha

A hug @dandays and thanks for your time

My pleasure. Thanks for yours too.

I don't think we've met yet. If we have and I can't remember, sorry about that. Pleasure to be met!

Hell no I don't have anything against seniors. I count on mine to keep me out of trouble. In my 20's not so much but the older I get the more I count on you.

I'm glad you liked this one lisfabian. Thanks for checking me out. Don't be stranger.

That means I got nothin...

Well since you put it that way it must be an equation.

You have an eye that misses nothing, wicked man😂 I can just see you at that gym and your brain ticking over!
As for those tweets, those people are mathematical challenged for sure, I had to take two, did I read right? Elon can save all 8 billion from pooverty😂😂😂
Thanks for the chuckle - socks and sandals are the pits🙈

You're most welcome Lizelle. Thank you. Sorry for the you know what's. = }

Ticking over. Funny, regularly Pura reminds me how when most feel uncomfortable, I think it's funniest. That library, for example, I'm punching on the keyboard. Dude across from me won't stop making weird gurgling sounds and he's burping, hand in and out of a chip bag, watching videos. "Edgar" comes in, I know his name is Edgar cuz the security guard knows him by name—asked him to stop bringing sandwiches inside. Edgar sits next to me, he knows burping guy. Burping guy leaves cuz Edgar won't leave him alone and then he tells me how burping guy is crazy, does his finger in a circle around his ear, yata yata yata. Pura's, "see! When everyone else would get up and leave you think it's funny."

This is a long a response.

Math. They MUST be joking. Has to be a joke.

Hahaha, lucky you to see the funny side of life. I can just picture that library scene, you've painted the picture very well😅
Thank you for the long response, brightened up my day some more and never mind the you-know-what, it has to escape 'somehoow' or 'somewear'😉
You missed your calling @dandays, that quick wit needs bigger audiences. Hardly anyone reads around here these days🙄
Have a grrreat Tuesday and keep on sharing, we need more chuckles around here💕

Ah you're the best. Lizelle encouragement never gets old. Really appreciate these words, thank you.

Comedy has always been a challenge here. I'm always so nervous to click post after putting together a piece that's supposed to be funny like I hope it's not just me who thinks it's funny....

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I paid so much attention to what's going on behind him the gif broke.

Hi there Dan, heard i may can find some comedy over here... can you please give directions! Never mind, found it

a fairly crowded department store heard a female voice loud enough to carry about 20 feet to where I was, "you're not extra large anything in pants."

Hi there Dan, yeah sorry I made it so hard to find glad you were able to find it!

Can you believe that, geez. Next she's gonna announce how close I have to stand to the toilet.

Good thing she thinks I'm funny!

Good thing to you definitely... Now i understand why you say "the luckiest guy i know" on your profile.

Now i understand....

I thought I've always been clear what makes me The Luckiest Guy I Know. Her. It's all her fault.

Ha, don't blame her for everything.... 😁

!hivebits
!PIZZA
!LOLZ
!BBH
!CTP
!ENGAGE 100
!LUV
!BEER

@dandays! Your Content Is Awesome so I just sent 1 $BBH (Bitcoin Backed Hive) to your account on behalf of @eii. (1/1)

@eii. Thanks for keeping an eye on me.

😳

I had to zoom in to see which emoji that was and I'm not sure you're aware but the emoji and the can in your profile pic are the same color.

The Little things...

We see em.

Sometimes they just don't mean shit. Others there is a hidden meaning. A mystery to be solved. Which one is it here Java Slayer..?

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I didn't know you could get emojis in a can.

No comment. "Ya'll"

HappySinfulAsianporcupine-size_restricted.gif

🍕 PIZZA !

I gifted $PIZZA slices here:
mimismartypants tipped dandays (x1)
@eii(1/5) tipped @dandays (x1)

Learn more at https://hive.pizza!

Lol, this is intriguing, in a common sense, the money were be shared to people and not on twitter I guess

Well, hmm, how do I put this? If I wasn't confused after Elon's comment page I definitely am now.

Lol,, why should you be confused??😃😃😃

I'm going in so many directions right now I forgot when my birthday is. I'm blaming it on that.


Hello @temi-lee. Welcome to your first month on the blockchain. Looks like you're finding your way around well. I've been here awhile and still get confused how things work sometimes.

If you get tripped up or need a hand with something, shoot me a line. I don't know everything but I'll teach you everything I know.

<3

Lol, funny enough,😆😆is it possible to forget ones birthday?? I really think I can't believe this..

Well I am just trying my best to figure out thing but trust me, it hasn't been so easy for me, I just summon the courage to try my best..

Thanks so much friend 🤠 I really appreciate your kind heart I will surely come up when I am in need of anything..

Congratulations @dandays! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s):

You received more than 11000 HP as payout for your posts, comments and curation.
Your next payout target is 12000 HP.
The unit is Hive Power equivalent because post and comment rewards can be split into HP and HBD

You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word STOP

Check out the last post from @hivebuzz:

HiveBuzz World Cup Contest - New Sponsor - 50000 Ecency Points added to the prize pool!
HiveBuzz World Cup Contest - Collect badges and win prizes - More than 4500 HIVE prize pool

Who is this Ass Nugget.?

Annnnd why is it stalking you .?

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Screenshot_20221121-202100.jpg

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Do you think it's possible to hurry up and do another post? Yes, I'll leave a proper comment on it.


Been meaning to ask you, have you seen the catacombs?

Hello. Yes, we've been in a couple actually in a couple different places.


Life has been really fast. Like crazy things and exciting things and wtf things all at the same time. I'm busier than an auctioneers toothbrush.

But the dust is settling nicely. I should be able to update your feed shortly and I'll take you up on that proper comment when I do. <3

Hello. Yes, we've been in a couple actually in a couple different places.

I'm super curious and would love to see photos and hear about it.


I'm busier than an auctioneers toothbrush.

What a vision, lol! Yeah, we all need an update and more.

'll take you up on that proper comment when I do. <3

Done.

Paging Mister Dee Ayes...

"Crickets"untitled.gif

Man, I got my hands in so many things right now I don't have any fingers left for keys. I miss you guys too.

The dust is settling nicely. Quite a bit to catch you up on, just gonna need a little more time.

I wonder who will get here 1st.??

You..?

Or this guy...

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I could do this ALL NIGHT.!!

but i gotta get some sleep to drive to TexAss in the am... So.

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Did you intentionally word both sentences to resemble a 90's adult film title? Whaddup!

Outta the three Asses; TexAss, ArkansAss and KansAss, KansAss is the shittiest.

Thaaazzzz aladda Azzzz...

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Dear @dandays,
May I ask you to review and support the new HiveSQL Proposal so we can keep it free to use for the community?
You can do it on Peakd, ecency,

Hive.blog / https://wallet.hive.blog/proposals
or using HiveSigner

Thank you!