The Sunday trouble

in Comedy Open Mic10 months ago

Greetings People!

I had a strange encounter today....

Just like some of you know, I'm an usher in my church, and I freaking love that ministerial service more than LOVE.

My church is a big church one that welcomes all manner of people, especially ladies with their seductive dressings, which, if you're not anointed as a guy, you will quickly accept hell's ticket with ease. But we (ushers) have a way of handling such people and of the patterns are;

  • Ladies with revealing clothes shouldn't sit at the edge so they won't make the preacher starmer
  • Such ladies should be channeled into a safe zone to save some brothers in the church from collecting back their life from Christ.

Image source

While I was on duty today, I saw this Melanie sparkling girl with Australia hair...a clear definition of what we call 'black Mami water'( mermaid), sitting at the edge of the row, with her legs widely opened, calling for candidate of hell to respond.
Because I was backing the preacher oppositely facing the lady), I was able to see everything and my body almost shivered but...

She wasn't a newcomer because I was sure I had seen her face before, so she sat down there deliberately to look for my basket of trouble because she knew I would come and approach her to move to the inner seat.

I knew it wasn't going to be easy because she's a slay queen with a four-camera phone.....iPhone that's costlier than my Hive net worth.

I invoked all my courage, and they assembled instantly. I adjusted my clothes very well, and I wanted to spray my $600 worth of perfume to turn off her head when I meet her but oh no!, My perfume was at home.

From my position, I walked to her, bent down, and put my mouth close to her ears like I wanted to kiss her. "Hello ma, Could you please adjust to the next seat because of your dress?" I said to her.

"What do you mean by dress?" She asked in a troublesome tone.

"Maaa, your dress is very beautiful, but the length is somehow too short to allow you to sit here," I replied, pointing at the skimpy helm of the gown resting on her magnetic lap. If not for the fact that I was a spirited guy, my 'man' would have let out, but thank God it didn't.

"Usher, please let me be, you're disturbing my peace," she said in a slight high tone that attracted the attention of people around her.

I raised my head, smiled, excused her, and continued ushering other people in a way to recharge my skills because she just won me on that try.

Funny enough, my pattern (a female usher) on the same angle with me was watching and laughing at my battle with her instead of coming and helping me talk to her gender.

While ushering other people and facing her, I saw how revealing she was; everything was showing, and that was the moment I knew she was sent...to either the preacher or me. I am just hoping that the preacher had not seen anything.

I summoned some courage again and approached her.
"Ma, please, you're putting my duty at stake. I would be queried at the end of this service if the pastor notices my inability to convince you to move inside." I pleaded with the mindset that my words would get her, but no, she replied, "Wait, did they send you to me today?", She angrily got up, picked up her bag, and walked away from the auditorium. The people who noticed the drama became surprised at her decision.

Normally, I do not need to feel bad because I was doing the right thing, but I don't know how it happened, I just felt the urge to go after her.

So, I signalled my partner to come occupy my position, and I rushed out.
Surprisingly, I saw her heading out of the church premises (going home). I ran towards her, stopped her, took my time to explain to her, and she was calm after 3 minutes of talk.
She agreed to go back, I carried her bag like I was her boyfriend and led the way, which she followed.
She was shy to enter the auditorium, so she pleaded to sit in one of the extensions, and I allowed her.

Peace reigned.
Fear Ladies!

Thanks for reading

Sort:  

Well then. This was good. We encounter things like this daily. Even in church.

Yeah, it's now a NORMAL mostly in churches.
Thank you for coming deraaa

Kinglsleyy you'll not kill me with laughter. That's why me I quietly went to hospitality unit where people's insults are not plenty but you tried to be zealous and went for ushering. That's nice. I'm sorry for the embarrassment sha. Our Church welcomes everyone so I hope she changed her ways after the preaching. Mr. Shiverer.😁

Hospitality unit in my branch here, their work is so soft... just smile and carry first timers to their canopy.


This kinda Experience, it's what we see almost every Sunday and it used to be interesting Sha, after winning the battle. lol😄

Mr. Shiverer.

I did not actually shiver. That was just a make up word🌚

Thank you so much for coming, Jhymi

just smile and carry first timers to their canopy.

Ahh. Mine isn't that easy o.🤧

That was just a make up word🌚

Still. I maintain the fact that, that's my new name for you.

Ahh. Mine isn't that easy o.🤧

You guys count?

Aside counting, there's no big work there. Except you write the minutes of the church as the secretary. lol🤣

Still. I maintain the fact that, that's my new name for you.

It won't work🤧🤧

Hmm, hope you didn't collect her number when you ran after her because I'm still trying to figure out how you were able to calm her down, I know ladies they don't take humiliation such as that likely due to their insecurity and sense of identity.

Pop in from #dreemport

Collecting of numbers? 🤣🤣🤣
I don't collect numbers sef... maybe I should start cos it seems I'm missing spot. Lol😄

For sure, ladies will always like to have their ways in things like that.

Thank you for stopping by boss

You are welcome

almost shivered but...

Don't come and be lying here. You shivered 😂😂😂

talk to her gender.

And what is the meaning of talk to her gender? What's wrong with her gender now?🙄

Don't come and be lying here. You shivered 😂😂😂

Me that's boasting everywhere that you know me up to 90%. You fall my hand!
I don't shiver anyhow ooo! I'm anointed 🏋️

Yay! 🤗
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