Short Anecdote From My Dating Days

(Art made by myself)

I'm sure farts rock a lot of relationships like they used to rock mine back in the day when I used to date.

You and your lover spend a lot of time together, long enough for the times when farts come knocking on the doors of your booty orifice to pop up every now and then. When that happens many new immature relationships have the lovers going far away to detonate these farts but in real mature intimate relationships (like the one I had which I'm going to talk about today) the lovers let it fly in the presence of each other.

Sometimes they have a little playful semi-serious fights or quarrels due to these farts. Especially when they've been incessant that day. Like girl drops a fart:

GUY: Oh God! Your farts are evil, go outside or to the toilet when you want to drop them.

GIRL: You've forgotten all the times you did yours huh? Do you go out or to the toilet?

GUY: Mine are not noxious like yours!

GIRL: Says who?

GUY: No matter what, though, you've been dropping too many lately, it's enough.

GIRL: Shows him her tongue.

GUY: (Frowns hard) Don't worry, my own turn will come.

GIRL: Come on, babe, I'm sorry. Okay, I won't drop anymore. (Pecks him).

Stuffs like these.

So many variations of this happen in these mature relationship. Sometimes they laugh and chase each around the house. Sometimes a lover starts begging for forgiveness once they drop one, promising it was a mistake and that they wouldn't do it again.

In this anecdote I'm going to talk about, I was in one of these mature relationships. Overly mature cos I keep it gangsta like that 🌚.

Alright, so what happened was I farted one day and the following conversation ensued:

GIRL: (Frowns and looks at me with fiery eyes)

ME: (Laughs)

GIRL: (Is not amused)

ME: When you're alone you fart a lot, right?

GIRL: Yes.

ME: No matter how smelly it is, you never get angry with yourself isn't it? You don't get disgusted, you breathe it in with a lot of ease and even if you cover your nose sometimes the fact remains that you handle it a lot better than you would have handled someone else's fart, and the odour does not do you a lot of damage, lisn't it?

GIRL: Yeah, true, a person doesn't hate on their own farts like that.

ME: Yeah, you get it. So, babe, you remember when I used to live in that country house where I used to go defecate in the bush?

GIRL: Yes.

ME: Anytime I go to the bush to make it happen and I come across someone else's poop on the way it gets me really angry, almost ruins my whole day. But anytime I see my old poop around, as far as I know it's my poop I never get angry. Soon I thought about it and realized that my poop doesn't look so different from these other people's poops but the only reason I get angry is because it's someone else's and not mine. You understand right?

GIRL: Yeah.

ME: I'm not about to say that I started accepting these other people's poops and started feeling comfortable around them, they're strangers, you know. What I'm trying to say rather is that both of us are not strangers, we are lovers and we can actually achieve a true acceptance of each other's farts, you know. Me and you can decide today that we'll accept each other's farts and treat them like our own farts whenever any of us drops it.

GIRL: (Looks at me like I was a monkey doing makeup)

ME: Would really be good for our relationship, you know, it's all in the mind and we can decide. You know, the same way you can comfortably stay in the midst of your own farts no matter how devastating they are because of the knowledge that they're yours, you can decide to take mine like that.

GIRL: (Can't take it anymore and comes after me)

ME: (Houdini)

THE END

Roll with @nevies, I run a Humor, deeper thoughts and sex talk blog here on Hive🌚

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