Many of you seem to have enjoyed my LIght Roast post, which was a huge relief to me. When you drop a post like that, there's always some anxiety about how it's going to be received. You never know who you might piss off, and whether or not it'll trigger a never ending string of (GASP!)... downvotes.
I don't really mind if people dislike, or even hate me. I don't even really mind if a post I write gets downvoted to 'content muted' oblivion; I'll keep writing. I just don't want anyone to feel bad about what I wrote. If I upset someone, instead of making them laugh, then I failed.
So why would I even write such a post? It's in my nature. As the title suggests, there's something in me that likes going against the norms. I didn't write that roast post because I wanted to antagonize anyone, and certainly not because I wanted to say or do anything hurtful. I wrote that post because of the rules.
I've never really understood rules. I mean, I understand what they are, and I understand that people feel there's a need for them, but I don't really understand the why. Rules are, basically, a reminder not to do shitty things. The problem with that reminder, is that shitty people don't pay any attention to the rules. Just as well, because most rules evade common sense anyway. If you do pay attention, you're likely to end up a little confused.
If you've been following me a while, you probably picked up on my feelings about rules right from my first post in this COMmunity. My feelings about rules never changed, and I've struggled to stay within them.
How did this lead to a roast post? Well, have you ever looked at the COMmunity rules? (That's a question I wouldn't bother to ask in America... even the ones that can read never really pay attention to anything... but I'm sure some of you smarty-pants have at least looked at them.) I've read them at least a hundred times, and like with all rules... I have some basic questions.
Rule 1. No posts under 200 words. Lazy posts will not be promoted.
So, does that mean that I CAN'T post a post that's under 200 words, or will it simply not get promoted? What if I come up with something SO funny, I can make everyone laugh in just 20 words? Would such a post get muted in the COMmunity?
I assure you, I'll find out eventually 😉
That leads me directly to the rule that led to the roast post:
Rule 2. Abuse or bullying will not be tolerated.
That's one of those rules that personally, I don't think needs to be written. Good people don't abuse or bully other people, and bad people will just ignore that rule. For good people like me, with a thick bad streak in them, I see a lot of grey area in this rule.
How far can I go before it's abuse? A lot of comedians have a touch of masochism in them, so they like a little abuse. Is it abuse if they like it? Who decides if there was any bullying, the person getting bullied, or the COMmunity?
Did any of you feel abused or bullied? Plenty of 'Karens' here in America would have found some abuse in that post. I got banned from Twitter for roasting a racist.
I don't really know if I've been like this my whole life, I don't remember anything before I was about a year old. Certainly, by the time I could read, I was questioning everything, so I've definitely been like this for over 40 years.
My schoolteachers were the first to bear the weight of my abrasive relationship to the rules. It's not that I wouldn't follow the rules... all of my teachers (when I was in elementary (what many of you might call 'primary') school) agreed that I was remarkably pleasant, intelligent, and well mannered. It wasn't that I didn't follow the rules, but I would question them, and the authority behind them, thoroughly, during class, before I would 'get in line.'
I was one of those kids who didn't want to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance every morning. If any of you don't know what that is, it's a pledge that all school children in America start their day with, in which they pledge their allegiance to the flag and the republic of the United States of America. The first time I remember doing, or rather, NOT doing this, I was about 7. I wasn't protesting because my parents were hippies and I thought America was an evil empire (that came later), the event went a little like this...
Okay now, class, everybody stand up and face the flag for the Pledge of Allegiance. Hugh, honey, stand up, it's time for the pledge.
Why do I have to do the pledge every day?
Because we do the pledge every morning.
Yeah but why?
Well, what do mean, sweetie?
(most of the teachers where I attended elementary school were unbelievably kind, as long as you didn't run or scream too much)
Well, isn't a pledge like a promise?
Yes sweetie, that's exactly what a pledge is.
So, why do I have to promise my uh-lee-gents every day? Don't you believe me?
At this, my normally sweet teacher drew a blank face, and just blinked a few times. 15 seconds may not sound like a long time to most people, but for a child in the middle of a conversation, it might as well be forever. I was a smart kid, I knew what that meant.
Hugh, I don't have an answer that will satisfy you, but it's my job to make you say the pledge, so please stand and say the pledge, or you'll have to go to the principal's office!
What she actually said (finally) was much nicer, but the veiled threat was still there...
We just like to hear you say it every day, sweetie, so will you please stand up now?
Very smooth. I learned a lot from that teacher.
That's just where it started for me. The more they taught me, the more questions I had. How could a minor be allowed to pledge a lifelong contract with the state? Was it legally binding? Doesn't this sound like Nazi Germany to you?
I also had questions about doing homework. I would score near 100% on every test I took, did they really think I needed all that extra practice? Didn't they think there were better things I could do with my time? Doesn't this sound like Nazi Germany to you? Not one of them told me (maybe they didn't know, most of them weren't real bright) that it was about building good work habits. School would have been a lot easier for me if they would have just told me that they weren't actually trying to educate me, they were just trying to make me a good worker.
I had similar questions about going to church every Sunday. Couldn't God hear me from the house? Didn't he know I read the bible in my room? Doesn't that sound like Nazi Germany to you? You can imagine how much 'fun' my mother had raising me!
So what was the point of that 1200 word ramble? I just want you to know, dear friends, that if I annoy or offend, it isn't personal. It's just the way I'm built, and EVERYONE around me feels the effects of it. Why am I like this, what's wrong with me? Well, I lacked positive role models, I make self destructive choices, I struggle with addiction and enabling, and I'm probably on the autism spectrum: somewhere between Elon Musk and Jeffrey Dahmer. I don't really know why I'm like this (and have remained this way), other than the fact that nobody has been able to force me to behave differently.
Just know, dear friends, that if you ARE offended, it's probably justified, and I understand and accept that. Don't take it personally... it's not you, it's me.
That's a photo of my weed grinder, laying on my laptop while I work on this post. Like me, the weed grinder has sharp points, is very abrasive, and can really tear things apart... but when it's done doing what it does everyone will relax and have a laugh!
Headcanon says referees loved you and games went extra smoothly.
I really do need to up my offending power tho.
I have no idea what that was about, but thanks for the comment!
You had me at the cover image.
What's up man? I'm probably doing it wrong but I've always felt, for example, say a comedian has two people in the room, one of those had to be pissed and the other has to be laughing to call it successful.
A whole crowd is the same, just on a larger scale. Majority of the room is laughing but if there isn't a handful of pissed off people, it's not gonna work.
The real trick to comedy, if anyone were to ask me, is to get people to laugh at things they hate themselves for laughing at. Christopher Titus talks about it in his 'Ameriggedon' special.
Live crowds are tricky, at least where I live. If you're going to do comedy that pisses people off, you have to make them laugh too hard to resort to violence.
Always great to hear from you! Glad to see you're getting back to a 'lazy American's' amount of screen time!
I wish my downvote could have any effect on your post 😂 but I don't even stand a chance to those whales giving downvotes so you're lucky.
The roasting wasn't light 🙄
It's a good thing you're the owner of the weed grinder by the way, since it behaves like you but I don't like your weed grinder 🚶♀️
Different people felt different ways about how much that roast burned, I guess.
If it helps you feel better about your downvote, I can just donate or delegate away some of my rewards if you downvote me! Remember, though, I power up all my rewards, and I vote every one of your comedy posts 100%... voting for me will get you more rewards in the long run! (The very long run, at the rate I'm going!)
What did my weed grinder ever do to you? It's a perfectly likeable weed grinder. Sure, it's a little used, but it's a great little grinder, once you get to know it 🤣
Lol... His plans worked, I've gone soft on you. I can't even imagine downvoting your roast anymore 😩🤣 it's not like it didn't make me crack a rib.
But I still don't like your weed grinder... Let's leave it at that 😆
Yay! 🤗
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