Writing about writer's block.

Why won't this post write itself? I've been believing in myself, trying my hardest, and putting my trust in god, and it still just isn't happening! Not that any of you can tell that... for you, it's just here, for you to read. Like magic.

'It's magic, he's a WITCH!'

Hey, hey, put away the pitchforks and torches, it's not really magic. Calm down for a second, and I'll try to spell it ou...

'HE'S CASTING A SPELL!' GET HIM!

Whoa, WHOA, take it easy, will ya? Jeez, why does everything have to turn into a witch hunt?

'WITCH HUNT! WITCH HUNT!'

Okay, let's start over...

Hi everyone! I'm Hugh Telmi, and I've been suffering a touch of writer's block. Just a touch, mind you, not a full blown blockage. I never run out of words, sometimes I just can't seem to make them work the way I want them to. This is one of those times.

I have a dozen drafts of things that I want to joke about, but every time I work on one of them, it turns into an essay. You didn't come here to read essays, did you? No, you most likely came here to get away from reading crap like that.

Hive is full of essays, mostly about the usefulness of Hive. Not that there's anything wrong with that... I'm happy to let people indulge in whatever kink they like, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone who doesn't want to be hurt. The only people getting hurt by Hive essays are people hoping to be entertained.

I'm not saying this essay about essays is any more entertaining than that, but at least it's about something different. Or is it? It certainly was, until I kinda made it about Hive essays.

Since I can make this about anything I want, I'll make it about something else. Something exciting. Surprises? Sex? Surprises that happen during sex?

Have you or your partner ever ripped a huge fart during sex? It's more of a surprise, usually, if your partner does it, but I've found that sometimes I can surprise myself as well, especially during climax. It's definitely better to have this happen at the end, especially if it's particularly... ripe. That can definitely kill the mood.

That was a lot nastier than I thought it would be. I should go back and delete it, like magic, but my current mood is: 'If I have to suffer with that thought, so do you!'

Maybe that's enough for now... it's only likely to get worse if I keep going. If you're thinking 'What could be worse than that?', keep that thought to yourself. Don't ever, EVER ask me that question, unless you're willing to be traumatized by the answer.

Thanks for helping me get through that, everyone. I'm not sure if anything is better or worse, but it killed a little time, and I ended up with a post to publish. Not a very good one, I admit. If I can admit that, you can admit that you cracked a smile over the fart joke. It's okay, we're here to smile, maybe even laugh. If we're lucky, we can take some of those laughs with us. Next time you're about to have sex, try not to laugh about the possibility of someone farting. It'll ruin the mood.

You're welcome!

I find the many layers I'm wearing in this selfie to be a good metaphor for writer's block... and the hazmat gear adds a layer of extra punchline to the fart jokes.

Thanks for reading! See you next time, you silly souls!

Sort:  

Better post than what gets trending here but then again if this post were to get trending, would still be disappointed lol

If I ever see one of my posts trending, I'm going to assume I got hacked :D

Writer's block is definitely nastier than a rope fart in my opinion

It's like why is my brain not braining dammit!

I'm impressed that you were able to come up with a funny post amidst the block

HE IS THE CHOSEN ONE!

p.s: if you ever fart during sex, tell your partner you're role-playing as a piñata

That is ridiculous enough to distract them from the fart

You're welcome😌

I don't think telling my partner I'm role playing as a piñata will work. It will distract from the fart, but still ruin the sex, when she starts looking for a stick to crack me open with!

 last year  

What an interesting and educative way of getting rid of writer's block! I had never thought it was possible to crack a joke out of a blocked head 😅

Thanks for the lessons, and I'm tempted to ask what could be worse than farting during sex but I think I should overcome this.

That picture definitely fits in the writer's block thingy, I can't see your face 😂

I can crack a joke out of just about anything, except it seems when I'm trying to crack a joke and stay on topic. Honestly, I was just as surprised as anyone to see where this post ended up! 😂

I'm happy you took it as a lesson, and I'm glad you overcame your temptation to ask what could be worse. I'll try to overcome the temptation to say that off the top of my head, vomiting would be way worse, for both people.

 last year  

Lol... We are glad you wrote something anyways, we got to laugh

Oh my! Now, that's definitely worse 🤣

🤣🤣🤣 That was funny but this is more like you giving us a tip on how to enjoy sex and that should be not trying to fart during sex 😂
Well, your writer´s block has cracked me up just now. When someone farts during sex, I don´t think it should disturb what they are doing unless they haven´t reached the climax. Lol

Dear @oldsoulnewb,
May I ask you to review and support the new HiveSQL Proposal so we can keep it free to use for the community?
You can do it on Peakd, ecency,

Hive.blog / https://wallet.hive.blog/proposals
or using HiveSigner

Thank you!

Dear @oldsoulnewb,
Your support for the current HiveBuzz proposal (#199) is much appreciated but the proposal will expire soon!
May we ask you to review and support the new proposal so our team can continue its work?
You can support the new proposal (#248) on Peakd, Ecency,

Hive.blog / https://wallet.hive.blog/proposals
or using HiveSigner.

Thank you!