Image modified using GIMP from CC license source by A3DigitalStudio from Pixabay
No 1: The Listnerds Boner King
A new listnerds user popped up in my inbox a few months ago called @itswnc who was selling a miracle product!
Much like the peddlers of snake oil in the old west this genius can cure baldness, give special massages that will activate your super pheromones that women can’t resist… and if you have any daemons he can exorcise the source of the evil, which resides in your wallet.
Praise be to the almighty messiah @itswnc who can banish the evil of capital from your pocket, and give you a boner the size of the empire state building for the low, low price of £53.99 excluding shipping.
I sincerely hope that they were talking about the miracle drug they were peddling, otherwise, we’re opening a whole other trouser zipper full of worms.
To be fair, Mr Snake Oil himself @itswnc was banned from listnerds pretty quickly, a little too quickly for my liking, as I wanted some more comedy material and I failed to get a screenshot at the time.
But enough of my vaguely-veiled sarcasm, I'll let his words speak for themselves:
BIGGER, HARDER, LONGER LASTING ERECTIONS On Demand
For men who want bigger, harder, longer-lasting erections, there's now VigRX Plus®, our #1 best-selling male enhancement supplement. It's a fresh twist on our already popular VigRX®, but has been designed to further enhance men's sexual functioning with the addition of three exciting new ingredients: Damiana, Tribulus, and Bioperine.
What's more... this new boner wonder drug is endorsed by a well-known and highly acclaimed doctor:
Dr. Steven Lamm, M.D. Who states:
Throughout my career as doctor, researcher and author I am constantly investigating new solutions and supplements that I can share with my patients to help them improve the quality of their sex life and that is why when I found VigRX Plus® I was pleasantly surprised... Check out VigRXPlus.com for more!
Honestly, they have an amazon page 😂proving one of two things…
Either, Jeff Bezos doesn’t give a flying fuck about what is sold on his platform, or I’m such a cynic that I’m missing a trick, and Bezos is pogoing down the road now on his perpetual erection laughing while throwing wads of cash to all his poor millionaire neighbours who are struggling to keep up with their payments on that second helicopter.
Screw sending any astronauts up to repair any of the amazon owned Kuiper System satellites, Bezos can now blast off to personally address those interstellar business meetings by unloading at the beginning of a bounce and launching into the upper atmosphere on a jet of super-spunk.
No 2: @jerrybanfield Self-proclaimed Comedian Stripping Out of Desperation
From the moment I saw Jerry claim he was a comedian I have been waiting with bated breath... for some comedic content. Apparently, he's a dedicated AA attendee and ex-alcoholic.
I'm kinda wondering if the funny left him when the alcohol left his system. Maybe I'm being a little cruel, and I'm not a troll by nature, but I was drunk when I created and performed this topical (at the time) short satirical video:
I was drunk as a skunk when I came up with Crazy Pete and his crypto conspiracies! Although I have to admit, I performed the scripts for part 1.0 and part 2.0 sober-ish... I'd only had 2 beers 🍻😂
Whereas Jerry seems to have the power to drain the interest and humour from any video he makes within 2 minutes. I personally managed 2 minutes into the video shared below, and after he'd repeated the same moronic bullshit in 20 different ways - telling everyone why they should subscribe to his youtube channel so he can make more money - it made me want to either slap him in the face or give the poor guy a hug and say "it's OK, you've nothing to prove, the highschool bullies can't get you anymore."
Sry Jerry, it doesn't work that way, you can't just moan about how people should like you (and subscribe) when you're offering nothing other than inane babble while playing a computer game. He drivels on about success in the video I shared below, but to gain respect, a precursor to success, you have to provide a product that is vaguely relevant to something, anything... please, before my mind explodes, talk about something other than yourself, and how great your Youtube channel is... please, I can feel each brain cell fizzle out as I watch.
For fuck sake, this guy's idea of a novel and humorous gimmick was to take his shirt off for his thumbnail pictures, if I remember right, it was a reaction to the tens of thousands of women who are making bank by getting their tits out on ticktock.
Dude! Deal with it, you're not a woman... and maybe realise that these 'so called' influencers aren't even close to addressing the payback for millennia of patriarchal dominance.
Or at least practice what you preach and get a boob job 🤣
But why the Jerry Bashing I hear you shout?
Simple, he was one of the worst culprits for stacking bidbot votes back in the day. In 2016 when I first joined steem, he even promoted classes taught by the maestro himself, on how to rape the reward pool Jerry-style, but only if you sent him your email address to get a link to a super-secret online class... an email he probably sold to every shady spam mailer asswipe on the internet.
All this leads to my final point and is one of the major reasons why a whole host of talented content creators left steem, even before the Hive hardfork. Nothing matters on here other than HivePower and genuine talent in some areas are massively undervalued. I've had people tell me hundreds of times that creative writing is niche - which may be so for poetry - but it damn sure isn't for fiction.
Billions of people read a book/week, and that isn't going to change.
If we're going to talk about niche content then look no further than at the highest earning posts and you'll soon stumble across a whole pile of Splinterlands content.
Content about Splinterlands is one massive echo chamber, it's as niche as niche can be. No one cares about it other than Splinterlands players 😂
Like it or not, if you want more mainstream people coming to hive, there needs to be more content in trending that they'd understand and enjoy for them to even consider signing up or investing to power up.
So, what is the moral of this story? I guess it is that if you like stumbling across the sublimely ridiculous - the cream of the crazy crop - look no further than hive to provide plenty of 'shits and giggles' on the Richter scale of loopy-tunes.
Thanks for reading.
I figured it might be nice though to publish a few final posts (that were already written in my drafts folder on @peakd), to the communities I have most enjoyed being a part of in the last five years.
So here is my last jaunt into the sometimes surreal, often absurd and batshit crazy world of hive for the @comedyopenmic community. Hopefully, it might tickle a few funny
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