I was pushing myself to get out of the box to help my recovery treatment. But my body and mind are still fragile and cannot handle a lot of steps. I already started taking Anti depression medication and all I can say is that it's been very difficult to adjust to this new medication. I was already taking powerful sleeping medicines to stop nightmares; now, as a new addition, I am taking anti-depression medication. So, now I don't feel my body at all. Obviously, there are a lot of side effects. For example; I am losing hair, and weight, and feel dehydrated all day. My skin feels dry; my blood pressure is low and I feel cold always though room temperature is around 25-degree celsius. Without thinking twice, I am taking the medicines from time to time as I am trusting the process.
Small steps and that's why my doctors told me. Well, I am not so sure whether I am taking any small steps for myself or not. I do panic still and a day before yesterday I had a severe panic attack at midnight suddenly. I was so drowned in my sadness and stress that I couldn't even realize where I was for a few minutes. My doctors already told me that the effects of anti-depression start normally after 2-3 weeks so I don't expect much now from the medicines. But, as I am taking sleeping medicine as well, I didn't expect this panic attack at night all of a sudden.
For the last two days, my body temperature is low, I feel so cold and my skin looks pale. Obviously, these are all the side effects and it's not possible to change medicines instantly. My body also needs time to adjust to the medication. Meanwhile, I have tried to do some activities but the success rate is lower. I am not upset about this because at least I am trying to do some activities. I cannot eat much, I don't feel like eating anything.
Walking with Gigi nowadays is really tough. Because she is strong and I am very weak. She sometimes suddenly pulls me and I feel like I am flying. Most of the time, I ended up getting hurt.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with my doctor (Intense home treatment) and another new team. My current doctor is going to introduce me to a new team who is going to stay with me for a longer time. I was in the crisis section which was 6 weeks session and as my condition didn't develop much, they decided to offer me a long-term treatment and recovery plan. My depression level increased and my PTSD is still there, only nightmares stopped so I need a long recovery and treatment plan. I also signed a few papers a day before yesterday for trauma therapy. So, now a lot of new things are going to introduce in my life.
My daily life changed, I mostly do nothing throughout the entire day. Recently I feel so cold that I prefer to stay under my blanket all day. I don't feel sleepy with taking the medicine so living life like this is quite difficult.
I sometimes think that if my hand or leg was broken, there was a chance for quick recovery or at least my doctors would have given me a time limit for recovery. But when it comes to mental health or psychiatric issue, there is no time limit. I also have to meet my company doctor and I am very scared about it. Basically, this appointment will decide the further reintegration program of my work and I don't know what to expect from them as I cannot work right now. I cannot do a simple activity right now, how can I complete 8 hours shift, it's insane.
I often think why me? Why did this happen to me? I ask myself always why I am getting punished like this. There is no answer, only circumstances...
I honestly wanted to write something nice and creative but my brain and mind are completely blank and stuck in the dark...
I panic a lot, in fact for the past two days, I have been having a hard time dealing with myself. I barely can control my emotions and when I feel dark, I completely shut down from the world. I often have a fear that I might harm myself, I might harm others. I really hope I stay alive... Because nights are very difficult, each day is hard to survive with a complicated mind...
One and a half months already passed and I am still stuck in a void...
Love
Priyan...
I am @priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thought easily...
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All images used are captured by the author...
I appreciate you sharing what you're going through. I'll say this: none of us know exactly what you're going through, but I'm sure there are lots of friends here who care for you and are rooting for you. Somehow, my guess is that sharing must help. I'm guessing Gigi is your pup...there's a buddy to lean on. Dogs are priceless, priceless friends who, I think, understand a whole lot more about us than we know. If you ever need to chat or some encouragement or just want to vent or speak out, reach out. Folks here on Hive are real they care. I'm here too and on Discord if you're there.
!LUV
My dog helps me a lot to be honest even during this entire crisis time, she was the one who comfort me the most. I know many fellas care about me and pray for me and that's why still now I can write and I am alive. It's very hard to deal with the mental and psychotic condition but with help, I hope I will recover soon...
Thanks for opening a chat door for me...
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@crrdlx...
Thank you brother... appreciate your kindness...
Hello there, my friend. I genuinely hope you're feeling better today than yesterday.
I feel you about anti-depression medication. Been on it for around a couple of weeks last year and I didn't like it one bit.
Was not diagnosed with ptsd but I have been having sleep problem for years, gone worst in 2020. Being sleep deprived, I got Bell's Palsy twice only four years gap. I get all sorts of inflammation, tremors etc. To help myself, I tried chamomile tea, listening to calming music, I pressed this reflexology point to help my body to produce its natural melatonin, I count sheeps, I focused on my breathing, avoiding sweets at a certain time, do yoga poses that help with sleep and in my counter is a bottle of melatonin, my fourth one. All worked initially.
I think sleep is the best medicine ever. I will feel better after getting 7hours of sleep for two nights consecutive. It's not easy though. Just need self discipline...
I hope you get yourself some of this precious sleep pretty soon and always tell yourself that you are going to be ok and wait for it, patiently. Never give up, it shouldn't be an option. I really think you're brave. You can do it. All the best. 🌹🌹🌹
Yes and my sleep is getting better as I don't have nightmares. I have some issues that cause a lot of pain inside me. Besides I came from the Ukraine war so my mind and body are in survival and alert mode always. I panic a lot, and I am stressed and when I am unable to do anything or feel tired, I become depressed. So much right now going on in my mind but I think eventually I will be better and recover soon...
I just need to be brave enough to handle the whole treatment process as you said...
Oh, that's tough. I couldn't imagine what you have gone through.
That's good news, I hope you continue on getting better and peaceful sleep. If we're getting enough sleep, we tend to not only look good but we also feel good (physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, spiritually, etc.). We're braver, more resilient, nicer person and positive.
Keep the spirit up, my friend. 🤗 You are brave and I believe you can handle the whole treatment process. Best wishes. 🌹🌹🌹
Sleep is very important and I think my sleep is getting better though I feel weak the entire day. It's fine as long as it helps my recovery process...
Indeed, rest well my friend and eat well and though feeling weak try easy stretches and walking, etc. Let's keep on moving, we do not want our muscles to shrink. Best wishes 🌼💚🌼
Sending you some love ❤️ and light ✨️
@martina123...
Another good soul. Good to see... Love and light...
!LUV
@martina123, @wesphilbin(2/10) sent you LUV. | tools | discord | community |
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Thank you so much...
Hi Priyan, the wonderful @wesphilbin sent me this post.
It's clear that you've gone through some very difficult experiences and are continuing to suffer the direct consequences of this. It's very fair to ask why this happened to you - and sometimes the search for an answer can be endless. However, you sharing your experiences openly can benefit others who are going through similar experiences. There is some sense of comradery in suffering, and you're providing an open door for someone else who might need help but know how to go about it. That's invaluable!
Additionally, the fact that you are actively trying to get yourself back together by taking solid, direct actions to recover show your resilience and strength in the face of what can only be described as brutality. Your actions show your will to live, and even if the progress may be slow, you've a;ready surpassed one of the biggest obstacles to recovery: the will to do something to try to help yourself.
Please do continue to follow up with your doctors so that they can adjust your medications accordingly. Be honest with them about any benefits and side effects that you notice so the adjustments can be optimized. It may be a very long journey, but keep on track. It can pay off handsomely in the long run.
For what it may be worth, I'm proud of you for starting on this journey. If you ever need help along the way, that's absolutely ok, and feel free to reach out to me for the support. We rely on each other to grow - we're programmed that way! And yes, you are very much worth it. 😊
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Hi @priyanarc I might just be another person on the internet but I genuinely want to send you comfort and healing. It sounds like living has been an endless entrance to the void yet there seems to be a lot of things going on around you - doctor appointments, visits, work - and physical changes from your meds. The panic attack might be your response to all this, like being on fight or flight mode but there's nothing physical to attack. Since we have a clue that it happened at night, maybe we could look into helping you ease into the night with intentional care. If that's when it hits you the most, do you have anyone you could call? Or is there something that helps you ease the stress?
No pressure in replying, just know that I'll be reading your updates and I wish you well!
You are incredibly brave and so resilient, even if you are not feeling it right now.
Sending love. And Pilot sends love to Gigi and tells her to slow down a little 'til mama can regain her footing.
You are right otherwise I would have done something bad to myself...
Tell Pilot that Gigi is sending a lot of love to him. Gigi and slow down is like getting a gold coin :D
Pilot just blushed!
One step at a time
Yea, one step at a time which I cannot do it properly :D
Rome wasn't built in a day, don't worry. Our thoughts are with you
Sending you my love!
Hope you are feeling a bit better, Miss.
Thanks, @bluefinstudios, I have been having a hard time in the last couple of days but today I am feeling slightly better... Thanks for stopping by...
Lots of love, Miss.
At least that the nightmares stopped is a good thing.
Hopefully the meetings with the doctors give an idea of an effective treatment. The company doctor, well, hopefully it will be favorable and reintegration can be achieved in the long term, because as you say, spending the day under the blanket can be more complicated than many people imagine.
I agree that if it were a physical injury, it would be possible to say with more certainty how long the recovery would take, but when it comes to mental treatments, the situation becomes more complicated and the treatment and recovery time cannot be calculated very well.
I can only offer you words of support, my best wishes for your recovery and my sincere encouragement that you recover soon.
Stay !ALIVE
!GIF you recover soon
!LOLZ
!MEME
!PGM
!LUV
!CTP
Via Tenor
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@pedrobrito2004 thank you, I have written a new post describing the current situation of my recovery and treatment process. I am glad that my doctors understand my problems and decided to give me the necessary support and help. There is still no recovery date or something like when I will be better. Noone can say that. But yes, I will recover one day...
!GIF Receive my best wishes for you!
Stay !ALIVE
Via Tenor
@priyanarc! You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE to your account on behalf of @pedrobrito2004. (7/10)
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.
Write, it's a help, so we know about you and how to continue. It is not necessary to say nice things, writing a diary or writing down our ideas is helpful.
It's not easy, because of what you're going through. We pray a lot for his health whenever we can.
Many people are looking out for you and for you to improve, even if it's little, even if you have a relapse, just keep going, even if you fail sometime.
Keep trying. Everything does not have to go well, life is not perfect, it is not fair. Life has no mercy on any of us.
Just keep going, please.
Writing helps a lot but I struggle. For example, I have some kind of hesitation and thoughts about writing my condition and those thoughts are hard to control. For example, today I am feeling good and now I am replying to all the comments. Sometimes I completely shut down myself and just like to be isolated. It's not normal I know but as I have said, I cannot control many things.
I see improvement inside me, step by step. Thanks a lot for your enormous support...
Your brain is fighting the terror you went through, you have been very strong and that's why when you fell you fell so deep. That is also the reason why the treatment is long and difficult, but you are still that strong person who will get out of the hole and shine again.
It's good that you were able to start the anti-depressant medication, that means you are responding well. I know it's hard for you now to appreciate the work you are doing, but you are doing great, believe it, deep down inside you know it.
As always when I read and write to you, it's less time until you start to feel better. Keep on giving hope your hand. A giant hug. ❤️
!LUV
@priyanarc, @palomap3(1/10) sent you LUV. | tools | discord | community |
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My doctors introduced me to advanced treatment, and they just informed me that I am on the waiting list for specific trauma therapy and also I am going to receive supportive therapy as well. I am glad that my doctors understood my situation and decided to help me out. My body is slowly adapting to anti-depression medicine, I still feel weak and tired but I can manage now. Let's see how the recovery process will go...
I saw you managed in your last post! You are moving forward, the hope is still there. 😘❤️
I am sorry that it is getting even harder for you Priyan, but it is great that you manage to get out with Gigi despite that it's hard, many well wishes to you and take care.
!ALIVE
Ya taking a lot of medicines make me weak and tired. But ya still I am managing myself to go out...
Thank you and have a nice week...
Thanks, and keep walking with Gigi.
!ALIVE
@priyanarc! You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE to your account on behalf of @flaxz. (2/20)
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.
@priyanarc! You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE to your account on behalf of @flaxz. (3/20)
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.
Hello @priyanarc,
It's sad you have to deal with all of that on your own...
Sentence with all those questions you asked yourself catch my eye and all I can tell you, it's not your fault, not your punishment and don't blame yourself for anything mentioned. Some things we can't control, but there is something you can do for yourself - take care of yourself, don't overthink and don't close yourself from outer world (even tho it's not most desired situation). Even sitting outside on fresh air will occupy your mind with something else than guilt tripping which is the worst case scenario.
Anxiety is a sneaky bastard, but breath, there is solution for everything no matter how impossible it seems now.
Just breath, deeply.
(best wishes and full recovery)
I wish I could do that easily like others. Many people fled from the war but they are not dealing with things like me and I guess, I am the one who lost my mind so easily. I was always an emotional individual and this emotion controlled me for a very long time. I kept holding everything inside and the result is today I am sick...
Going out helps a lot, will try to do that often...
We aren't all the same, some take more time than others, you do your thing in your own way.
Write, scream, cry, whatever gives you relief even the slightest one.
🍀
@priyanarc...
I am not going to go on blabbing about stuff you already know. But I do hope you know there are so many people thinking about you. I realize that won't fix anything... won't turn back time... won't make those responsible for all this "trouble" change their ways. We've known each other for a long time. I am sorry for the way things are going... but you knew that. I love you like a sister... I want nothing but positive energy and positive vibes...
You know my Discord... If you need to type there... rant there... it's open. I understand things aren't always rainbows and butterflies. No different than my Thoughtful Daily Post. Notice it doesn't say "Thoughtful Daily Everything-Is-Awesome Post" lolol... What matters is you are trying... you are here telling us what your world is like. Please reach out to us, We love you, dear soul...
!LUV
Hello Wes, thanks for opening a door for me to rant, complain and chat. I will definitely do that. I know many people think about me and care for me and I honestly adore that. I am grateful for everything. I know rough times come in life and this is one of the toughest situations in my life. I wish life could have been so simple but it is not...
Definitely will connect with you to have a conversation...
@priyanarc, @wesphilbin(1/10) sent you LUV. | tools | discord | community |
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We appreciate you taking the time, to either use #ThoughtfulDailyPost, or otherwise help this Community grow. So...
Thank you!!
Thank you Wes...
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As someone has said before, let your doctors know about your side effects. Everyone is different so you might have to adjust the dosage. Sometimes it's trial and error at first.
Have you got anyone who could walk with you when you go out with Gigi? I know from experience how strong they are.
I'm pleased you are still writing your feelings down and getting support. That's a definite positive so please keep doing it. Sending much love. ❤️
No, because I don't talk to people now. I hesitate and simply try to avoid people from having conversations. Like I said before, I am very introverted and after this illness, I became something else. It would be great if I would find somebody here to go for a walk but I guess I am not ready for that...
I try to write, at least once in a week though it doesn't work all the time...
Yes, I understand. In my village, every bugger will walk with you whether you want them to or not. It will happen in your own good time. ❤
Mam sorry to say but as of now your mind is very disturbed, I don't know what is exact reason but as of now I can say you in single line please stop it. I understand this condition but try to take phycological support and avoid medication. I'm a healthcare provider and I seen many cases and person which is undergoing depression but secondary and harmful disease acquired due to only stress. I would like to ask you about your exact problem and try to solve it if you want say me.
I seen in your profile you're a curator/ Community moderator in one of community but in which dear?
I am taking professional help currently and also focusing on my treatment completely. I hope everything will be fine eventually...
Friend you don't know how much I understand you, I haven't been well either and my mental health is deteriorating, I have trouble sleeping, body tremors, I choke, I can't breathe and every time more and more symptoms appear, I suddenly burst into tears, mood swings, etc. I feel that my mental health is deteriorating. People just tell you that you have to do your part, but that is not so, it is a disease, the crises come alone and how do you stop when you feel panic, anxiety and you think you are going to die, they tell you because they do not understand you and do not feel it. I have taken refuge in hive, it is my beautiful place and my place of escape, I try to show my best face when inside I feel something else. Very few know how I feel, but I have few but good friends here that even though I don't know them they support me, they make me laugh. I try to take refuge in crafts because I like them, but sometimes I can't even do that, I don't post as often as I would like. Here I am trying to do something and I can't do it because I haven't slept at all. I posted last night but it took me 4 days to finish that port.
So I finally understand you, I support you and I embrace you with my soul from this screen. I don't want to feel this way and I tell my husband but he doesn't understand, and my daughter is also suffering from anxiety problems and it's all because of the horrible situation these people have had us in for years.
I just pray to God that this will pass and I will continue to try to take refuge in my beautiful place of life. I hope my beautiful one that everything will pass for you too, I know what you have been through. A thousand blessings to you...
I'm sorry I haven't written you more but it's because I haven't been well at all, and it escapes me.
Kisses @priyanarc 💕