Holding a lot of stress and thoughts inside, I have decided to write a post. Obviously, it was not necessary but I wanted to share what I have been doing last week. The week was intense, not only physically but also mentally. I am continuing my medicines, one for sleeping and one for my depression. Noticing my appetite and health, I also decided to take multivitamins as I am losing weight drastically. I don't feel like eating due to the medication and I am losing a lot of hair as well. So, the doctor told me I can take multivitamins for my body. My therapy session is continuing, step by step I am moving forward. Not all days are the same, I panic still, I have so many imaginary thoughts and still, I am suicidal and scared. But the development is I go out and take walk with my dog for 30-45 minutes twice a day.
Last week I had to do a lot of things. At first, I went to the Psychiatric hospital to meet my new doctor and nurse. From next week, I am going to have a permanent doctor and a nurse until I recover. My PTSD and depression are still there so everything is going to change next week. Mentally this is a huge change for me also. I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone and also hard for me to go through all of my trauma and history over and over again. Don't know what's gonna happen but I hope something good will happen.
I cannot work due to my medical condition so my employer decided to have a meeting with the company doctor. My employer was not ready for this integration process because she wanted me to come back to work but after a lot of argument, finally she decided to take an appointment for me with the company doctor for the integration and wage process. The office of the company doctor was located in Amsterdam. I thought the location was not far but trust me, after reading my struggle, you will know how my day was. A company doctor is basically a third party who evaluates the sickness of the employee and makes a report for the employers for further process.
The appointment was taken one month ago, it is very difficult to have an appointment with the company doctor.
Amsterdam Bijlmer
Unfortunately due to rainy and cold weather, I was having flu and fever but I couldn't change the date of the appointment so I decided to go. I had no idea how would I feel because the location was quite far from my city. Besides, I haven't been outside much due to my treatment process so it was a challenge for me to meet completely a new person in a new location. According to Google Maps, I have to take the first train to Amsterdam Zuid and after reaching there I have to take another train to reach Amsterdam Bijlmer. Well, it seems simple but for a person like me who is suffering from a mental condition is not so simple. I took the train and reached Amsterdam Zuid easily without any problem.
After reaching Amsterdam Zuid, I got sick, and confused and started having panic attacks. Seeing so many people, and a crowded station, I couldn't control my thoughts and stress level. I decided to sit down but I had to find the platform of the next train. It was really difficult for me and I was having flashbacks of the war situation and the evacuation train situation seeing the crowd. After some time, I was able to pull myself together and decided to reach my destination. Time was short.
Fever, flu, and mental sickness everything was attacking me together but at last, somehow I reached Amsterdam Bijlmer. I was feeling horrible and looked like a tired, homeless, junkie. After reaching the station, I got confused again. I couldn't understand which way I have to go to find the office. I started walking around and couldn't properly understand the direction of the location shown in Google Maps. At one point, I felt like my whole world was separated from me and I was somehow trying to find a way to get out. After an hour, I finally figure out the office location. It was nearby but I couldn't figure it out because of my brain and stress.
The company doctor was a woman so it was comfortable to talk to her and also she was understanding. Normally, I find it very difficult to start a conversation with a new person as I don't know where to start. I was so tired and weak. Seeing my condition, the company doctor told me to take care of myself. I also provided her with the necessary information about my medication and treatment process though she told me to go home early to witness my condition.
After 6 weeks I have to meet her again...
I wish I could have stopped my story here but it didn't. I had to return and had to take again the trains.
After leaving the doctor's place, I was feeling so weak that I couldn't even walk properly. I was having intense headaches and felt like my world was dark. My head was feeling heavy so I decided to sit again at Bijlmer Square. The square was big, and a lot of people, and students were walking here and there. Most of the people were corporate people; heading towards the station after work or going to work. I couldn't focus on anything, the cold, and the dizzy feeling were eating me inside but I have to go back.
I sat at the square for some time. After becoming stable, I decided to go back.
This part of Amsterdam is very modern, not typical, and historical Amsterdam. Most of the corporate offices and headquarters are located here. I also noticed some hotels as well. I don't think a lot of tourists come to this area to explore, this area is more for the locals. I think the job opportunities here are enormous. The area is completely different than typical Amsterdam central.
After a rough 1 hour travel, finally I reached Almere. I don't know how I made this long 5 hours day but somehow I managed the entire travel. No matter how much I suffered, I completed my day and safely returned home. My condition could have gone worst. After returning to my room, I ate and took medicine, and fall asleep. I cannot even remember how long I slept because I was completely drowned and exhausted.
I don't know when I can start my life normally. Every day seems like a year to me.
Please pardon me for not replying to your comment timely. I am having a very difficult time dealing with myself.
Love
Priyan...
I am @priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thought easily...
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What I understand of this is that even though there are issues you do manage. You know hiw to handle them and get things done. Step by step you're moving forward.
Oh ya I manage and no matter how many times I lose my mind, I eventually take steps to go forward. As I have said when people see me they might think I am a junkie but I am glad that somehow I complete my task no matter how difficult it is.
I was gonna send a gif of two dogs hugging but then I saw this one. Maybe they can shuttle you to your next appointment.
OMG!!! I would love to travel with them, such cuties...
You're amazing..
Sending hugs from the UK..
Thank you so much dear...
Have a great week...
It's a good thing the doctor was an understanding woman.
I read how your round trip was, and that only stresses me out, I really want you to get better, because what you say is very hard.
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I am trying my best to help as much as possible to recover quickly. It's been already 1 month and I am still in delicate shape...
I can only want everything to improve, and even better if the improvement occurs in a short time :)
Hugs from me to Gigi. 🐶
Oh, my dear, you're doing it! I admire your courage, how you are able to not listen to fear.
I am so glad you have found medical support to give you the time your mind and body need. Yes, the days seem to last forever, but it doesn't matter how long they last. The only thing that matters is where you are here and now, the rest doesn't exist. Take a deep breath and keep going!!!
Big, big hugs. ❤️
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Yes, I also decided to keep going no matter what and do what I need to do. Taking small steps at a time. I don't feel good every day and I accepted that every day I don't need to stress about doing something productive. Let's see how it goes, my doctor said I am on the right track...
Thank you for your support...
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I think writing this post was absolutely necessary both for you AND all of us who care about you and are following your progress to good health.
Looks to me like you are moving forward, taking Gigi out twice a day for a walk, going to visit the company doctor, keeping up with your treatment is progress!
Getting your thoughts written down and having a loving companion to care about is wonderful therapy.
The fact you added the line about being sorry you're slow to respond also shows you can still think about others even when you're going through such a bad time is also amazing!
Give yourself some credit for this amazing fight and keep going. Everything in life worth anything takes time and effort and you are putting in the work. Great results will surely come :-)
Best wishes to you, hugs for Gigi, she loves you without condition :-)
I should and also sometimes reward myself. Gigi now understands me and the great thing is she somehow knows I am sick and she doesn't pressure me at all. Though sometimes her curiosity overwhelmed her and she pulls me hard. I am glad that I managed the entire travel and also took some photos. It was difficult and there was a chance to get lost but in the end, I managed everything and returned safely. It shows that the treatment is working nicely. I just hope that my thoughts stay under control...
Sorry to hear that you had a tough day during your visit to the doctor in Amsterdam... It was hard, but you did it in the end, didn't you? It was hard to talk with an unknown person, but you did that too? It was messy to find the right train, it was cold, and you were sick, but again, you did it! And you made some great photos that you shared with us!
I can see only winnings on that hard day...
Wish you all the best!
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Yes, despite everything, in the end, I managed everything and I am proud of it. I never thought I could travel considering my situation but I did and returned safely as well. In the end, actually, it was a winning day like you said...
Thank you for picking up my post and reading my post, much appreciated...
Have a great week...
@priyanarc Sending you cyber hugs and much !LUV ♥️♥️♥️
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Thank you so much dear...Have a great week...
Putting your thoughts and feelings on paper is a great way to express yourself and hopefully it will help you to unbottle whatever is making you depressed and anxious. Just take each day as it comes and you will get there, no rush
I am taking everything very slowly and sometimes I write keywords of my feelings on paper. My doctor also suggested writing, I sometimes struggle with all my complex thoughts but yes, I have to be calm and quiet. Sometimes everything seems so difficult but I am not pushing myself to climb a mountain.
Thank you for the wonderful suggestion. I will continue writing...
It is long time since I visited hive, but I am very glad to see you, as I already know part of your story.
We are also out from home, but fortunately went out by car. Having a newborn baby. Though we had a fight about it with my husband whose driving experience after long break was about two-three months and he took us as far as Klujnapoka in Romania alone. After we got partner driver until Milan.
But I really regret to see you have these problems in adaptation and getting back to normal life. You are not so much connected to Ukraine (since we are only dreaming about coming back) and have good english and international profession, I truly believe your life road is leading you for the better. Hope you will be well.
OMG!! I hope you are in a safe place now because you also had to go through a lot... Our experience is almost similar so I also can understand what you had to go through... I hope your newborn is doing fine as well...
Ukraine is my second home because after leaving my homeland, I considered Ukraine my home. I have everything there, my apartment, my summer house (dacha) and all the belongings... About future, I still don't know what I wanna do but yes, all I know when the war will be over I will go back to Kharkiv...
Have a great day my dear...
Thanks, so you are same connected to Ukraine :) We also just think about future there, but now we stay in Italy. Though our flat is close to Kyiv and it’s absolutely another risk comparing with Kharkiv.
I am really very connected to Ukraine as I started my whole new life there, independent life. The situation in Kharkiv is still shaky and risky so I cannot take the risks to travel there for now. Hope we will be able to go back to our home very soon... How's life in Italy?
Fortunately, we have a place to live here, but now consider how we can earn money, since life is expensive as everywhere in Europe, and still I feel obliged to help our armed forces as we cannot participate in other way. But, of course, we are looking forward for all the blooming balconies and enjoy delicious food. What really makes me happy is that with a newborn all these travels were real hell, but she drags all attention I have, and she is amazing cute, and that supported us and made us smile even in hardest times.
The same I suppose is with any personal project which can be considered like a baby to care. Many people now advise to focus on creativity, to have tasks to switch attention. We will win and it’s also about progress.
Of course, some recollections take time to forget. First days in Turkey in December their call for praying sounded to me absolutely like alarm, and I was prepared for explosion sound. A few seconds later it comes that I am not at home anymore, and everything is ok. Hope, you will get back soon to normal.
Though I am sure our generation will have sun electricity stations in private houses and strong basements after coming home.
I am happy for you that you are motivated and inspired and can look forward. You are really strong...
I'm so pleased you decided to write about your ordeal. Gosh, you did remarkably well to get there and back. I know you might not think there has been any improvements, but I can see some. I'm pleased the woman you saw was understanding as well.
I take vitamins, especially vitamin d. It's called the sunshine pill. We don't get enough sun in the UK. We all need the sun as it lifts the mood.
Don't worry about replying to people if you can't. We will still be here!
Ya it was really a big step going out somewhere unknown and also return safely no matter how miserable I felt. In the end, all efforts paid off. I also thought it wold be great if I take multivitamins for my body. Due to medication, my health is not doing good so my doctors told me to take it...
I love sun and sunny days but I don't like hot weather :D
I don’t like it when it's too hot either. I can't be bothered to do anything! Walking is good. If you tire yourself out, I think it gives you a sense of wellbeing. I look forward to your next update. Take care. X
As long as Gigi walks nicely, it won't be a problem to take a long walk with her :D. Walking alone can be so boring sometimes...
I hope soon I will be able to write some good news...
I know what this is like from personal experience. I live with autism spectrum disorder, and I was diagnozed with dysthimia (the chronic form of depression) as a child. Finding love is the most important thing in this situation. I also have an emotionally hard and difficult time nowadays, but I think that it is possible to stand up from anything. I went through a lot of things, both as a child, and as an adult too.
I hope that my comment give you strength.
Have a nice day. All the best. Greetings and much love from Hungary.
I am so sorry to hear that and completely can relate with you and how it feels to carry such an illness for a long time.
This is something very hard to find and in this condition, I doubt that but ya, I never know what's waiting for me.
I believe that too and that's why I asked for professional help. I will stand up again one day but it will definitely take time.
Thanks for such encouraging feedback, I really appreciate that...
I probably looked like a tired, homeless, junkie after just reading this, can´t imagine how you bad it was for you. The story brought back memories of me traveling with a huge hangover, but of course it does not compare as I know my hangover will be gone the next day. Take care
Traveling with a hangover can be tough...So completely understood what you meant :D
My life is very complicated now but hope in future everything will come together nicely...
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Thank you so much, always appreciate your visit... :)
You're welcome, Priyan🌹
You have written the whole day activities very well
Thanks...
I am very sorry that you had to go through all of that Priyan, but great to hear that you made it home in the end and got some good sleep after, take care and all the best wishes for you.
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Depression is worst think and I know how you feel but I want tell you just keep medication and sleep minimum 8 hours and stay healthy.
Thank you so much...
Look, it's an important achievement, the one that you've been able to go by yourself. It may not seem like it, but it really is a lot.
When I had panic attacks, I couldn't go out or move, it's really desperate. And being around people was overwhelming.
Know for certain that you have managed to do a lot, being able to make the trip, even with all the problems.
Thank you for sharing the images, they are very nice.
Don't worry about answering if you're not in the mood. But write from time to time to see how you are.
I have been struggling a lot with my emotions again, especially at night. I will write about my current situation soon...
Hi ,with nervous disorders and depression, perga (пчелиный хлеб) 5-7 granules under the tongue on an empty stomach for a month and natural honey helps well , in the absence of allergies to bee products.
Thank you, I take honey but don't know whether it is natural or not...
most natural honey varieties crystallize after a short period of time, with the exception of acacia, it remains liquid. Perga looks like this:
