Okay, let’s get straight to the scenario of this photo.
The not so happy looking egg in the cup is me. The one getting comfy and cozy to cuddle is my 11 year old daughter (soon to be 12). The last egg on the right looking loved and loving every moment is my husband.
I know, you have no clue where I’m going with this or where it’s stemming from so let’s change that…
Every since my daughter was a baby she’s preferred cuddling with her dad over me.
When I was nursing her as soon as she was done with her meal she’d roll over to her dad, like almost immediately, to cuddle and take a nap.
🤯🤯🤯
I’m the one that fed her and gave her the nourishment she needed. I felt so used and abused when she did that. I even cried some nights because it hurt and offended me.
I know she was just a baby people but her preferences still hurt. 😓
So here we are today. She’s about to become a preteen and I’m already seeing other changes in her. She stays in her room longer to not be bothered, she doesn’t like to make runs with me like she used to, she bores very quickly and it’s hard to tell how’s she’s really feeling at times.
Don’t get me wrong, she does talk to me about things and willing to share her feelings but there’s a distance between us nowadays. Many people have warned me this would happen and to prepare for it but I guess I failed at preparation.
I learned a hard truth (one I’ve known for years but tried to ignore) that she is just more comfortable with her dad. 😩
I asked her
Why don’t you cuddle with me as much as you do with your dad?
She replied
I don’t know. It’s just…I like to cuddle with him. I’m comfortable and it’s easy to.
🥺🥺🥺
Yea, if you ask a hard question be ready for what comes next.
I began going down this path of wondering if my daughter even really likes me. Does she consider me a friend? Is she happy I’m her mom?
She’s always loved me but…
The reality of kids growing up, making their own choices and having their own likes can sometimes be scary.
My husband knows this has always made me sad and jealous and a little on the envy (which I should not be feeling) side. I look at their relationship and adore it. I would love to have that type of relationship with my daughter.
Then I got to thinking of the relationship she and I do have.
We craft together, solve problems around the house together, we laugh and play around with her other siblings together, learn together, we cook together…
Our relationship will not look the same as her relationship with her father and that’s okay.
I began appreciating the fact that my husband is here and has such a close relationship with his daughter. With each child the relationship is special and that shouldn’t be looked upon as something to envy but something to admire and be thankful for.
I was just having my moment of feeling rejected because I wanted my daughter to see me as a cuddling buddy too. I am also struggling seeing her grow up so fast right before my eyes and that’s a little scary for me.
I know she likes and loves me it just looks different now as she is coming into her own. I am truly happy she feels comfortable with her dad and they remain close friends because she will need him just as much as me during this transitional stage called growing up. ☺️
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I would like to thank @gamessteam for this right on time egg photo. When I first saw it the idea didn’t come to me to use it. It wasn’t until I was writing up the Stock Images curation post that it hit me, this is exactly the visual I need for this write up! He has been added on as a beneficiary of this post!
You know I'm reading you and I feel that my ex-husband must feel very identified with you?
And it is because boys tend to feel more comfortable with the mother and girls, with the father because they unconsciously seek to feel protected. You know, the feminine instinct to look for strong arms to protect us. My son, who is also about to turn 12, has felt more affinity with me since he was a child than with his father, and his father has always been a great father, but Gabriel, my son prefers to be with me.
It is normal. The nice thing is that you and your daughter, you laugh, you share together and I am sure that once she is a teenager, you will be the one she will turn to for advice and her need for support will be with you. Nice post, I loved it.
This response was really good to hear!
I have noticed this even in my own home ( my boys do love cuddling with me). You’re right about the seeking protection. I notice both my girls really stick close to their dad when we’re out and about or in an unfamiliar place.
That’s so sweet that your son tends to be with you. Makes sense why sons tend to look for a spouse that has the same qualities as their mother and vice versa with the daughters :)
Yes, I know she’s getting ready to go through more changes especially with puberty so I’ll be sticking close by to be here for her whenever she needs me.
Thanks so much for such nice and thoughtful feedback ~ ❤️
The key is a lot of patience and that love you have plenty of for her 💐.
😉☺️
I believe she loves you but one funny thing I notice sometimes or what I believe do happen is that most female children are always comfortable with their dad than their mum while male children are more comfortable with their mum than their dad which is vice versa
Yes! This is how it is in our home. I didn't mention this part but my sons tend to stick closer to me (cuddling and all) whereas for my husband it's not the same. He has to make more of an effort to connect with them but for me it happens more naturally. I’ve seen this for other people as well too.
Thanks for pointing that out!! ✅
Your story is very touching and inspiring, here you are like a shadow who always stands behind but is always there when your children need it. I have two children and the first is a boy he prefers me to his mother. I understand how that feels. And thanks for including this photo :)
Thank you for reading and for providing the most awesome cover photo!
Yes, that’s exactly how I feel. I’ll always make myself available for when they need me ~ ☺️
@crosheille you just wrote my thoughts. My baby loves her dad. She is just 8 weeks old. When she is cranky and I pacify her, it doesn't work. But her dad does same she immediately becomes calm. I told her dad about it and me not being comfortable with her neglecting me. Yea that's how I feel. But he just says she is still a baby. It just seem as though daughters love their fathers more.
I get jealous too and I can totally relate with how you feel too.
Hang in there my friend. It does really hurt and took me awhile to be excited for my husband rather than being envious. I think it’s a normal reaction from a mother who just wants her baby to cuddle and love up on her too. I wanted my baby girl to want me for more than just milk 😅. Once my supply ran out she was rolling off to her dad like “by mama”! 😂
It’s okay because hopefully as your baby girl grows up you two will develop your own special bond and relationship. Every stage is different. We can only pray that along each milestone we will have the patience and strength to be the help and support they need to the best of our ability ~ 💓
Thanks for sharing with me, stay encouraged!
We can only pray that along each milestone we will have the patience and strength to be the help and support they need to the best of our ability ~ 💓
This I should look forward too I guess. I will try to get over the jealousy and just love her nevertheless. After all she is mine forever right? And he is also mine too. I have to be grateful for having them both. There are some husbands who are never there for their wives and children. I think we are blessed that our husband's are in our baby's lives. Thank you for your kind words
Right, there’s no need for us to hold on to those feelings.
Exactly! We have to count our blessings and look at the positives ;)
Very nice and inspiring story @crosheille. Your post has been always beneficial and educating to me.
Thanks for always writing and coming up with highly educating and inspiring posts with great content.
Thanks @techlhab!
I appreciate your feedback on my posts. I love writing out my thoughts and sharing things I experience because it’s so freeing :)
Thanks again for your nice comment and I’m glad you find mg writings beneficial to you ~
Wow, lovely. Mothers are really important
Thanks @apunawu ~ 😊
Reading through your post made me realise why I love my dad but love and liked my mom. Not because I dislike dad.. but because I am more comfortable around mom. Maybe because dad sometimes mishandled me. But I still and always love him. Mom is just so special to me.
I think it’s normal that a child gravitates toward one parent more than the other. It’s just a hard truth that can sometimes make one emotional but I’m learning.
I think how you feel is exactly what my daughter was trying to say. She doesn’t love me any less but is just more comfortable and closer to her dad. It’s the same for me and my sons…they gravitate to me more than their dad.
Thanks for reading and adding your input :)
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Children will always have preferences. It could be the mum or dad. If she picked you, I guess your husband would understand that it's because you're the mother but she just happens to pick her dad and that's very ok.
Love her regardless, it's much better than if she would have picked a third party. I believe as she grows you'll begin to see she does like you and appreciate you but just decides to do certain things with her father.