DANGER. "I'm The Sort Of Person Who..."
Strange title, right?
BUT ever Since I began to Understood The Power Of Repetition, I Notice This Phenomena Everywhere.
I'm sure you know by now, even if you have only ever stumbled across 1 or 2 of my posts over the last 2 or 3 of years, I am massively interested in knowing who people are. Nope I don't mean the few scant details listed in their LinkedIn profile or their Instagram, we all know most of that stuff is either made up or if it is 'basically true' it is often, more than likely, hugely embellished.
Nope! I mean, who they really are.
What drives them? How do they feel about where they are on life's journey, today? Do they have fears and are those fears rational, logical, something they are justified in being fearful of? How do they relate, in social settings, with family, at work, at leisure, with authority? How do they feel about money, power, the rich, the poor, love, happiness, the establishment, the media, politics?
Yup, I know what you're thinking, I should probably take my nose out of other peoples business and focus on my own life lol.
The over-riding thing I am most interested in though is where a person wants to be, or would like to be if they believed they were capable of hitting all the checkpoints and making headway towards these aspirations.
Even more specifically if I was gonna dig a little further with regard to this interest, what I really want to learn about people is if they have goals, and what is the status of these hidden desires that the outside world may not even know, exist?
We all have that constant flickering movie screen constantly playing out scenarios, mini movies and tales from an alternate universe in our head, usually our alternate universe. We may not be aware it is happening, oh but it is, whether we are awake, asleep or trying to empty our mind and sweep away our thoughts in the midst of a meditation session.
On the rare occasion that the centres of our brain are not focussed on primarily visual scenarios, then the ever present, inner voice is chattering away. It may be embroiled in exploratory internal monologue, berating us for a foolish thing we did on the 2nd of last month, or at our best friends birthday party when we were both 7...
The one thing these involuntary systems have in common when they are running and running seemingly independent from the rest of us is that they are constantly looking for and grabbing feedback and examples from the daily happenings we experience. With this data they can refine the narrative that is always running and ever evolving just below the surface.
When we speak of goals and aspirational planning this data becomes a crucially important piece of the puzzle, because obviously the way we view our experiences and the attributes and flaws we perceive ourselves to have, drastically alters the way we view ourselves and our place in the world.
SO WHAT? You've rambled on with the setup long enough now Steven, get to the bloody point!
OK, OK Dear Reader, almost there. I'm almost at the actionable stuff that can make all the difference in the world.
We all hear people using the problematic mantras I am about to relay, most of us have them embedded deeply within our subconscious programming too. As I begin to list them, you may start to see how this all ties together nicely.
So as I get to know people and what drives them, they invariably share those big dreams that excite them and those 'unrealistic' goals that they have never really told anyone about as they secretly feel a little foolish discussing such matters. As they become animated, I use that word discerningly, as often, I see a change in a persons demeanour when they get deep in to this topic , they activate a secret little part of their inner being that feels audacity to believe and giving this compartmentalised part of ourselves a chance to run free can be exhilarating.
I love to see this part of a person, in some ways you could say I live for it, releasing these ideas from a person who has repressed them for the longest time, sometimes forever, feels awesome!!!
It is inspring to behold, it's as if they have been given permission to dream, to believe, to ask... What if?
Sometimes, as I get to know these people better, friends, family, colleagues rather than one day encounters, I begin to see clues that the person does not even know they are letting loose in to the world. I hear little seemingly insignificant phrases and beliefs escape from their lips. These utterances often have such a profound effect on everything we have discussed leading up to this point.
I hear things like. Oh I'm the sort of person who never has any luck. I'm the sort of person who has to eat the whole cake across one evening, then I feel guilty for days. I'm the sort of person who always freezes when I have to speak in front of people or when I meet new people. I'm the sort of person who was destined to never have money, love, happiness, security and on and on and on...
If we consider what I said a minute ago, the inner perception of who we are is defined by gathering data and forming a template of that person. Can you imagine the template that is being built and more importantly solidified if you are offering up such feedback over and over?
Even more important is this point, if you keep offering up information to the subconscious of who you are and who you are not, it does not judge or consider, the subconscious takes information presented as fact and acts accordingly.
What can we do about this?
Ah, glad you asked as that's pretty bloody easy. Stop saying and doing things that compromise who you are represented as internally. I lied! It's not quite that easy. Some of these perceptions have been repeated and repeated and solidified for so long, they are imperceptible from the truth, although likely they are becoming the truth more with every passing day.
I'm afraid the answer is exactly what you are expecting! The only feasible way to redefine who we are and the qualities and attributes that make us up is to become hyper aware of how we CHOOSE to represent ourselves on a minute to minute, hour by hour, daily basis.
Yes it is a choice but that doesn't mean it's gonna be easy. We must learn to truly hear the things we say, the ways we describe ourselves. In the beginning we must simply act as an impassive observer. Imagine that every time you hear yourself say something disparaging about who you are, internally remark:
Well that's interesting... But it's NOT true.
You will start to get a buzz from just how often you start to notice these unhelpful charges you level at yourself, with a friend like yourself, who needs enemies, right? 😁
The good news of-course is that once you aware it is happening, you start to disrupt the constant feed of self deprecating data and reach a kind of equilibrium. If you can do this, then you can start to feedback some far more empowering information about who you actually are.
You can actually start to form a beneficial version of who you are from the inside out.
Isn't this happie-clappie self improvement crap that won't actually work? If I tell myself I am great at something I am terrible at, that's just fake-ass mumbo jumbo, right? It's just tantamount to being dishonest.
Yes! It is self-improvement of a kind, but I have a positive view of what that definition means to me. As for the other charge, I would actually suggest you twist the messages being sent back about yourself, to make them less pointed and critical of you. Besides it's not all the negative stuff was true either, do you really believe people have all the luck or don't have any luck?
So let's approach it from a position of being able to help. Try this:
You catch yourself thinking or saying to someone.
"I knew I was gonna mess it up, I'm an idiot, I just can't talk to new people".
What about something along the lines of, hearing the thought, interrupting it and making a more empowering one.
"I'm getting better and better at dealing with and speaking to new and interesting people".
You are not lying, just prompting yourself to become actively better. Wouldn't you prefer to be constructive, encouraging and empowering toward yourself, if you had a choice?
You DO have a bloody choice, if not YOU, then WHO?
Some people turn this kind of exercise into a kind of affirmation. Imagine before you fall asleep, repeating to yourself a few times...
"Every day I become better and better at handling money, the financial skills I am learning will help me become debt free and set me on the path to building wealth in no time at all".
"My relationship with my partner is getting better and better all the time, I am so happy to be in such an amazing relationship with someone I love, so much".
This stuff is proven to work, the data on people reprogramming unhelpful, depressing disempowering thoughts towards themselves is a long-time established fact in the realm of psychology and therapeutic treatment.
Listen, even if you read this and feel sceptical on whether one could undo a lifetime of negative conditioning with a few repetitive phrases and mantra-like expressions, so what? What have you got to lose. If the technique I am sharing is at all helpful, and can do even half of what I purport it can, there is a whole lot to gain, right?
Don't let another year trundle on without addressing such things. Make 2021 the year when you grab life by the b...etterment strategies...
Take the time and make the effort to redesign exactly who you are, how you perceive yourself and most importantly who you want to become and pursue it with tenacity. Who knows just what you could achieve if you were the person that you know deep down you could be.
It all starts with a decision.
I genuinely hope that you and yours are well and about to embark on your greatest ever spell of the journey we call life. May health, wealth, happiness and all of the very best life has to offer be abundant for you and may 2021 prove to be a breakout year for you in all that you would wish for yourselves. Most of all I hope you are surrounded at all turns by love, joy, friendship and happiness.
Thank YOU for taking the time to read my post and if you're one of those amazing people who like to hit the comments section... Then I doubly thank YOU!
Either way I want you to know that you are appreciated!
Keep taking the time to connect with each-other both here and in the so-called real world and try and look after each-other, because as you already know...
You made me remember what I read in the book "The Resistance", by Steven Pressfield:
"How many of us have become alcoholics, drug addicts, developed tumors and neuroses... simply because we don't do that something that our heart, our inner genius, is calling us to do?
And yes, Steven, many people out there vegetating not living up to their full potential - even I find myself at times like that!
Thank you for such excellent words of reflection.
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