I have a feeling that I may have used the above title before, for one of my posts, I know for certain that I have thought about it. It's quite a catchy one after all. But I am not really one for click bait, I prefer to just share what I have to share and allow the title to come from the post.
This time, I wanted to do something a little different, which of course is already befitting for the title. I have felt a little stuck for a while now. Like I have not been moving forward enough.
I have all these ideas, all these plans, but something has been holding me back. Obviously, it is something within myself. But I have felt so uninspired lately and that is not something I wish to continue with.
I guess after being so active for two years, organising, building, creating, it makes sense that I slow down. On the surface at least. But things have been a bit too slow of late. I can see where I want to be, but I have been unable to get there.
I have been through some very confronting and uncomfortable experiences, these last few months, that have left me drained and seeking refuge. So I tend to just hibernate, as much as a solo mama can. I can't exactly lock myself away from the world. Although I have felt like that at times.
What I have really been yearning, is some time to myself, just one night even. But that is very hard to come by. So I take what I can, moments of solitude here and there. Grateful for what I have.
But I also know that things need to change and yet I am uncertain, about what I want that change to look like. Personal change that is. I find myself struggling to decide what is really best for me and my girls and how much change is actually good for us.
If it was just me, I would just go travelling for a while. Get away for a while, so that I get the opportunity to really look at my life, where I am headed with my girls and if indeed, that is where I wish to be headed.
I am aware, that I am not really giving very much away at this point and really, that is a part of the issue, because I feel like I can't, that I have to be very careful about what I share. And that, leaves me feeling very uneasy.
Everyone wants to feel safe and secure, in their lives. Its something I value a lot. But with everything, I have been going through, I have been feeling very unsettled in many ways.
So perhaps, I need to start doing things differently. So that I can really shake things up and open up new opportunities for myself and my girls. I know that I am certainly ready for it. I keep writing about embracing change, so now I want to really put it to the test.
I'm not talking about necessarily changing my lifestyle, but more the way in which I approach things, the way in which I call things to me. I have always considered myself to be very fortunate in life, but I also know that everything in life changes and that we need to be open to that.
Life is all about cycles, cycles of change and transformation. I am ready for mine.