I have been lucky in life. I have been able to travel widely and held some good jobs. I have a lovely family. Not everyone is so lucky and I have witnessed hardship too.
Nearly 10 years ago, I decided to put my skills into trying to help others achieve and started volunteering as an adult leader in my local youth group.
We do all sorts of things with the young people in our group. Most of them are between 14 and 18 years old but also sometimes a bit older or younger. We arrange different activities and tasks aimed at helping them discover new experiences, teach them life skills and help them be more independent to make the most of the opportunities they have.
I have helped many young people over the last few years but I want to tell the story of one in particular who was a young Asian guy living in London suburbs.
He had been expelled from several schools and his father was incredibly tough on him. His father had removed all TV, phones, computer games from his life and locked him in his room to study. Now, I am not one to judge anyone's parenting because it is tough. Everyone needs to find their own way.
However, this young man was clearly rebelling against the situation. He was always in trouble, often with the police. His father wanted to send him back to India to put some discipline in his life.
As part of the youth group activities, I took him as part of our group camping and hiking on the Dorset coastline at Purbeck which is a lovely area of the southern UK Jurassic coastline.
He couldn't keep up with the group and half way up one of the hills to the cliff edge, he sat down and refused to move. I told the rest of the group to go ahead and radioed through to some other leaders to tell them my plan. I went 50 meters further up the path and sat and waiting for him. Twenty minutes later he got up and started walking.
After a while he complained again and sat down. I did the same again. He realised I wasn't going to give in on his tantrums.
Eventually, he started walking with me. I knew it was hard for him so I took it easy with him and gave him loads of rests but he ended up walking nearly 20 km that day along the hilly coastline to the campsite.
As we talked, he started opening up and talking about his experiences. The main thing was not to judge. I listened and asked lots of open questions to get him talking. With each problem, I asked him what he could do in future to effect a better outcome. We can only change things within our circle of influence. Don't stress the rest.
He did improve after and was just glad to be there for him.
Hello @awah
I think this was a wonderful way at dealing with the situation. You showed him that you were there for him and you provided moral support while also showing a combination of being stern as well as compassionate. He responded because you were approachable and possibly also because it was just the two of you, so he felt safe to open up. Often people just need a safe space to feel heard and not shut down. Perhaps he was feeling misunderstood. It's difficult for parents and for the kids, understanding and open communication go a long way.
Thanks for sharing and for being there for him.
Thanks for your comment. They key in my mind was not to judge him. We all make mistakes and I wasn't there to lecture him.
I am sure he will do well in life and if I helped him on the way - then that is the reward for me.
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Sounds like you are a good listener, but not only a listener, you encourage too.
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Cheers. Listening and not judging is key.
I have a trail of problems in my wake so who am I to judge others.
!wine
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Thanks for sharing this situation with us. It gives us pause to think about difficult situations people may be going through and how better to look at them.
Have a great sunday.
Thanks mate. It is easy to be to quick to replay our own life experiences to solve the problems of others. We just need to listen.
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I try never to judge anyone but give them support when it is needed. Well done to you Awah!
Thanks, it's all to easy to slip into judging others. But we need to give each other a break. There is always another side to the story.
Yes we should not judge but seek to understand why.
Have a great new week!
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. It truly is inspiring. It's not easy to understand young people, esp if they do not want to be understood. I'm glad you managed the situation very well. It takes patience and lots of care and understanding to do so.
Happy new month and have a fantastic week ahead!
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Thanks so much for moderating my post - I am glad you liked it. We sometimes just need to be patient and prepared to listen without judging others.
Have a great week and month.
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