Forgive Me Mother For I Have Sinned

in THE WEEKEND2 months ago (edited)

I didn't realize what day it is until now, most days I don't care, this one's different. As years pass it becomes less and less significant until I do something like wake up, enjoy coffee, go through Hive and whatever else for nearly three hours before finally recognizing today would've been my mothers 66th birthday.

I didn't plan on writing this today. I have a puppy article just about ready to release but I saw the date and now I feel like the biggest fuckin asshole ever for focusing on anything other than todays date today.

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That's her back in 1975, she would've been 20 years old that day. That's me in her arms.

Sheila Jo was born on September 26th, 1955, dead less than 58 years later in 2013. Hence my admiration for #13.

Can't believe I didn't think about it until now. I did this once on the anniversary of her death, too, todays date didn't cross my mind yesterday, the day before, last week, nothing. That's the worst part. I'm unsure how to properly address myself.

In case you missed the previous four years or pulled a DanDays and forgot, she's the lone parent I ever knew. I'm an only child. I buried my grandparents, the only ones I had, never met the man who fathered me nor his side of the family. Buried both my uncles, my truest friend, my biggest fan, that's not all, and I just turned 46 last month. There's a reason I'm telling you this.

I'm a pro with death. It's not a particularly attractive accomplishment, I know this, whatever. Doesn't change the fact.

I can tell you how to transfer a body across state lines and how California will steal death benefits on a technicality because your mother was treated in Arizona and died in Nevada.

I can tell you the difference between dog ashes and human ashes after cremation even though the dog was a little taller and five pounds heavier. Not just price, either, though $200 compared to $5,500 is a substantial increase but the best part is teeth. You can't see them in dog ashes. That's nice.

Raise your hand if you wanna hear about that shit. Put your hand down! Got any parents left, siblings, children? I don't. Living relatives, D and A of any kind? Don't wait until it's too late to say what you think. You'll have questions after they leave you'll wish you asked—promise. Apparently this is how long it took to figure out how to properly address myself.

We said I love you back and forth many times during my first 37 adapting to earth, she more than I. Sons tend to purposefully avoid our mothers as we age because they're the only people in this world who can tell us what to do and we have to listen. One thing I wish I would've told her is 'I know how much you love me.'

I'm told she knows. I've heard many things since she left, some harder to believe than others like "your mother would be proud" and "I wish my kids were like you." I wish I could talk to her one more time. I wouldn't interrupt her or anything, she could just yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap my ears off, you know what they say about the apple.

Don't wait until it's too late. Once they're gone you'll learn all kinds of questions and concerns you would've loved to address when they were around. Every day something new comes up; Aches and pains, growing pains mostly, family heritage stuff and countless others come to mind after they leave. But if I could just talk to her one more time I wouldn't say Happy Birthday per se cuz I'm my mothers son, I'll sneak it in one way or another.

'I know how much you love me.'

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Perfect song for the occasion . Life can be tough but moms are tougher. Love for our children is unmatched in my book.

 2 months ago (edited) 

I have to go through a choice of two doors and both are protected by a human. Door 1 is a being guarded by a big huge strong guy. Door 2 is a mother with her toddler child behind her.

I'll avoid door 2.

I have a damn typo in this one @farm-mom. I'm too/rrn. I can't handle one that says "edited" and I can't think of the last time I allowed a typo. I won't fix it and I have to fix it at the same time. *I hope she's getting a good laugh out of this.*

Yeah stay away from the mom, we have super powers.

A pat on the back, a typo is not the end of the world son, just try harder the first time, stop screwing up!!!! Don't make me call daddy.

 2 months ago  

Excellent song choice. Thank you.

#ThugLife

Just like everyone else I surely didn’t finish this read with a dry face. You’ve had so many heartwarming comments here to read already so I’m just here letting you know it was amazing for you to write such a post in her loving memory. The fact that you were strong enough to share such personal and intimate truths with us is quite amazing in my eyes.

Your story has touched many. I am blessed to still have my parents but I am constantly praying and thinking about their health hoping not to get that call…that call that would change my life forever.

Thank you for those words of wisdom. I’ll tell, ask and share the things I’ve been holding in with them while I still have the chance.

God Bless you always ~ 🙏🏽

 2 months ago  

Well I'm glad you waited til now to respond cuz I was mess that day. =0 But I'm good now and ready to crack jokes.

I swapped Granny Green apples 1:1 with Pink Lady apples at the market yesterday and made one big pile of pink and green polkadots.

💖

Thanks for keeping an eye on me.

I'd rather crack jokes. I'd rather not forget significant dates. That one beat me up. I shot my buddy a line who buried his mother several years before me, asked if he ever forgot her birthday. "It's happened" he said. I sent it around 9am, bastard didn't respond til 9 pm!

Thank you @crosheille.

I could tell you were having quite the day.

Did you get a photo of that? That would have been cool to see.

Now you know without a shadow of doubt that you ARE human and it DOES happen to all of us one time or another (even those times where we don’t expect it to). 😉

So, you’re ready to get back to cracking jokes? Good because I can only be sentimental for so long. 😅😜

Mothers are amazing, no matter what happens to them they do all they can for their children.
You still remembered and you still wrote that is what matters.
We may forget dates but we never forget the person.
I read this a couple of days ago but wasn't too well
sorry for the delayed comment.
sending you hugs and prayers.

 2 months ago  

You're too kind. I'm glad you waited a couple days cuz I was such a sissy a couple days ago got dang! Thanks for keeping an eye on me, I appreciate it.

It's a lot easier to write funny. I'd rather punch keys in a different character. These ones aren't particularly fun, I end up rushing it and beating myself up and have to fix it, pacing, water, and then I..... I'm doing it again.

But a little something like this never hurt anyone!

💖

You are not a sissy, you a are a man with normal emotions. It's okay to be human. No need to bash yourself over it.
Hmm you can call yourself a pro at handling death but it's death has the last wrench at our hearts.
We all suffer in our own different ways. Anyone with a heart does.
Take care.

 2 months ago  

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Wow. Intensely moving post, man. I'm not sure what to say, but your good intentions, love, and reverence for your mom help her legacy live on through you. Thanks for writing this. 🙏

 2 months ago  

My pleasure dude. If I knew you were gonna be so cool about it I would've written it a long time ago. Thanks for waiting a day to comment, I was such a sissy yesterday!

And here I thought I had a rep for being cool as a cucumber. ;) You wrote it when the time was right and the inspiration was there, and it's a beautiful piece. Sending good vibes as always man. 🙏

Oh @dandays, what a beautiful little story, I'm sure your Mother knew just how much you loved her. Death is not something we will ever be ready for and I've lost a couple of my closest family members without any warning and I can imagine just how much you would like to talk to her just one more time and say that to her! I do believe that we will all see our loved ones one day again when we cross that threshold but it doesn't help dealing with that loss!

 2 months ago  

I believe that too Lizelle. And I believe they are already with us and I also believe you know what I mean by that.

Ooh wee, that was a rough day for this guy. I couldn't believe I did that, thanks for waiting a couple days to pass by. I was in sissy mode as soon as I realized I spaced the date. I'm rambling.

I mean, not that I know todays date or anything but it's not like it's important. =D

 2 months ago  

I have grown less tolerant of BS in my older years. I’ve spoken my mind to people who used to walk all over my in my earlier years and they don’t seem to like that. Shit happens!

I could say how brutal it is to forget something like this but at the same time I forgot my parents anniversary, even though I talk to my dad often and have a great relationship with him. I think sometimes shit happens and we forget things with other stuff going on. The fact we remembered and feel bad we forgot is what I think is redeeming. Some people know and intentionally don’t say anything or stir the pot just to be a dick. I don’t think your mom will be too annoyed!

 2 months ago  

This was a really nice message. Thank you. Glad you waited a couple days, I was a mess the day I put this one out. Disappointed with myself. Pura's pro too, she said "maybe it's a good thing you're forgetting the date."

Maybe she's right.

I feel'em around more now than I did when they were here, I hear you on that. Couldn't believe I missed the date. I talked to one of my buddies, we've known each other 40+ years, he buried his mother several years before me. I asked if he's ever forgot the date.

"It's happened."

Woulda been nice if he didn't wait all day to respond.

 2 months ago  

Well it has happened man! We aren't infallible. You're a human just like the rest of us. I think you are in a good place to have forgotten and owned up to it. I think that shows more character than just forgetting and saying oh well and moving on.

I hear you on having them around in our heads more when they are gone than when they are here. I have some things that I'd love to run by my grandfathers if they were still around, or my grandmothers that I didn't get to know. I think that's pretty common and is a good thing in my opinion. We are trying to see life through the lens of someone who we looked up to and respected, to see if we can figure out what they would have done.

At least with forgetting and then remembering later, you aren't coming down with early alzheimers! That's a bonus.

 2 months ago  

 2 months ago  

Damn man that was a wholesome song! Who says a love story is only sung best by Blue Eyes or Michael Bublé?

Your mom is probably looking down from above saying, "Don't beat yourself up over this,
I know how much you love me."
Your mom would be happy with the man you have become, compassionate, and happy to be alive.
I"m not very good at remembering dates, but recalling fond memories of my parents happens every day. Simple things that occur throughout my day trigger recollections of just how much love we shared.

 2 months ago  

I sure do appreciate this Sweed. Haven't seen you around a whole lot, that farm must be sprouting from every direction.

Thank you, I think of memories every day, I should've considered that sooner. My last living mentor shot me a line yesterday that said something to the affect, he doesn't even remember his own birthday anymore, how could he be expected to remember his moms.. That was nice.

Then my other buddy who buried his mother several years before me and he's a year younger than me, too, I've known him more than 40 years. He said "it's happened." I felt so much better.

Now if everyone woulda responded a lot sooner I wouldn't have been a mess yesterday lookin like I bathed in peeled onions all day.

Busy as ever, garden almost finished, but I've been clipping away for the past week. 6 - 10 hours a day. 1.5 plants to go, holy shit, great crop this year.
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Fond memories serve us well as time ticks by.

Have a wonderful day.

 2 months ago  

You know that's a cover image right? I'll smoke to that!

!ENGAGE 100
!WINE
!LUV
!PIZZA
!BEER

 2 months ago  

@eii, more than THIS. Thank you.


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I'm going to steal @edprivything's comment as it's perfect.

You're a good guy. No doubt because of your mum. If it wasn't for her, you'd probably have been a right wanker ;-)

Be especially nice to yourself on these special days.

 2 months ago  

Him? Really?? Whatever.

Whaddup Nathen? Hey thanks for keeping up with me dude. :knuckles emoji:

I was real hard on myself yesterday. Rough morning and yap yap yap yap yap.. never mind. My buddy from childhood who buried his mother several years before me finally responded last night. "It's happened." That's all he said and it's what I needed to read.

Woulda been nice if he didn't wait 9 hours but at least it wasn't a whole date or year or anything.

I wished I had asked mine how she cooked some of my favourites 🙃
So true though, you think - not even - just take for granted that you will have the time to say the things you want to until you don't.

Glad you remembered the day after all

I guess your next post will be about puppies then?

 2 months ago  

Did I ever keep you awake all night?
How long between birth and when they assigned my social security number?
Did you gain or lose taste for foods?
Something else...
Another...
More...
...

Well hello @kaerpedeim, this is a nice surprise. Please excuse that sissy lala author yesterday, not sure what got in to that one, he's crazy! Laugh, laugh, joke, ha, joke joke, funny.... yesterday was just allergies I swear!

💖 Thank you.

Maaayyyybeeeeeee.....

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But I am liking your allergic reactions 😜

 2 months ago  

Probably more to come when we return these little bastards.

💖

A wonderful elegy, I'm sure your mom appreciates it. I watched my dad die of skin cancer several years ago. It wasn't something I'd care to repeat.

 2 months ago  

Dang dude. From what I understand, dads are Superman. I only have a vague idea what that must've been like. I had to sign a document one time that said pull the plug. #ThatSucked.

I wasn't pissed at myself for spacing the date yesterday, that's not what happened and I didn't pull my hair out or anything either. Worst ass beating I've given myself in forever probably didn't happen. You see... the neighbors are growing onions, I'm surrounded by onions, that's all. Peeling them, bathing in them practically. I'm good!

That must have been a difficult signature. Lots of onions were getting peeled that day too, I imagine.

 2 months ago  

They were all sweet once upon a time and our catered ass ancestors were like I need variety!

Now you got red, white, yellow, and it wasn't until I typed those colors just now I realize some things never change if I'm being honest.

If I'm being honest I think I missed your point here. But I do love me some sweet onions!

 2 months ago  

Colors, segregation, oh forget it!

Ye gods, how did I miss that? It's as plain as black and white.

I understand you so much. and well what we didn't do, we didn't do...but if we are left with all that we did get to live, not everyone was fortunate to meet that woman who sure was wonderful. Thank you for introducing her to me from what is in you.
2013 was also pure death for me, in May of that year my husband died, he was only 40 years old... I was only 35, I was already a widow and with so much to give him.
In September of that same year my dad got sick and this time I had the opportunity to take care of him for 1 month, and I did not miss any opportunity, oh we talked about so many things, we gave each other all the love we could, we argued about the things we did not agree on, but I could say goodbye. and 4 years ago of a sudden death I lost my brother in law also he was only 40 years old, he was a wonderful man, an excellent father and human being...
Yes, we learned to love the moments, every detail that we can share...
I hope all people can realize this, before their loved ones pass away. Understanding that we are all going to die, we just don't know when, so let's not waste anything.
An I love you, a smile, a good read, and say "I know how much you love me".

Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)

 2 months ago  

Firstly, thank you for translating. Makes responding much easier.

Sorry you're so good at death. It isn't a title I ever imagined claiming. Like burying your father, I'm sure you understand, burying my mother was immediate acceptance to a fraternity I never wanted to be a member of—Sons Without Mothers. Burying friends, grandparents, dogs, uncles, is tough but after mom I can swim with sharks without fear. Nothing can hurt me anymore.

I'm rambling..... It doesn't warn you either. There's no pledge, no initiation, no looking for a different one, it just takes you and then you're a member whether you like it or not. Rambling.

I read about your husband. Really sorry that happened. And the brother in law, how did he die?

Thank you for keeping an eye on me. God bless you MbDonzella.

Sincerely,
Death Extraordinaire

Oh yes, it is not a title to feel extraordinary. We will all live through it, some with stronger pains than others, like the loss of your mother (who was still so young).
But we go on, it will be so that through what we lived others can say today yes, I better take the opportunity to call, to go and hug, to go and say I love you, I admire you, to say thank you to someone or to go and forgive.

Yeah I feel you, sometimes those dates sneak up on us. I'll leave it there.

Thanks for putting this one up here, the missus just had the 1st one of these days pass for her mom so it will strike a cord.

Nice post as always.

 2 months ago  

Except for the typo. Two WTF moments, first the date, then the typo. I hope my mother's enjoying this cuz I can't stop kicking my own ass.

Thanks for keeping an eye on me dude, appreciate it. I reached out to my homeboy last night, good-good-good friend, buried his mother several years before me. He said he's missed his mothers birthday too so that was nice. Well not that he missed but you know.

Yep this post caught my eye and brought a tear to it. 37 that's a number we have in common. Much love @dandays I know how this feels.

 2 months ago  

I wish you didn't. Sorry about your luck. "Shit!" How's the weather? Break a window. Bury glass and grow a tree. Heard any good music lately? Save me some breathe would ya and insert exactly what you wished I said: _____________________.

Sincerely,
PЯӨ

Thank you. If it's any consolation my ganksta (however you spLeL it) persona was shot to "shit" yesterday. 'No, really!! I have allergies and they're mowing the grass.'

You're learning all my tricks @iaura like why I vote 13, 33, 37, 57, 99 and if I didn't know any better I'd think we're in public.

I'm comfy in this character

Don't wait until it's too late to say what you think. You'll have questions after they leave you'll wish you asked—promise.

That says it all. I've lived by that since age twenty-six.

 2 months ago  

I wish someone would've told me that. Oops. Like especially about.. and I'll never know how many.. Oh and the..

No one told me. I learned my favourite way, the hard way.

 2 months ago  

My grandmother used to tell me "Arts, if it was easy, I don't think you'd have anything to do with it."

She was the most beautiful woman I ever met.

The path less traveled, the one with all the challenges and difficulties, is the one to take. You're so lucky to have known your grandmother.

You're a good guy buddy! Shit I dunno what to say, no funny joke that would be appropriate at that time.

I smoked lavender for a HIVE post today 😄

 2 months ago  

Did you mean to say lavender? Tell me that's a strain. Wtf for and are you sure you wanna admit that in public?

Yeah I know, sorry I'm such a sissy sometimes. Jokes are way better, they don't even have to be scripted like vigorously shaking all the coke products on display at the market completely unnoticed.

Wtf for and are you sure you wanna admit that in public?

it's a part of the herbal community! here

like vigorously shaking all the coke products on display at the market completely unnoticed.

I knew it was you!!!

Must admit that the headtitle set me off on the wrong foot a bit.
Was expecting some kind of hilarious story about having made half the neighbourhood pregnant during your adolescence.

But seriously; brilliantly written piece!
'Beneath a rugged exterior ... (mostly) there beats a sensitive soul'.

 2 months ago (edited) 

This is cool. I don't regularly get a chance to say thank you. I appreciate you keeping an eye on me this long Smasssh, I anticipate your visits to the point if I didn't hear from I'd think something's wrong. Thank you. I'm glad you liked this one mate. Now enough mushy shit!

Yeah, Danget, I see how the title can be deceiving now. I don't know if this'll make up for it or not but I frantically shook all the 2-liter coke products on display at the market yesterday without anyone noticing.

Oh I'm rugged, don't trip! I just ran outta eye drops yesterday and it's onion season, that's all.

👊🏼

Ty Brother 🙏

I very much appreciate you sharing. ❤

 2 months ago  

My pleasure sir. For you to drop a line, I must've got it right.

Thank you.

You brought me to tears. A touching post. Sending so much love to you.

Don't ever beat yourself up for anything. As a mom myself, if you were my son, I'd tell you..Nah we all forget stuff. Even important to us mom stuff and it's ok because I know you love me. Moms want us to forget things that bring us pain.

and now I made myself cry.

I spoke to my son today on Facetime. He's 13. I ended the convo as usual... "Be a good boy and I'm sending 100 kisses" and proceeded to kiss the camera a bunch of times and without missing a beat he kissed the camera back.

So I'll tell you the same thing I tell him...

Be a good boy and I'm sending 100 kisses ❤️

 2 months ago  

Fucker you did it to me too. Had I known fucker had this much positive impact I woulda made it my handle!
L....O.....L

Oh crap I been cryin like a baby more today than her funeral. I'm so upset with myself for forgetting. The point I'm trying to make right now is calling you fucker like that made this cryin sissy wipe his eyes between laughs. Thank you. He's lucky to have you.

Mom's are the best!!

Sincerely,
@fucker

(Apologies in advance if that's really someone's handle)

LOL glad you could laugh through the tears! this reply also made me cry and laugh at the same time. Thanks for making me show emotion in public throws a box of tissues at you as she leaves before more damn tears fall

love,
@fucker's mom 🤣

 2 months ago  

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From me to you, as I dry my tears.
Your mom loved you from your birth, just look at the joy in her face. I know that intense love for a child, there are no words to describe it, except pure unconditional love ❤️
Be at peace, remember the love.

 2 months ago  

Well I sure could've used you this am when I was all boo hoo hoo'in about it! Really bothered me I forgot the significance of todays date until it was already here. I talked to one of my bestest friends back home, he buried his mother several years before I mine. He said it's happened before.

Between that and you, I feel better already. Thank you. Think she looks happy?

A heart rending story and we were both in the same boat, only my mom died in a car accident at 51 years and I also never had a father.
Your mom seems to have raised you the right way and yes, you should indeed be proud of her.
You are a good man and I am glad to "know" you on here.

!BEER

 2 months ago  

We have more in common than most. Suddenly all your efforts at the orphanage are a lot clearer to me. I know it's no comparison, but we're fostering a couple puppies until they can be rehomed on Wednesday. Guess it's just what we do @papilloncharity.

Thank you. I'm glad you think so, sir. Stop by more often if you're gonna say nice things to me. 👊🏼

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I hate you for making me cry before I go to bed😢

 2 months ago  

Yeah well my nothin can hurt me tough guy persona has been a sham all day!!!

💖

Ah men, I sure am glad I decided to read this. This is so heartwarming. I think I know why you have the "special" type of humor now, and you're so wise. You've not had the finest experience with death and all but you sure have learnt a lot. It's admirable.

Like everyone one else I would say mine "Ma would be proud of you"

Happy birthday mama DanDays. Wherever you are, you should be proud of the man your son has become and also bring your ear closer, I think he knows how much you love him.

❤️❤️

 2 months ago  

Take all the time you need if when you stop by you drop sentiments like that. This is when thank you doesn't cut it. Thanks for the reblog. 👊🏼

I got real upset with myself today, it's been challenging. Pura said (she's pro too) "in a way, it's not a bad thing you're forgetting." But I beat myself up anyway. Stopped what I was doing and put this together.

These comments make everything right. Thank you.

Just got back from the beach yesterday, and this is the first article I'm reading in a week. Feeling pretty damn lucky because I had a whole week with my mom on our girls trip. Time with my niece is also a good reminder to just say things when you think of them. She'd bust out an "I love you Aunt Katie" at the most random of times. Gramma got plenty of love, too. My cup is full, so sending some extra your way.




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 2 months ago  

Oh heck yeah, only thing that would've been better is if we were there. Play along.....

Well I'm kinda flattered a lot if you wanna know the truth you read mine first. Bad timing if you were looking for jokes though, I've never had good timing, even worse than a broken clock. Play along....

What'd the chickpea say to the humus? I falafel.

Thank you Plants. Smooch. Thanks for keeping up with ne this whole time. Yes, you're super lucky. No need to play along.

Definitely very lucky. Now if only I could manage to do that more often...

I'm sure you'll be back to the jokes soon. You're allowed to take a break from the funny business on occasion. Especially to honor that fine lady you called mom.

The next vacation countdown has begun, this time DKS is coming with!

 2 months ago  

When, where?

5 weeks from tomorrow we're heading up to Asheville for a long weekend. Definitely need to catch you guys if you're around!

 2 months ago  

That's plenty of window for us. Shoot Pura a love when you think about it, she's already "what dates are those?"

See you then.

Are her digits still the same? I seem to recall a post about changing numbers to avoid telemarketers...😂

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 2 months ago  

Touché! I'll see you on discord.


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 2 months ago  

Your appreciation is interesting. Thank you!