Hey @lacrucita. Was interested to read one of your stories after you dropped by at mine :).
That was a good read! I really liked how you kept the pace of the story high. There was a lot of content, moving the story forward all the time. I wasn't bored for a moment, but really curious about how things would go. Great work on putting the pieces of the puzzle together in the end.
What I liked about the dialogue is that from the very beginning, we get to know what type of lady Angela is by what she says. All her sentences are short, to the point, and kind of commanding. Showing she is in charge, powerful, a serious lady. By the way she speaks, I don't think she smiles a lot, but I do get the feeling she is probably great at her job.
Then maybe one point of feedback, which I think might make the story even stronger. Which has to do with describing, with showing the reader what's going on. Not too much, to keep the pace of the story high. But now and then, so that we feel we are really in there with the characters. For example, when Angela visits the office and the receptionist 'leaned back in her chair looking surprised and conflicted'. I felt like I wanted to know what she did, to give that impression. Especially for a detective like Lopez, who has an eye for detail, who doesn't jump to conclusions immediately but looks at the world objectively and collects her evidence from every little interaction. And maybe just a few details of the surroundings. Maybe the office has off-white marble floors and high ceilings. Something to speak to our imagination.
Looking forward to reading more of your stories! I really liked how you put together the clues, subtly, and gave us that 'aha moment' at the end!
I'm just reading this @amritadeva, sorry for the late reply.
I loved your feedback. It moves me how a reader such as yourself appreciate and accurately Interprete my story.I mean, you may even have a broader definition of my characters, which gives me more ideas on how to develop them.
I agree with you that the story needs more details so readers can have a better idea of the setting. I also wanted to include more of the characters' thoughts, what they are thinking.
This is the first time I write something like this. And to be honest, It's not my favorite. I actually wasn't sure if it was good enough. I guess all the crime stories of movies and TV series helped hehe. But I remember thinking that writing crime stories is more complicated that it seems, not only because of the development of the story and clues, but also because of the dialogues, which was the most difficult part for me. After finishing it I felt exhausted, even though I didn't write it all at once. But I wished I had more time to improve it.
I actually think I will hehe. Maybe the next readers will read something better. And maybe I will dared to write another one ;)
Thank you again for your feedback I really appreciate it.
Oh and I just published an article in which I included my previous work
I'll see you around!