As an addict I can sympathize with your father's plight. As a father I can feel the turmoil and distress in the words you have written. Your heart and soul were stitched into every syllable.
I, like you. Most likely live in a world of grief. A world that once held color now so bitter and cold, frozen from the saturations of hues. Because now there is a hole within your heart, your soul.
You feel like a good failure. If I would have only done this or that. Maybe he'd still be here, maybe you'd be able to prolong his life.
But it sounds to me like an he died when your mother left. He tried his best but the pain was just to surreal. (I can only hope and pray that your ok.)
With my tortured heart and soul, and knowing the pain of of loss. Both yours and his. My heart pounds for you. For I miss my darling son, oh so much. And his mother god bless her, we split and idk if she's ok or not. But I hope she is.
Please take care of yourself, and live your life to the fullest. Because I am positive that's what will make your father smile down on you from the heavens, the most.
I lost my son about 3 years ago...and my cousin died two feet away from me around three months later. I watched him bleed to death, while I was trapped inside a car, the steering wheel had pinned me into the driver's seat. It was a horrific experience...
So yes, I'd say I have experienced the pain of loss portion of your story.
But what stood out even more to me was the addiction portion.
I'm an ex heroin and meth user, so I know about addiction. Probably to well, I have been clean(sober.) For about three years. Still battling with my addiction to cigarettes.
But hey, I guess as long as I'm off those vile toxins I'm doing pretty good.