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The Ink Well is engaged this month in the Fast and Furious Festival. That means a month of fun, excitement, and learning. Day 3 of the Festival deals with the finding the writer's voice . I'm excited to learn from a different perspective how to detect the voice. The tasks today will also help us determine our own voice in our story.
If you'd like to join in this festival, then check it out for Day 3 here.
Day 3 Prompt - Style (Writer's Voice)
Task 1
A brief excerpt from Hemingway’s novel The Sun Also Rises:
In the morning I walked down the Boulevard to the rue Soufflot for coffee and brioche. It was a fine morning. The horse-chestnut trees in the Luxembourg gardens were in bloom. There was the pleasant early-morning feeling of a hot day. I read the papers with the coffee and then smoked a cigarette. The flower-women were coming up from the market and arranging their daily stock. Students went by going up to the law school, or down to the Sorbonne. The Boulevard was busy with trams and people going to work.
And one from Donna Tartt's novel The Goldfinch:
Chaotic room-service trays; too many cigarettes; lukewarm vodka from duty free. During those restless, shut-up days, I got to know every inch of the room as a prisoner comes to know his cell. It was my first time in Amsterdam; I'd seen almost nothing of the city and yet the room itself, in its bleak, drafty, sunscrubbed beauty, gave a keen sense of Northern Europe, a model of the Netherlands in miniature: whitewash and Protestant probity, co-mingled with deep-dyed luxury brought in merchant ships from the East. I spent an unreasonable amount of time scrutinizing a tiny pair of gilt-framed oils hanging over the bureau, one of peasants skating on an ice-pond by a church, the other a sailboat flouncing on a choppy winter sea: decorative copies, nothing special, though I studied them as if they held, encrypted, some key to the secret heart of the old Flemish masters. Outside, sleet tapped at the windowpanes and drizzled over the canal; and though the brocades were rich and the carpet was soft, still the winter light carried a chilly tone of 1943, privation and austerities, weak tea without sugar and hungry to bed.
In your post, explore the differences between the two excerpts. How does each one make you feel as you are reading it? Try to analyse how each writer is achieving their effect. What sort of words are they using? How are their sentences constructed? Are they simple and straightforward or more complicated? Which tenses are they using?. Source of directions taken from The Ink Well Fast and Furious Festival - Day 3 Post.
I feel the main difference between the excepts from Hemingway's novel, The Sun Also Rises, and Donna Tartt's novel, The Goldfinch is the author's description of the characters' action versus feelings while both are engaged in viewing their surroundings.
In the except from Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises, the setting takes place outdoors. Hemingway displays the great example of a novelist who is clear and distinct in his words. He uses simple but descriptive vocabulary as he describes actions the character is involved in. Smoking a cigarette and drinking coffee allows us to see what the character is doing.
Hemingway is also describing what the character sees in his environment. The character is describing the city by the people and what he sees directly. In my opinion, his character's feelings about his surroundings are not present. He's only describing what he's seeing on his morning walk outdoors.
The sentences are short and precise. The surroundings are airy and cheerful. Specific places are mentioned that the character is seeing.
The simple acts of sitting at a cafe, drinking coffee, and reading the newspaper are believable. It's the character's quiet time. I think he achieves the purpose he intends for this passage to show uncomplicated activities with simple sentences while his character is alone before he encounters anyone else later.
Although Hemingway uses the past tense, it's to tell of his character's activities earlier in the day.
In the excerpt from Donna Tartt's novel, The Goldfinch, her character is viewing his surroundings from the indoors. He's inside a hotel room. There he draws conclusions of the town and country from what objects he sees in there.
I feel Tartt is describing a setting and mood from her character's visit to Amsterdam in the distant past. She uses past tense to describe what the character did when he visited Amsterdam.
The descriptive adjectives she uses are vivid for the objects in the hotel room. You get a sense of what happening in the paintings on the wall as she describes "a sailboat flouncing on a choppy winter sea."
She also includes the character's feelings for the items as he views them in his surroundings. The wording is bold and strong. Take a look at these words, "I studied them as if they held, encrypted, some key to the secret heart of the old Flemish masters." In this passage, the words she uses are more complex, as are the sentences.
I like the usage of the descriptive phrases for the paintings. Also, the one instance the character does get a chance to view the outside of the hotel room through a window, he states, "sleet tapped at the windowpanes and drizzled over the canal."
This is an excellent scene and does work for the author. I feel more in tune with the descriptive writing telling how the character feels about what he's seeing rather than just telling what is happening.
Task 2
Write down five emotions (for example, anger, joy, sadness, fear, hatred) on slips of paper and slip them into a hat or other container.
- Sad
- Happy
- Hatred
- Upset
- Disappointed
Now pick an object inside or outside where you are writing - a tree, a picture, a window.
- Fence
Draw one emotion from the container, and try to describe that object from the perspective of a character feeling that emotion. (Don’t mention the emotion in your writing — try to describe the object so the reader could guess the emotion).
When you have finished, have a look at your writing and see if you can find three words to describe your own writing voice - add them to your post. Source of directions taken from The Ink Well Fast and Furious Festival - Day 3 Post.
The television transmission was the first to abandon us during the evening hours. Satellite knows. Next came the power we needed to maneuver within the house. Candles stood ready to assist. The high pitched whistling was the only sound that could be heard as we sat in silence listening for any signs of the increasing velocity of wind predicted in the next few hours. The vibration of the sounds reminded me of a freight train if I was within distance in my car.
The emergency radio's signal faded several times. Our local newscaster was our only link to the outside world. We didn't dare go near the windows. Hands were now tucked under my backside to control the shaking. I clinched my teeth to help ease the pounding in my ears.
We secured as much as we could in the front and back yards. Then we waited. We thought about several of our neighbors who'd also decided to weather the storm and shelter in place.
It didn't take long to satisfy our anticipation.
The next morning, we woke to a calm. It felt like any other morning. One would never have imagined a Category 5 Hurricane had come ashore overnight within fifty miles from our doorstep. That's a trip to the nearby beach on any other weekend.
I've always heard people say the expression "the calm before the storm". Well, there's also a calm after the storm. Oddly, everything around you seems normal.
However, within the calmness lies deceit.
We knew there would be property damage in and around the city as well as our immediate neighborhood. We prayed there wouldn't be any loss of life.
We ate breakfast. No rush to assess the damage.
The back yard was the first examined. Several trees in neighbors' yards were bent; some snapped in half. Branches were scattered over our yard. Water stood in large patches. The overhead drainage system didn't hold. We stood looking from one end to the other. Debris from elsewhere had settled for us to remove.
Our eyes then focused on the new reinforced wood fence we just erected two years before. Torn from its anchoring posts on each end, it now lay in front of us as though the wheels of a bulldozer pushed with such force the entire section collapsed in unison. That shouldn't have been the case. The contractor guaranteed us five years of enjoyment at a minimum before it would have to be replaced.
But then Mother Nature doesn't issue guarantees.
Exposed was the neighbor's adjoining yard. A large lawn chair had toppled near the downed fence.
"What if we hadn't secured the windows," I whispered to my spouse. I then realized the source of the banging heard last night.
"Hi neighbor. What a mess. Looks like our fence took a beating. It's a shame since it was just fixed a couple years ago," she laughed while strolling over to us.
"Yep, certainly looks like it." Usually the type of person who directs negative situations to find another outlet, today my spouse's quick response laced with an edgy tone caused me to look her squarely in the face to see it's effect.
However, his words flew over her head like the wind did last night as she continued talking about the damage she suffered in her front yard.
"This time," she said with a smile, "I'd like for the inner facing to be towards my side. Whatever the insurance doesn't pay, I'll pay half the expenses."
Neither of us spoke; just stared at her for a moment. If I would've taped the previous conversations, I could have replayed them now. We've always felt it was only fair as a neighbor to bear part of the replacement expense.
"Let's see how the insurance handles it. Then we'll get back to you." Of course we wouldn't as we both knew her promises never materializes.
I retreated inside. I've lived through numerous storms. It would be a long day of cleanup. I stood looking out the screened-in porch alternating between the fence and my spouse as he continued the conversation.
Our shared fence was the only link to this neighbor for the last ten years.
I dropped my head and shook it deliberately from side to side thinking that the fence will definitely be repaired. I couldn't think the same about the relationship on the other side of it.
3 words I feel describe my own writing voice or style:
- descriptive
- serious
- openminded
I approached this Day 3 assignment by completing my short story first. This is a personal experience with the object I chose for this piece.
The fence occasioned another encounter with the disappointment we encounter with immature, selfish human nature around us... it was thick, greater than the anguish caused by the violence of nature. I also especially liked the way you talked about Hemingway and Tartt -- contrasts and comparison on point!
Hello. Yes, we have to learn to deal with disappointments, especially ones we can't control. People, on the other hand, deal us disappointments. Those we can choose to still engage or eliminate them from our paths. I appreciate you taking the time to read and leave me a nice response to my Day 3 Tasks. I'm learning more each day.
You completed both parts of this exercise extremely well. Your comparison of Hemingway and Tartt is insightful. You provide examples to support your view. Well done on that score... your view goes beyond opinion and becomes analysis.
As for your story: It's human and interesting that the most compelling experience in the day after the hurricane is your interaction with the neighbor. In a sense, the destruction of property is symbolic of your relationship. There is left after your exchange with the neighbor not one shred of respect or hope for a better future. The hurricane, however, does not leave you with such a bleak outlook. That damage will be repaired.
You begin the piece with a reference to abandonment:
The fence becomes the focal point of not only your disappointment, but also of the destruction (property and relationship) that takes place.
Very good job!
I have read your story carefully and at first reading I had trouble identifying the emotion.
But I suppose the character felt Trizteza. I am waiting for your confirmation 😬👍️ thanks for the story. @justclickindiva
Yes, a bit of sadness over the situation with the fence. The background of the story told how the fence came to be damaged. It was also disappointment because it was a new fence and the neighbor because she didn't pay her portion as promised.
Thanks so much for your response. I appreciate you taking the time to read my story.
I was also going to put disappointment... I'm glad because guess what, well you gave me several reasons to be right.
Thank you for answering. Curiosity kills me. @justclickindiva
You're welcome. What comes to mind for me is that you're always disappointed when someone gives you their word then breaks the promise. You don't want to believe them the next time. Take care. I was a bit busy today, but will surely visit your posts soon.
Me too, I couldn't publish on the 4th and today they put up the 5th.
Tomorrow I will try to do the 4 at least. Thank you take your time.
I know. We need to get a move on and keep up. I have other things going on at the same time, so I don't want to fall behind and not finish. I plan to complete all 20 days, if I can. But then I don't want to rush and just throw something together at the last minute. And it does take time to leave thoughtful comments on others posts as I would want someone else to do the same. I always get other points of view who look at my content and try to take note of it.
Take care and have a good week ahead.
Hello @justclickindiva.
You do a great analysis of Hemingway and Donna Tartt excerpts.
Although Hemingway uses the past tense, it's for counting his character's activities at the beginning of the day.
I agree with you. It's a recent past.
I think that each author, with his or her own style, presents us with the space where he or she is. Hemingway has a simple description and he traps the reader because he doesn't involve the character's feelings with the environment. While Donna Tartt doesn't miss an opportunity to indicate the character's state of mind with each of the elements in the room.
As for her story, I have the impression that the feeling is frustration.
Kind regards!
Hi @marcybetancourt Thanks for taking the time to read my Day 3 post. I appreciate your kind words about my analyses. Yes, Hemingway doesn't bring in feelings into the scene, just observations by the character.
Honestly, your analysis was accurate and brilliant. The best I've read so far
I enjoyed reading your descriptions of the writing styles
I have to say, I wasn't familiar with the idea of a style of writing, and so skipped it, however, I have been learning as I go. And this gave me quite an idea of how to do it if ever :D
We do not have hurricanes, only ever reading about the disaster left behind. Today, I saw it through your eyes - and yes, there's a calm after too
And that neighbour, ugghhh
Hello @kaerpediem,
This is wonderful, exactly the goal of #fastandfurious.