"GIVE UP"
"When it started?"
I said to myself while facing the sea and starring at just nothing. Tears are falling intermittently. Even though it hurts me so much inside. I'm shy to express my true emotions. Some people are walking along the shore. Some are just sitting. I want to explode but I can't.
"What did I do wrong?"
I forced myself to remember what I did to her. Slowly, some signs are very clear to me. Every time we hugged each other. She didn't hold me tightly. I just realised that maybe it was I she hugged but her mind was in someone else. I refused to accept that it was true. I want to believe that all of it was just created by my jealous self. But she ignored me when I said hug me for a little longer and she left me.
"Why is it happening to me now? Am I a bad person? Why?"
The heavy rain suddenly falls. It's like it knows what I feel right now. People are leaving because of the rain. I stay and look up high. I want to hide my tears from the rain. I don't know anymore. I know the Me right now thinks so much even though it's not helping. Even so, I still want Mara to come back to me. I don't care if she cheated on me. I will accept it and forgive her. What's important is her, just her to go back as we used to.
"Is it still not enough, Mara?!! Why?!"
I shouted while shaking with tears. I'm crying so hard. I'm sobbing and throbbing.
"Sorry, Paul."
A familiar voice spoke at my back.
I wiped my tears and turned around.
"Mara?"
I nodded. I prevent my tears from falling but I just can't. It flows like something is pouring into my eyes with water.
"Sorry, Paul."
"You didn't do anything. It's just that I don't love you anymore."
She said. I sobbed.
"Please don't say that. Please stop." In my thoughts. I can't bear the pain of hearing it. Please, Mara."
"Please accept it, Paul. I don't want you to be like that."
She continues.
"I feel like----"
I turned around.
"Just leave me alone Mara."
"It's clearer to me now. Just understand why I'm like this. I'm just hurting and I want to let it out and forget everything by doing like this."
I said while turning my back at her.
"Okay, just take care. You will deserve something better. You will find someone better than me. You---"
"PLEASE LEAVE!!"
I shouted with a throbbing voice.
"I don't want to hear it from a liar like you. Just leave. I will forget you someday for sure. It won't just happen right away but I know it will."
I don't know if she's still there at my back. I didn't look back and didn't make a sound. I suppressed my voice, I don't want to let it out. I keep myself being like that and imagining the pain instead of happy memories with her.
I'm doing it every day whenever I'm free. It's better this time because I'm not hoping for her to be back. I finally admitted the fact we can't be together again. It's painful and I thought it's a waste because of our memories. I know no matter how we don't want it to happen. It will happen because we are not holding someone else's life. It may be unforgettable but it doesn't mean it will remain forever. I will not rush things and wait until the time will tell me so. If time will not heal. I know time will reveal everything that I shouldn't stay like this. Goodbye will always come for all of us in this world after all.
END...
Thank you for reading
images are mine
mrnightmare
Congratulations @mrnightmare.net! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
Your next target is to reach 200 comments.
You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPCheck out the last post from @hivebuzz:
Hello mrnightmare.net,
I am sorry for your pain, but this statement is so true. Letting go is one of the biggest challenges we face in life. The suffering is psychological but sometimes that hurts more than the physical. Letting go is part of the grieving process, and you are grieving now. You are exerting control over your life and your emotions--something we all have to learn as we grow older.
Ink Well doesn't accept nonfiction, but I did read your essay and found it moving. We only accept short stories here. No poems. No essays.
I hope to read one of your stories very soon.
But it's fine to have a narrative essay type of story, right?
Hi @mrnightmare.net,
Of course! Different styles, different approaches. Makes it interesting:)
Ah, okay. Sorry for writing such a piece like this. I will keep it in my mind. Sorry and thank you.
🌟🌞