Nervous with excitement is what I felt when I stepped my foot on the train. For how many years I haven't been home because there was no reason for me to be there. It's approximately 6 by riding on a train from Manila to Bicol Philippines. It's an old train and according to the rumors. This train was brought by the Spanish during the 1800s. I can't believe it but that's what the oldies said and they know it well compared to the younger generations.
I was 12 years old back then when the sister of my mother adopted me. My father resented me because my mother died saving me on that train. It was so tragic and unbelievable that it happened. I needed 10 years before I forgot the trauma of that accident. Father hurts me most of the time when I was still in his care. I had no right to be angry because I was the one to blame. But I was just 7 years old back then when that accident happened.
20 years passed and my fiance asked me to visit my father. She said we need his approval because my father is still my father. I was against it because we were not on good terms with my father. Since I love Fe, my fiance very much. I agreed to meet my father living in Bicol. I don't get why he needs my father's approval when we are not getting married yet.
I estimated the time that has already passed. It's more than 5 hours already from the time of our departure. I recognize the places even though it was long ago since I got home. The train where stops are near to our house and we are almost there already.
I feel sad but still smiling seeing the old Tamarind Tree located near the park. The park stored so many happy memories with my family. Of course, together with my father or the 3 of us. Every once a month we visited this park where my parents let me play there.
"What happened to you?" Wondering words from Fe when she saw me smirking while watching that tree.
"Nothing," I replied and turned my back with her leaving a glimpse.
I just remembered how happy we were back then and that's the reason I suddenly smirked without noticing it. I was so happy remembering my past because it was embarrassing.
A 6-year-old boy suddenly loosened his short clothes while riding on a bicycle from my friend in that park. Of course, that time I wasn't because I was still young and didn't care about it. Also, there was a time when I cried because that boy from the neighborhood didn't let me join their games. I ran towards my mother to tell her everything. When I remember how I lied to my mother. I told her they didn't let me join but the truth was. They didn't let me join since I kicked them all just for nothing. What a silly kid I was back then.
The train whistles when it's almost near to the station. I heard the sounds of the brake that it's stopping. People ready their baggage to come out from the train. I ready my bag as well together with Fe. When I stepped off the train I suddenly looked back where my mother was in an accident. Right after I looked back I suddenly realized something. It confused me about one thing.
"How did Fe learn our place? She is not from here and she is the one who bought the tickets to go here. Also, I haven't told him about my father because I didn't want to talk about him."
After talking to myself a smoke surrounded the surroundings. I look around but there's no one there. I became scared when I heard footsteps even though the place was abandoned already. I keep on walking and walking even though I don't know where to go.
"Son," a cold voice called me.
The voice seems familiar but I refused to believe what's in my thoughts.
"Son, come to me."
After hearing that voice again. I was confident that it was my mother's voice.
"Mom, where are you?"
I have never been afraid of my mother even though what she will look like. I miss her and I want to see her. I don't care if she's a ghost or what evil thing she will be. She is still my mother and she will always be.
"My son, Jeric…"
A repeated voice calling my name is what I keep on hearing. I couldn't help myself but feeling sad as I wanted to see her so badly.
"Mom, please show yourself."
I couldn't control my emotions that time and let the tears wash my face. I sob while crying because of loneliness.
"Mom, where are you." The shaking voice I said to myself.
"I'm so sorry for what happened to you. If not because of me you still live right now. Father resented me because of what I did. Even so, I still love him and I decided to be separated from him so that he wouldn't be reminded of what happened to you. I missed you so much mom and dad too. I missed how we were back then and I kept on blaming myself because if that accident happened we should be laughing right now."
I don't know what's happening to me but the words I wanted to tell for how many years. I want to tell it now because I can feel the presence of my mother even though she's not like us anymore.
"I didn't want to leave Dad there. I didn't want him to be alone. My heart was squeezed like I couldn't breathe seeing myself leaving home. But he turned his back at me and that's why I was convinced that he really wanted me to leave. Even so, I'm not mad at him. In fact, I'm excited to see him and eager to hug him"
All of a sudden someone just hugs me. I didn't recognize it first because of the smoke that surrounds me. Slowly and slowly I feel that heartbeat of someone crying. I am hearing the voice that is sobbing.
"Father?" The smoke fading like it never existed in the first place. I just feel like looking up above when the smoke is fading. I saw my mother smiling looking at me smiling. She's waving her hand saying she needs to go.
"Jeric, I didn't know I gave you so much pain. That time I turned my back when you left. I was crying but I thought that's the best thing to do since I was not sure if I could take care of you that time."
I can tell how much pain he feels. I'm out of words seeing my father crying so much.
"Father," I can't help myself but cry harder.
"I'm so sorry Jeric. I regret what I did to you. I didn't blame you when your mother died. I just didn't know how to live without her."
We're hugging each other tightly. Missing the both of us so much.
After the reunion tears. I told him that my mother was the one who made a move to be in this place. She was the one who brought me to see him. And father told me that my mother brought him here as well. He was hearing a voice that led him to come in front of this railroad.
"Thank you, mom", both of us said to my mother facing the sky.