*Love story used to sound interesting when parents aren't in support of the two lover's Love but either they like it or not the feelings can't be erased it's either the parents let them be or they loose them both*
)
**According to Maria, she said he and Ahmad has been in Love since primary school (first school) up till now that they were in their late 20s so their parents never know when and how they started and they are trying to tear them apart from each other which made them to change location and move away from the vicinity of their parents especially Mr and Mrs Adesua (Maria's Parent)**
Maria followed Ahmad all the way from Lagos to Abuja, they couldn't afford to buy plane ticket so they had to travel by road
From Lagos to Abuja by plane ✈ is just one and half hour journey, maximum is two hours but by road it is almost 15 hours journey due to the bad road
Adesua Family (Maria's family) ain't that rich but they are famous, they have a family lawyer that still happen to be family friends that reside in Abuja, Mrs Adesua called the Family lawyer named Barrister Sola that work as legal officer in Law department of Wema bank in Abuja city (The Federal capital territory of Nigeria)
Barrister Ridwan went to the police station and filed Complain, he and the police officers tracked down Ahmad phone 📱they traced the address and got Ahmed arrested and he was detained for good 3 days.
)
Barrister Ridwan took Maria home, he explained the whole story to his wife (Mrs Lara Ridwan) Mrs Ridwan is the nice type, she welcomed her, served her hot chocolate 🍫 with coffee 🍵 but there is no room for Maria to sleep in, she had to manage the couch chair in the small living room.
The Ridwan family live in a small building that has just a room, a parlour, a very small kitchen and bathroom that is built with WC toilet closet 🚽 in Abuja due to the cost of living and and expensive house rent
Maria could not sleep for the whole 3 days his boyfriend (Ahmad) is at police custody. Barrister Ridwan has to go and bail Ahmad in the 3rd day because there is a limit he can make police detain him because there is no concrete evidence that he kidnapped Maria from Lagos to Abuja
Ahmad is not from a wealthy background and his parent can't stand for him due to how poor they are, all Ahmad have is Maria and nothing more, he got no job, no house, he struggles to survive, he may not even be detained if he have anyone that can stand for him
Maria mother (Mrs Adesua) came from Lagos down to Abuja to pick her daughter back to Lagos, she aim to come and pick her up and then go back to Lagos with her the same day but she arrived at late hour of the day so she had to pass the night at Barrister Ridwan's small house, she slept with a small bed the family kept for visitors while her daughter managed the couch
When day break, plane ticket is bought by Barrister Ridwan for Mrs Adesua and her daughter to go back to Lagos, their flight is 20'o clock 🕒 but wonder happend the same evening before the flight time
**Maria sneaked out of the house 🏡 and ran back to her boyfriend (Ahmad) by 19'o clock in just an hour to their flight, Barrister Ridwan, his wife and Barrister Ridwan's friend Mr. Garba looked everywhere untill she picked up her call and tell them she is with Ahmad and she is not ready to go back to Lagos without him**
)
* The flight has already been missed and where she ran to is many miles down to Barrister Ridwan house
It's already late so Mrs Adesua had to pass another night at Barrister Ridwan's house, if day break, they would know what next to do
When day break, Barrister Ridwan and Mrs Adesua had to go to Ahmed house with two police officers for Maria and pick her up but Maria insisted she won't go anywhere without him. They both have their right and can stand for themselves since they are above 18 so the officers had to respect their wants
*Mrs Adesua and Barrister Ridwan has spent so much money so they could not afford three plane tickets for three percengers so they had to travel back to Lagos by land*
)
This love story is more like Romeo and Juliet Love story, Maria pledge to die with Ahmad and Ahmad too pledge to die with Maria
*pictures from pexel.com*
Hello @opeyemioguns,
This is such a sweet story, and it is told in such a straightforward way that it is appealing. As you suggest, the theme of Romeo and Juliet is classic. We all can agree as readers with your judgement.
Since you asked for feedback, I will share some more impressions with you.
As a Westerner, someone who lives in the United States, I find your descriptions of the land and travel methods interesting. This is one of the qualities of your stories (as you write more) that you might explore. Use your eyes to see what we, who have never been to Nigeria, have never seen. Share what you see. Describe the scenery vividly.
You might also describe Ahmed and Maria so we can see them as you imagine them. Perhaps this Writing Tip by @jayna would be helpful: Writing Character Descriptions You do a good job of describing their motivation, but I cannot 'see' them.
Your story would also come off better with more careful editing. A polished story is always more effective. There's a writing tip to help with that, also: Editing Your Work with Fresh Eyes.
I enjoyed this excursion to Nigeria, and to the love story you told about Ahmed and Maria. Thank you for sharing it, and keep writing!
Regards,
@agmoore
Thanks so much for the reply and for the tip