Title image created using a picture by Patricia Alexandre from Pixabay
The planet loomed large in the ship’s flight window. Sand storms swirled fractal tattoos across the surface as angry orange flames lined the edge of the flight window.
An alarm blared as silver glyphs pulsed in the peripheral of her visor. The AI’s emergency systems kicked in and a panicked monologue rang in Phoeb’s ears.
Stabilising systems are shot. Life support is one third of full power and stable, that’s the only saving grace in a case of Carthenian caca. The specimen is secure… for now.
“Thanks Kai.”
Phoeb turned to look at the enclosure as the Declorian warrior lashed the energy field with a barbed arm. The screech of bone along the invisible surface set Phoeb’s teeth to gnashing.
Suddenly all turned to chaos. A kaleidoscope of light filaments licked at her face as the field blasted apart and the Declorian tumbled past grappling at Phoeb’s neck.
Swirling sand enveloped the flight window and faded into grey with a loud crack.
All went black.
Phoeb stumbled through the desert heat. Grit lined her mouth and the acid of puke clung to her tongue. Sand flowed in rivulets across rocks as ragged crimson clouds tore at the purple sky. Time faded from thought as she fought the desert wind, each gasp of air raw in her throat. She gulped breath through a strip of material she’d torn from her tunic and fashioned into a face scarf.
Her memories were tattered like the clouds.
Large green Declorian eyes swam in her vision, then a feeling of impact, flying, blackness, heat and a thirst beyond words that had awakened her to reality. The ship was nowhere to be seen upon waking and she’d wandered ever since trying to find the impact site.
This way home, this way home, she started to count herself to sanity through the burning thirst, each footfall echoing the mantra in her mind. Tiny sand lizards danced around her feet, chasing the shade created by her shadow.
She entered a canyon, slipping down a scree slope of sharp slate. Something called her this way, a feeling that jumped in her throat like the memory of spring water. The mantra echoed louder in her mind now.
This way home.
The winding shape of the canyon birthed a memory of hope as it meandered off into the distance like pictures of an ancient earth river. A cool wind blew down the course of the canyon kissing her face with gentle relief.
Memory burst through Phoeb like a flood breaking the riverbank.
Tears spun ribbons down hot cheeks as she held her young clone self in her arms, clucking nonsense noises to try and comfort them both as she walked through the institutes’ doors. Suddenly she stared up at her own face, a large pale moon, smiling eyes bringing comfort. Rough arms tore her away from the warmth, that moon fading as the corridor rushed away and cold descended.
This way home.
A harsh voice boomed in Phoeb’s head as she fell to her knees in the memory’s wake.
The Declorian warrior stood before her, long arms upraised in an attack stance. Her head ached.
Reports had filtered through from high command that the Declorian had psychic capabilities, but the extent of their psionic will hadn’t been recorded. Phoeb engaged her neural implants for the first time since awakening and was reassured to feel a familiar tick in the back of her skull. At least her biotechnics were still operational.
The Declorian’s eyes narrowed as she found her feet. This monster stood fully seven feet tall. Phoeb assessed its strange stance on those backward bipedal legs. Fangs dripped from an elongated dog-like snout and its arms were ridged with barbed spikes. Long fingers tested the air, bony claw-like protrusions beckoning to Phoeb in parody of the martial stance she’d taken.
Her only advantage was her speed and low center of gravity… she hoped. Few people had survived combat with one of the secretive elite warriors of the Dectrian Asymylate.
The Declorian bellowed in her mind, rattling the shield she’d raised with her neural implant.
It sprang, maw snapping at Phoeb as she rolled straight through its legs kicking sideways and connecting with a satisfying crack. The monster spun away on the other leg as its ridged arms slashed the air centimeters from her chin, the force of that attack causing a backdraft that sucked the air from her lungs.
She extended her roll, curling into a springing summersault to land twenty feet from the Declorian. The creature just stood on one leg and stared, rotating the joint where her kick had landed. A loud click sounded through the canyon, and it stomped the ground with the leg.
Phoeb cursed under her breath “good as new eh?”
This was no good, it was faster than her, stronger than her and she could feel it constantly chipping away at her mental barrier. It probably hadn’t expected her to go on the offensive. What else could she use against it?
A ray of hope broke through mental storm clouds as she studied The Declorian. It wore a survival harness scavenged from the ship. Perhaps the device, designed for humans, could provide an attack point.
The creature burst forwards furiously stomping as dust clouds trailed in the wake of that titanic advance. Those wicked arms slashing impossibly fast at alternating angles. Phoeb reacted on pure instinct, leaping up and using the canyon wall as a springboard to extend her vault, hoping to confuse the creature by attacking from above. The Declorian snatched her out of the air with one arm, the second folding at the elbow to pierce her delicately through the shoulder with its longest barb. Blood arched across the parched earth.
There is no way home.
Its voice echoed loudly in her mind as she screamed, shattering her mental shields. The Declorian slowly drew her toward its maw, eyes glittering as it drank in her terror. She kicked out at its neck desperately, her foot connecting with the survival harness’ water reservoir.
Drops of H2O misted a rainbow in the air, moisture clinging to the Declorian’s leathery black skin. Its grip faltered as the arms halted their advance. Its sharp acrid breath faded as Phoeb slipped from the barb howling in pain before the earth jabbed up at her, knocking the air from her lungs.
She crawled toward the ship, half buried in the scree of the canyon floor. Mist clouded her vision, as the tiny face of her child clone smiled at her…
This way home
ghosts of memory whispered on the wind.
It was hopeless. There was no way to repair the ship. No way to fuel the ship and no way home. Finally, she reached the craft and saw the visor screen lying on the floor. She tried it on in the vain hope that the AI would respond. A tinny voice rose up through a sea of static.
System status: hull damage moderate, stabilising systems bad, engines depleted.
Planetary analysis complete. Prognosis: raw materials present for ship repair, viable bio matter detected, fuel source present.
Phoeb turned to look at the bubbling torso of the Declorian glinting ebon in the desert sun.
The end.
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Hello @raj808,
Give a poet a challenge prompt and what to you get? A verbal banquet rolled up in a perfectly constructed SciFi story. You create the physical universe, and a believable character. The action is cinematic. And, of course, the prompt is brilliantly central to the action. What can I say. Really, really smashing job :)
Thanks so much.
It has been over 6 months since I wrote any fiction, and I felt a little rusty during the writing of the first draft of this story. But I should pat myself on the back I suppose 😂 because I did what any writer who feels rusty should do and put it through a few proofreads (and line edits) before hitting that publish button.
I hope that the story had a decent progression through a plot of sorts.
I found this website today about flash fiction that gives a decent guide to keep you on the right track.
https://rmfw.org/2018/08/15/a-basic-guide-to-flash-fiction/
I followed that structure quite strictly with the - Introduction, Rising Action, Climax, Resolution - format they've outlined. Lots of note pad scrawling with this one... I'm definitely not a 'pantser' when it comes to fiction.
Glad you enjoyed the story @agmoore 🙂👍
Oh... and thanks for the tip. Very kind of you.
Hi Raj
I checked out that link.
This is my operating principle, even when I write an essay. Sometimes I write a piece--story, essay, whatever--and then look throughout to select the one line or incident that grabs the reader, that tells the reader to stay because this will be good.
As for the structure, it's like a classical play. What's good about the link you provided is, it reminds us that writing is logical. It is logical in it's structure and in it's content.
I did enjoy your story. It was so obvious you were in control. You had an idea but didn't just write by the seat of your pants. It's always clear to me when a writer knows the craft and uses tools nimbly.
Write more! Six months is too long :))
Absolutely. I used to write really long environmental descriptions at the beginning of stories, but during my uni course, and through writing fiction regularly, I learned that it is much better to jump into a story at a point of action. Even if you are describing the environment (setting), it should be in some type of movement to draw the reader right in. Character can be shown through how the protagonist reacts to conflict for example.
The craft is the final piece of the puzzle I think. It took me ages to realize that I have to be a planner rather than a pantser to find that craft.
biddi-biddi-biddi
... Oh, Buck!
Ha ha, I didn't know what this was in reference to so I had to google
biddi-biddi-biddiand this is what the great amorphous tinterweb hivemind came up with.BIDDI-BIDDI-BIDDI: THE BEAUTIFUL OUTER-SPACE BABES FROM ‘BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25TH CENTURY’
I think Phoeb could definitely be considered a kick ass space babe 😂
Glad you enjoyed the Sci-fi @c0ff33a,
Thanks for reading
I'm a sucker for very old skool sci-fi, just ask @traciyork what the frell I am like
Nothing wrong with that :)
I'm a huge fan of sci-fi, but particularly Iain M Banks and his culture series of novels are what got me into sci-fi writing. I guess in that way I'm more of a modernist with my sci-fi tastes... having said that I was brought up with first series Star trek and films like ET and Flight of the navigator 🤣 Clasiic cheesy 80's sci-fi right there.
I read a great deal when I was young, one of my favourites was Soul of a Robot by Barrington J. Bayley - considering when it was written well ahead of his time!
I'll check that out, I haven't read it.
A good book, or film, recommendation is worth its weight in gold in these lockdown times. I've read my own weight in books the last year.
Frell yeah! 😂
(if I had a $Hive for every time my husband & I have quoted this at each other over the years, I'd be a Hive Whale a million times over...😂)
Oooh that's a good one, but I have to confess I have a soft spot for Chiana
Because I can never be bothered combing my hair when I wake up too 🤣
@raj808 Sorry for turning your comments into a FarScape fest
Your post has been voted as a part of Encouragement program. Keep up the good work!
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Thanks ecency 🙂
Stunning story, @raj808. The suspense was palpable. I love how you echo the notes about home throughout. What a nice touch. And you could give a class in writing rich and vivid descriptions! It's so good to see you writing again.
Thanks @jayna
Glad you enjoyed it, and that the suspense came across.
Yeah, I was happy with the idea behind that device, with the echoing mantra being a psychic intrusion from the alien... or was it? I kinda felt that it worked with the ambiguity of if Phoeb had started the mantra 'This way home' and the alien had appropriated it, or if it was all a psychic trick to lure her on to the canyon. Not sure if that came across, I might have been too ambiguous 😂
Ahhh! I can see that now. Yeah it’s hard to convey everything you want to in a story. All we can do is our best and hope that our readers fill in the blanks with their imaginations!
Cheers movement19 🙂
I shall try to drop in the show again next week. And I'll check out the curation post.
Gritty and creative tale. Being stuck on some alien planet with a broken ship is one of those things that keeps me awake at night. Great job @raj808!
Glad you enjoyed the sci-fi madness litguru
Yeah, it was a sticky situation Phoeb found herself in.
Sorry for adding to the nightmares 😉 I should have tagged this horror as well lol
Beautiful story... I pity Phoeb. Being stranded on a desert is not something anyone would dream of.
Keep it up.
Thanks for reading bruno-kema
Yeah, it was a sticky situation Phoeb found herself in... kung fu fighting against a seven foot armored killing machine 😂
Delighted with the description of the events. The fight was spectacular, it was like being in a Star Wars or Star Trek movie.
Your literary style is impeccable.
Thanks ricardo
Really glad you enjoyed the story, and especially the fight scene choreography ;-)