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To support your work, I also upvoted your post!

You are welcome @sonofremi! It is great to see you are doing your first steps! Great work!

This is an exciting story, a trio of thieves want to pull off the most important robbery in their history, they want to get hold of Queen Elizabeth's crown. In the end something goes wrong, but very wrong'.

You might want to check the voices assumed by the narrator and arrange the writing, separating by paragraph, according to the ideas. In the last paragraph there is an idea repeated three times. Careful editing is an important part of writing. Keep writing your exciting stories.


Hello @sonofremi,
My most immediate impression of this story is that it would make a great movie script. Your first story, also, would have been excellent as a movie. It seems you visualize the action with precision. You share that with the reader so that we can follow the characters and 'see' what they do at each step of their journey. You also give us insight into the characters' motivation. Your narrative arc is strong.

Where readers might fail to appreciate the full value of this story is in the editing. I know this is very difficult to correct. Some of your word choices are awkward. This for example

the lobby was brimming with existence with

This editing issue is regrettable, because the story is very strong and these flaws interfere with our appreciation of that.

I encourage you to keep writing. You have a wonderful imagination, and seem to enjoy creating these scenarios. Perhaps there is someone who can help with proofreading your stories, or you might use an application such as Grammarly. I have never used this application but understand some people think it's good. I have a proofreader in the family (my husband!) who kindly corrects my mistakes before I publish when I write a blog.

Thank you for sharing your adventure/love story with us :)

This is a most interesting story, @sonofremi. You have the most essential quality of a writer: imagination. And, you also have the ability to share what you see. Your words reveal vivid scenes. You create characters we care about. Your story arc is strong. It is important to note that this story is like an unpolished gem. As others have noted in the comments here, with editing this story would really shine.

Thank you for posting the story to the Ink Well community. Have you read and commented on the work of at least two other writers this week? (See The Ink Well community rules on our home page.) This helps our community thrive, and also makes you eligible to be chosen for a spotlight in our weekly highlights magazine. Thank you!


I liked the couple, the sense of danger, a match made in paradise as you said and the twisted ending.