DEAF Ears

in OCD3 years ago

Everything you need to know is in this opening paragraph but I'll elaborate to keep your brain awake. I told about 200 people at a memorial service once. People didn't listen once. That's three memorials I've been asked to speak at by the way (I can't say no and they know it!!) on behalf of someone who was here and is now dead as a doorknob. Since then I've repeated myself I don't know how many times I don't know how many times many times: Quit fucking dying!

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I first wrote about it three years ago when I told you about Chris—35, wife and two kids, bad batch of cocaine. I called him my biggest fan. This is my I don't know many times mentioning Chris since he died.

Hello ello llo 0o . "He got a bad batch of cocaine." That means they're cutting cocaine with fentanyl; mixing, merging, combining, fusing, cutting cocaine with fentanyl. I don't know how many times I have to say it. I don't know the effects of a good cut, either, but I know for a fact a bad one kills you.

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I traveled solo back to California last weekend. I haven't been around all my friends like that since 2017. I either didn't get enough sleep or stayed awake the whole time, one or the other, I'm unsure which. I sure am tired though.

Drama. Don and Ilene have been together 25 years, they just had their first grandchild last year. Stan and Mindy have been together 20 something years, too, they have three grandkids together. I just found out Don and Mindy have been fuckin the whole time! I don't know how they kept it from all of us for two and a half decades, I had zero inclination that was going on. There's two fresh divorce cases on the docket.

Good. I had some good food while I was there too. Great food. The most delicious food ever. Los Angeles has arguably the best cuisine in the world. Most foodies will say its second to San Francisco but I'm probably biased, San Francisco's a stellar runner-up. With the good comes the bad.

I've known Richard nearly 35 years. We met way back in 7th grade, I would've been 12 years old. He's a big dude, always has been. Big - tall and big - wide. He's probably 6-3 and weighs between 250 and 300 pounds—cool dude. I've seen him throw hands before, too, he's not just big he's quick and agile—athletic. He and I played football together back in the day. Someone you wouldn't want to piss off.

Sienna Noelle Romero is Richards daughter. Please click that. I don't know if is or was is appropriate. Richard's my only homeboy to date who's buried his own child. Sienna was 18 years old last month.

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Before Pura and after my first wife, I dated quite a bit. There's a 17 year gap there, it's taken me this long to learn how to be a better person. The longest relationship I maintained with one girl during that 17 year span was an off/on relationship for approximately two years with Kristi Jean Engilman/Yates. Please click that.

Kristi was beautiful. She had long, wavy and thick hair. She was a hair stylist and owned her own salon so it's always different colors. Kristi has a little brother named Nick, he registered that go fund me page in the previous paragraph. Nick Engilman has now buried (in this order) his mother, his father, his brother and, finally the last of his kin, his sister Kristi.

Kristi is survived by two small children, Gunner and Liberty. She had a huge heart. She had a large circle of friends, was a great cook and always available when someone needed her. I wish I could've seen her one more time. She is loved and she will be missed. Kristi was 41 years old last month.

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Simply put, hope you caught up. I get you tho, we seem to bury the people as often as the past. Ain't been back in the trailers for a bit here but LA food makes up for most sins. But also biased get in on some good old Kentucky and West Virginia (sorry tied 4 first) home cookin.

Damn shame about your friends but keep on keepin on

Copy that on making up for most sins.

Thanks man, it ain't always jokes and curse words. Guess that would be too easy.

Like that one about Kentucky cuisine. Hashtag ThatsSomeFunnyShit. I mean, don't get me wrong, I just wouldn't be caught dead (OD'ing) consuming a double deep fried grilled Mac n cheesy egg sandwich between two glazed donuts smothered in bacon and gravy.

PS—I didn't just pull that outta my ass

I know that one 😂 I've eating more deep fried fuck ups than I can count, on the up side it's equally offset by butter fried cabbage and stuffed pork belly rolls not to mention the greeeeeens. Home cookin ain't always what it's cracked up to be.

And of course, sometimes we gotta take a break from jokin and cussin. Otherwise we'd just be boring.

What'd the sick chickpea say to the other chickpea?

I falafel?

I knew it was a bad day for jokes.

Nah just chickpeas, you seen what they do to those poor bastards to make falafels...now that's a bad day

My condolences to you. That's a rough set of punches there. Was drug overdose the cause in all three cases here? Either way, hugs 🤗

Thanks man. Everything changes so fast doesn't it? Four years is a long time.

Outta respect and love for the families, ya'all are gonna have to draw your own conclusions. I hope you understand.

Man… to be honest, I would say it's only a bad business model if the number of clientele dying off outnumbers the number of new clients onboarding. Which is a really, really shitty thing to think about, if I'm being honest.

On a totally unrelated note, show me a guy lacing cocaine with fentanyl and I'll show you a guy I'm getting ready to go kill tonight. Hold my beer I'll be right back.

Grab your machete and hammer.

It is done.

Oh Yeah! 😁

The waffle side, right, not the claw part? Partly why we get along so well if I'm being honest.

Yeah. To be honest I think it's faster that way.

Sorry to learn about your friend Kristi, leaving young ones behind!

Getting together with friends learning of love gone wrong, well you haven't been in town for some time, much changes.

Along the road we lose our friends, hope the fund goes well and yes I did take a look.

Take care @dandays life is not straight forward, nor fair.

@tipu curate

You're the best @joanstewart, thank you. Yes, bitter sweet, that's for sure when you've been away for awhile. If they wouldn't die it would just be sweet.

I guess I'm just lucky is all because none of my friends have done anything I wouldn't or have done. One selfish night in the 21st century is all it takes anymore. Hashtag Dead.

Thank you.

Aren't you glad you have had the experience, the years of fun, yes many leave, some too early, we cannot change only accept and get on.

Enjoy the day, the week, the year whatever we have, as best as we can!

Oh heck yeah I'm glad to have had the experience.

Check this out. I'm also glad autocorrect didn't correct goad just now when I meant to type 'glad.' I love it when a random refresher presents itself.

Exactly why I work from a PC and proper computer, hell who knows what would be revealed using Predictive text 😄🙃😂

So sorry about your friend, death is something which is hard to come to terms with. Worst still when the person is so young.
My heart felt condolences to you and your friend's loved ones.
Sending prayers and good wishes your ways.

Thank you. Prayers to you and yours too.

How have you been? I see you're doing all kinda curating. 👊🏼

I wish they would stop dying, that would be cool. I wish I wasn't so good at death, too, that would be real cool. You're right, the younger they isn't any easier.

=~}

Words are never enough at times like these.
I hope and pray no more of this for you.
I am good, trying my best to do all I can, but then..

No wonder you didn't sleep. Wow! Going home is always a trip of a trip, isn't it?

I'm so sorry to read that two people you've known have gone from life in such a manner.

Great photos, especially the cover image!

stops wishing I'd had fish in California

Not so jealous anymore eh?

Glad you liked the photos. At first I went out of my way down to the station and got a straw, cut, wait! Nobody does blow with a straw.

Even if it's cut

Trip. Yes it is. Needing vacation from vacation is real like OD'ing only different.

Nope. Total mack truck hit.

You got a straw??? 🤣🤣🤣 Too funny. Yeah, you definitely need a vacation. There's a reason I don't go back to where I grew up and you just confirmed a bunch of them.

I'm so sorry to hear about that dandays

Wish you didn't have to read it. Thank you.

=}

When friends and loved ones die prematurely your world gets shaken up. A sobering effect to say the least. Makes you think about your own life and where you want to go starting tomorrow.

Nailed it.

Wasn't until I clicked the post button this one kinda ruined my day. Both pieces of news were a surprise so I reacted in the form of an article. I'm glad you read it sir.

Thank you.

And life keeps moving forward... holy crap, you need a break brother, so much sadness.
So sorry you had to go through all of this stuff. It hurts. We have had our share of this also. My oldest brother fell out of a tree stand and became a paraplegic, a few months later my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, two months later my youngest sister was in an accident that left her in a wheelchair forever, then my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer, just 8 months later. Mom and dad left us first, my brother still struggles through life and my baby sis is now in a care facility.
Shuffled in was an overdose death of my son's best friend, another friend of my oldest son was another OD, then a nephew, just 22, died while running to get in shape for his collage baseball season. It was really tough for a few years. My wardrobe was nothing but black. We have no control, except how we deal with all of the sadness.
I learn lessons, I no longer sweat the small stuff, it's a waste of time, something that none of us knows how much time we have left.
Find the joy, be at peace.💙

Yikes that's a rough stretch. How'd the young exercising guy die, what was the diagnosis on that?

Good morning Farm-Mom. I wasn't prepared to hear those things, apparently four years is a long time. One of those things that makes you jump up and lace your fingers atop your head and pace around unconsciously. This is my only outlet. But it really messed up my day yesterday!

Thanks for keeping an eye on me this long, farm-mom, both you guys. What do you do when all that shit hits the fan, just go to sleep and wake up and do it again the following day or am I doing it wrong?

=}

Sienna was 18 years old last month. Such a tragic story Within a seven year period we buried 7 and still hope for the best for my brother and sister who have such challenges daily.
The only way I get through this is to stay strong, staunch, and positive.
Life is a bitch and then you die. I know you hate that word, but it is the truth. Life is no picnic. But I hang on because I have the best mate. No person in this entire world could care for me more than Bob. We are a great team. Life sucks sometimes, but if you manage to get through it, life will be beautiful again.

My daughter gets married in 17 days, whoa, big step, but my money is on her future hubby, great guy, we love him AND his family. Good start, don't ya think?

So my buddy, stay strong, lick your wounds and be positive, you have your mate by your side.
Peace be with you.

Oh yeah I'm rip roarin ret'ta go again @farm-mom! That's funny about I hate that word, I had to skip over it like a record so when I read that part I got a good laugh.

Happy to hear you are ok.
The mom worries about her friends.

I swear I'm allergic to it, thank God. I've partied less than 10 times with that stuff. Each time it made me all nervous and tired so I passed out and woke up hung over.

Gee... Fun...

This touched my heart deeply. I have lived so close to drugs, so close that I lived it myself. Very soon I will put it into words and if possible what I experienced can help others.
It is not easy to talk about these things but it is really very necessary, and we can not keep quiet, nor stop.
I hope you can help many more in their lives and not in their funerals.
A hug of friendship because I know how much it hurts to lose loved ones to this disease.
We continue to read each other.

Have I told you lately I'm happy we met? I'm not making that up. Only a handful of grandparent stories resonated and you're right there.

Thank you. I'm no stranger to anything any of my friends have or have not done. I just do my gambling elsewhere that doesn't involve death for one night of selfish pleasures. I hope I don't have to repeat repeat myself again.

I hope they hear me. I have a feeling you know what I'm talking about.

Oh thank you, I am also very happy to meet you.
I think it's kind of like when we were kids and we just bonded with the other kids as if they were lifelong friends (even if it's a few years hehehe). I think being able to read what's inside another person without having to judge attitudes, or anything else, just simply knowing the deepest part of their being through the one we read. That's great, and that's how I'm getting to know you.
And I thank God that you are a very smart man and make good decisions, that will surely take you even further.
and yes, keep speaking up for those who can't anymore... and hopefully others won't be subjects of our posts.
Ahh! i joined discord but i still don't know how to use it, but i still leave you my tag: mbdonzella 7166

Damn man what the hell? Both of them die from bad coke? The 18 year old girl is awful! Anyone dying is tough for sure but 18 is far too young!

Couldn’t imagine passing when you have small children left behind. That’s a very tough break for everyone involved.

Well, look at Don and Mindy! That’s going to be my sister. She married a shitbum that is 110% cheating on her with her oldest friend and she either doesn’t know or see it or ignores it. Guy posts more pictures with the friend than he does my sister! Morons. My wife and I are the asshole though for pointing it out and calling a spade a spade.

I appreciate you checkin this one out. Thank you.

I guess maybe I just thought being that close to one OD on bad coke would suffice, I wasn't prepared for more. Bro I hope they stop doing that. 18—gone. 2 small children—gone. That's not supposed to happen.

Dude! You know how many times we've partied together for 2+ decades? I don't. There's been some finger pointing, name calling, and divorces along the way but it wasn't a surprise like yours sisters husband. Those two though, Don and Mindy, not the slightest clue. No pictures on the internet, no same room eye contact, nothing, not even a hint of affair. Touché them.

Condolences and Respect...

And of course...

Giphy's

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Hey you changed your profile pic again. Your responses are one of a kind, not many get me all girly but yours do. Tee hee hee.

Thanks man. If they'd quit dying I could write more jokes.

Keep On Truckin.

Profile Pics = Growing Pains

So how long have you been gender neutral..?

Manly in the Morning..!

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And Girly, WTF..?!?

"not many get me all girly but yours do. Tee hee hee."

Ok, I will roll with it...

All Girly by the afternoon..!

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Teee Heeee Heeee... LMFAO..!!!

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Quite a sad post (even the undercover 20 year relationship). The things we have to go through sometimes (I had my rought patch that ended about 2 years ago). Your friends were quite young as well, dang. 😔

Sad for sure. They haven't done anything worse than I've ever done. Cocaine just isn't the same anymore, I'm not sure how clientele dying off boosts business sales but it does. Doesn't make sense.

Thank you.

A bad cut has ended the life of quite a few friends and some family members of mine. At my age, I've also survived many friends who just "passed away" fairly young from long term negative effects of the ongoing 'party life'...

Condolences to you. Stay clean...

I'm trying to. It's been a little over seven years this time but I went 10 once and fell backwards. Thank you my man, I'm trying to.

I miss your content. At the same time however, I'm kinda all mushy feelin inside you keep an eye on me while you're not posting.

Sounds like you're even more experienced with this than I am. Burying a mother, in my opinion, is the toughest. Not by a whole lot though, AngryMan.

Thank you.

Well... If I am more experienced at this watching people be lowered into the ground thing than you @dandays, it's most likely only due to my age.

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My condolence @dandays! Cremated my brother years ago due to suicide and then lost my father earlier this year to cancer. Quit cocaine! Take care!

Ouch. I don't know how to respond to that. God bless you.

It gets easier doesn't it? Doesn't go away or anything and it takes a long time but it gets easier. The initial shock is real challenging.

Thank you WittyWheat. =} I hope this finds you and yours well.

Yup. It will take a while but it gets easier with time.
Going through pictures and wonderful memories together help a ton.
Pray in your heart that they went to a better place.
Stay clean for Pura's sake! 😄

Damn, that's a lotta hurt right there. Life can give the sweetest pleasure and the most hellish pain and sometimes it comes so rapid-fire that it makes you just wanna get drunk. Beautiful lives lost, long time marriages destroyed...they cause lasting pain for untold numbers.

#quitfuckingdying

As ugly as that hashtag is it's got a ring to it. An essence.

How's it goin Tamaralovelace? I recognize you, you're that one who hasn't posted for awhile and eagerly ready to jump back in. 💖

Life. It just keeps going doesn't it? Just keep waking up.

#QuitFuckingDying

Wake up and get right...and #QuitFuckingDying...a new life motto

At times like these, I plant a tree, or a rose bush, just something that I can see grow and that's full of life. For me, it's then a living reminder of the life that's no more and in some ways, the act of creating a new life from a seed and the reason for me planting it forms a connection... I give up, I can't explain it, but it helps me. Might be worth a try. Apologies for the usual clumsiness.
Anyway. You're in my thoughts mate. Be kind to yourself.

If there's one thing I won't forget you told me it's this message. How's that for your clumsiness?

Thank you. I never considered it and now it's my new Mornal. Great idea. I mean it'd be a lot easier if they'd stop dying but in the mean time some new, flower blooming vegetation is genius.

Sadly as we get older, the more deaf we 'ave to deal wif. Doesn't get any easier though.

My prayers will go for Gunner and Liberty...

I always appreciate the fact that you can't fake that shit up, if you have something on you mind, you word it out, even the hard pills to swallow.

Cheers homie!

I know you don't drink but there's no equivalent for tokers

I sure do appreciate that Ed. Thank you. It was a lot easier to put it together than it was to read the live version. Once it was posted it kinda ruined my day kinda. Dude Kristi was a really good person.

Thanks for noticing Ed. 👊🏼

Don't do anything stoopit!

Hey bud, jee I'm so sorry to read this, but people who choose that life are taking the risk unfortunately. It really does suck when their families are left behind.

I hope that you get a bit of proper rest after that home hangover bud. Take it easy.

I'm rested now, had to relax by the pool aalllll day yesterday to alleviate jet leg traveling from one time zone to the next and back. 'Oh darn'

Yeah I really wish they'd stop doing that. Nobody I know has done anything worse or better than I've done, it could've been any of us at any time. The difference is I don't touch hot water when someone says "it's hot." I take their word for it.

Thank you.

Damn man, this is a hard post. I can't say that I feel sorry for these people, just as no one should feel sorry for me if I suddenly die of lung cancer, because I've been smoking for 15 years. I feel sorry for their children.

Shitty right? I don't know what I'll do next, I keep mentioning it but they're not listening. I railed up three lines on a cover image viewable by virtually the whole world this time, they're not listening. Got any suggestions? I'm open for suggestions.

Hard post, agreed. Thing ruined my day. If they'd quit frikkin dying over one night of selfish indulgence I wouldn't have to get all serious! 👊🏼

Thank you Natord.

Got any suggestions?

No. I think it's all useless. Just accept it. Everyone goes through life with their own demons.

What a week...


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They won't listen man.

Do you know if any of them "had the jab"?

Negative. I do not.

I keep asking because there are so many deaths that are not being connected to the jab because people are assuming there is no link

Just a bad cut in party favors Frot.

Straight from my buddy's dads mouth: he received both pfizer shots and got Covid. He smokes and he's probably early 70's. But then he went and got the booster anyway.

I can't explain it.

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