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3 years ago in OCD by rok-sivante (77)
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Oh Rok, you know I absolutely love the nitty gritty posts you write. The rawness is mesmerizing.
I really deeply appreciate your honesty about your situation and I can relate to the 'bleakness' myself. I think the pandemic has brought on a worldwide shockwave of being faced with your own shit because it seems we are collectively all being held accountable about who we are as people due to the abrupt pausing of our 'normal' world.
I hear you when you say, don't do what I did.
And at the same time, I always believe that these things happen for and with a reason, hopefully SOMETHING will come out of it, whatever that something may be (hopefully something positive).
I have been descending deeper and deeper into my dark depression lately and fuck me, it is killing. But so needed.
Thanks for making me feel not alone, even though we are on opposite sides of the world.
PS. I missed your writing! I kept checking your blog to see if anything new had popped up !
And I so appreciate your feedback/response!
Indeed, there are many gifts in the last year on the flip side of the madness. I really needed to slow the fuck down and reassess everything. It was interesting that last night, actually, I felt as though this may be the first time ever I’ve had to really pause and reflect upon how I’ve just been pushing through life without ever taking a real look at some of the deepest stuff I’ve shoved under the rug and been distracting myself with the whole time that had led to the repeated burnout/breakdown. also been revisiting some ‘depression’ that haven’t experienced in a while lately - unpleasant, though a goldmine of wisdom in it, when exploring objectively and listening the guidance in/through the experience.
(I feel that’s almost repeating what was written in this post - though perhaps needed to summarize it and recount where I’m at now - feeling sorta detached from when I wrote it a couple weeks ago, not even fully remembering the content until I went and read it again after now. Haha.)
I really haven’t been in the mood at all for writing, but knowing this type of stuff lands with even just one person - you - may be incentive to just push through the resistance and bang something out when the brief moments of feeling it come... 🙏💖
Did you reveal the meaning of life?
ok, shit...
I was about to edit the other comment and try give a brief summary of what it was... flipped me around to edit and repost it once again in its entirely.
I do recall you requesting more when I'd written on the issue of self-help addiction shit and said I'd give you the head's up when I did - and this is certainly up that alley.
so knowing there's at least one person here that actually might dig the nihilistic tone and see through to the core, here it goes for a second attempt.
we'll see how long until I flip back and delete again. lol.
no. that's only for sale in my exclusive $995 Patreon. lol.
(just kidding. I ain't got no Patreon and will give it freely should the download ever arrive.)