Hitting and missing life milestones

in OCD11 days ago (edited)

While walking to lunch with a new colleague today, we were talking about getting older, though they are about a decade younger than myself. I was saying about not knowing at which point I started looking in the mirror and seeing my dad and have been wondering if I will ever feel like an adult. My colleague was saying how they envy people who have their "life together" and know what they are doing, while they (and I) are still in the phase of thinking about what we are going to do when we are adults. I think that this is common.

But, I do question whether the people who have their lives together and seemingly know what they are doing, actually feel that way or do a good job of faking it. I also introduced the idea that a lot of these people seem to have very clear goals that serve as milestones on their journey through life, so accomplishing them gives them a sense of positive progression, as they are hitting their targets - career, partner, house, kids....

While that list is very generic and a culture driven stereotype, I was wondering how sensitive to change some people's life journey's are and, how useful they are considering that they likely created the sense of the list at a much younger age with far less knowledge and experience.

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I used the story of a child who's parents didn't buy them a toy who then protests by saying that when they grow up, they are going to spend all their money on those toys. If that child did grow to invest a significant amount of money into toys, would it be money well spent?

This is going to depend on many factors of course, but my point is that while a child holds certain beliefs and assumptions about the world and imagine their future in relation to what they know. But, so does an eighteen year old and a twenty five year old. If we create the milestones for accomplishment from a naïve and uninformed position, does our path of success capture all the things that will be important to us in the future, or will we be hitting goals that will increasingly become irrelevant?

I have the sense that there is a lot of people "winning" out there and accomplishing their goals, but they aren't necessarily having a good time of it. Perhaps with the disruption that was caused by the pandemic in 2020 and beyond, forced people into an evaluative role as they were pushed into their homes and against the people close to them. I think that as I predicted very early on, there are reports of a growing increase in suicides, which I put down to the increase in various stress factors, economic hardship and a widening disconnection of social relationships.

When we get pushed into a reflective state, we might take that step back and recognize that while we have been hitting our milestones year on year, we still have something fundamentally missing. Once the focus is turned away from our goals, new information comes to light that should affect our next decisions, but if we have tied our identity to milestone achievements, change can be very difficult as it can feel like we are losing ourselves.

While hitting those goals feels good in the short-term, it also means that it is soon forgotten as the next takes its place, and if we aren't paying attention to the changing conditions and the change as us as individuals, the path can take us into places we do not want to go, once we stand up and look around at where we actually are. I don't know if I am the kind of person who will ever "grow up" and work out what I am meant to do, but perhaps that is also part of being somewhat resilient to the dynamic nature of life itself.

While not having milestones can mean a lack of direction, it also might encourage curiosity and a willingness to be open to the possibility of the unfamiliar. Or perhaps, searching to discover potential is a milestone itself.

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]

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Hello @tarazkp

Interesting thoughts on how to see the future. Yesterday I went, accompanied by my wife, to a shopping center and we stopped at a store to ask for a bottle of vitamin supplement. The clerk, very kind, answered us that the product was offered in two modes. One for adult, I immediately thought, this is ours, but instantly she said the other presentation was for people over fifty. Right away my wife and I looked at each other. I guess we smile behind our masks because of the expression in our eyes. Self-perception sometimes does not go with reality, although I regularly think that the assumption of age is only an attitude problem that is confronted with the results of the type of life you lead.

You're right, future-based goals are being reconfigured as you go down the road.

While age is just a number, unfortunately the body still degrades, regardless of mindset.

Our of curiosity, which did you buy?

None! We prefer fruits and vegetables as a source of vitamins, without forgetting the sun's rays. We only asked out of curiosity. But if he had bought it, it would be the one over fifty. LOL

It is definitely best to get them naturally if possible.

Perhaps if I dress like a teen, I will feel like one :)

Maybe my friend. But surely if you eat them that way it will be. Remember the Greek adage: you are what you eat. For fruits and vegetables, the fresher the better. Freshness can be a synonym for youth.

Fresh food is something I miss from Australia, since half the year, nothing really grows here. An apple shouldn't be 8 months old.

For sure! Moving from the southern hemisphere to northern Europe is quite a radical change in many respects. Sure, Finland will have its own charms, if you weren't still in Australia.

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Hey, @tarazkp.

I'm probably not the best to advise or to provide definitive answers about milestones given what my life is like right now, but there was a point, about 10 years ago, where I was achieving beyond any milestones I might have placed.

It's all kind of crumbled and crashed part way down the mountain since then.

However, enough was done in that earlier part that life goes on and hope continues and at some point the climb will continue.

I'm in agreement with the idea that milestones will change with time, as the maturation process, such as it is, takes place. Life experiences tend to helps us determine quite a bit of what we truly want and don't want, while still leaving enough ambiguity to give us a chance to chase after some things that may or may not matter.

I think I'm a few years down the road from you, and so far, there really hasn't been that aha moment. The body has certainly gone down hill but the mind still wants to do what it wanted to do for the last 45 years at least—create something. Anything. Then, make money.

So, I'm sure I'll keep trying that, while I try to do something else to help support life in the real world. :)

It's all kind of crumbled and crashed part way down the mountain since then.

A lesson worth the cost?

The body has certainly gone down hill but the mind still wants to do what it wanted to do for the last 45 years at least—create something. Anything. Then, make money.

I see this position as that of the greats - creators. It doesn't even matter if they made the money (though that is nice), it is being able to spend a life being generative, rather than extractive. The best of course is when what is generated is valuable enough to create demand for it; a painting, a bridge, a cure.

At the end of life, I don't care how I am remembered, but I do hope that I had a positive effect.

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re: a lesson worth the cost

Well, maybe. Unless it was meant to teach me some bad choice or fault of mine, then, I haven't learned at all. :)

If I was supposed to learn that government only cares about itself and self-preservation, and that it will do so no matter what the cost or collateral damage, then I don't know that I needed the lesson, but it certainly cemented it forever as far as I'm concerned.

re: creators

There have been times, if I think about it, where I've created for just the fun of it, or for the enjoyment of others, but that's mostly been for family or friends. Otherwise, the entrepreneurial part of me has expected some sort of financial benefit for the time spent. Except for HIVE, that has not been the case.

re: end of life

Very good sentiments, and most assuredly, because of them, and because you are endeavoring to do so, you are and thus will. :)

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,,and have been wondering if I will ever feel like an adult.''
It is quite nice to hear that people older than me still don't feel like adults. No one knows how much time a person has left in this world but in some way this seems reassuring that I still have time to have crazy dreams and perhaps even to turn them into reality.

never stop dreaming, but more importantly, never stop working toward making them a reality. Even if the dreams change over time, be ready to put one down and pick up the next - if under heavy reflection, it seems the right thing to do.

Aging has its perks, wisdom is one for sure. Another sure bet is unexplainable pains. I hurt my wrist the other day putting my hand in my pocket.

I hurt my wrist the other day putting my hand in my pocket.

Ironically because your privates were aching? :D

I have lived more than half my life in pain, it is getting worse.

Possibly an itch. Not sure if it was that or twisting the lid on the bottle cap, embarassing and equally truthful at the same time.

it is getting worse.

Ain't that the truth!

Everything clicks and creaks and cracks.

@tarazkp. Different subject. The other day you powered up 200 and mentioned where you were ranked in HP. Where do you see that stat?

http://hivebuzz.me/ranking

just put your name in the top right and then you can sort by column.

I think that people that look like they have it together are just as lost as everyone else. Many think my husband and I have it together but in reality we are just as lost as everyone else is. Imposter syndrome is what I call it.

It is nice to at least appear having it together at least. I don't think we give off that vibe at all the last few years.

You have always seem to have it together to me. I think when we are outside looking in we think everyone has their answers even when we don't. When reality is no one has their answers they are just making it up as they go along. Goals are something they can use to pat themselves on the back, cause I know that is what I do when I reach one of my goals. JS.

Ah...the thing I learned at the University at about 21 was...there was this paradox that you needed to be in the Uni for at least 2 or 3 years before you knew what you would like to be in the Uni for.

Fifteen years later, I think it was all the same since they actually gave you a method (one that was designed for achieving meta-academic milestones). Luckily, that "never miss a year, time is short" attitude changes. While true, it's also misleading.

One does need the experience.

Then again, everything is experience.

So, I am happy to stick to that "live by your principles" principle and carpe me some diem.

I remember a same-age friend coming over some years back and despite doing really well in their career and having been in a stable relationship for several years, they still managed to look at my kids and my house with some envy and feel like they were failing at life because they hadn't gotten there yet. Even my pointing out my lack of career and the fact kids shouldn't be a checkbox (have them if you want them, don't if you don't) didn't really help XD

So yeh not sure how "got it together" the people who have it together really are sometimes :D

Maybe it is that we are generally never happy with what we have, as there are just far too many options available. Ignorance is bliss, because it means that one doesn't know alternatives - once there are alternatives, there is resource scarcity.

ADHD helps in that situation XD Or at least helps me, yes I see you other options, yeh some even look cool, but I'm interested in what I'm doing and don't feel the need to branch out XD

or conversely I try some things and don't like it and drop it without an iota of regret over the time investment because nothing is a waste of time if you got something out of it even if it is the knowledge that you're not really interested in that thing

Good comment
sarcasm^