It is weird spending the night alone. It feels that it has been a very long time since the last time and I think it would have been when I last traveled for work, which was at the end of 2019. I can't remember the last time I was actually home alone - but I think that it was when my daughter was in hospital with seizures, as my wife was able to sleep there on the floor next to her. That was about two and a half years ago.
During the time Smallsteps was in hospital, I kept writing. There was very little else I could do and as I have mentioned before, I use writing for many purposes, including processing my thoughts. Those days and nights after what was the scariest morning I have ever had, brought lots of thoughts. With no explanation as to what was causing the issues, I was very worried and my mind was wandering to some pretty dark thoughts, without me intending them to go there. It wasn't a pleasant time - but it was a time that I also cherish.
One day, I will look back for what I wrote then and see where my head was at. I hope that my daughter will also have the opportunity to read those posts, as well as all the other posts and articles mentioning her, her mother and our life together. I hope that whatever I do or can't do in my life for her, all of what I have written is a gift, something that she can cherish too, a piece of our life together.
As parents and perhaps humans in general, we think about legacy and what we leave behind, some wanting to leave more than others, some wanting to take all they can. A surprise to me is that my writing has become an extension of who I am, something that is tangible and transferable - these words are mine, they will become part of my daughter's inheritance. There are a lot of things that can be bought and made as presents, but perhaps this is the best I will be able to muster for her.
I think that she will learn a lot about her life through this and whatever happens, maybe she will be able discover the answers as to why she is party the way she is through my words. I also wonder if what I write now will align with her knowledge and experience of our times together. I also consider how well some of the topics I write about will age and how off the mark they might be - or perhaps they will be on the money. That'd make for an interesting future.
While I like writing for myself, I also like writing for others and in some way, it is kind of like singing in front of an audience - it is both public and personal at the same time. There is an intimacy in writing out thoughts and sharing them and I am not sure whether people appreciate the exposure. We live in a world where we love to share, but we don't seem to care much about who we share - as long as it supports our perception of the world. It makes the content valuable, the author disposable - as there is always another creator to follow.
But, I don't think too much about my future as an author on Hive or anywhere else, I just hope that more people are empowered to be creative, to get comfortable showing some vulnerability and building more intimate and personal relationships with those they come into contact with. I have a very strong feeling that in the future there is going to be a lot of "class gaps" with one being the mental health of individuals, the people who are able to cope, and those who are not. There is a difference of intention between being emotionally open and being uncontrolled.
Writing helps with my control, because the process searches for and makes me face what my mind might otherwise be hiding - forcing me to acknowledge aspects and at least some space and opportunity to deal with it. If there is a drawback, I write so much that at times I forget that I should share some of my thoughts with others, especially my wife. I find it easier to write though, so perhaps I should just send her links.
On that note, it is time to go to get my clothes ready for the next few days as I can't stay here tomorrow night and then, head to bed alone. At least my snoring won't be an issue.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
What will be amusing is when she remembers situations differently from how you write them XD
"Trust the blockchain"
!ENGAGE 15
ENGAGEtokens.There is always a silver lining isn't there? :)
When the weather is cool, my Sam runs just for the joy of running. Most times when he's in that mode he gets to wagging his tail so hard it throws his running out of synch so he has to slow down and go again.
It's sort of how I write when things are good. I've written for money, I've written for personal gain. Now I mostly just write for the feel good of it.
I have a friend that started on Steem for the express purpose of putting his thoughts down so his younger children and grandchildren could read his words and know him if he left too soon. It's been a powerful thing for him, and I've read about his two youngest growing up to near adulthood. They've even helped him judge a couple of contests he's run. It's pretty special. He's almost not around at all right now because he's crazy busy, but he wrote every day for two years.
I guess my point is: words matter. Writing them down means they can matter over time.
Writing for the enjoyment of it is a bonus - I see it like a hobby that ticks many boxes. I can do what I enjoy, get paid, be part of something that matters, clear my head, protect my words, have something to leave behind... the list goes on.
The @smallsteps account is for this in some way - it is her baby book. I haven't added to it on Hive.
It is part of a much greater conversation. The lessons we have from experience can be preserved and used for years to come - we are the publishers of the future history.
You could probably start the Hive portion of @smallsteps legacy with the new house. Hers, not yours. I have a feeling that is going to be a huge part of her for a while.
One of my friend's most recent posts involved his teaching his youngest daughter a skill his mother taught him. Refinishing furniture. Sort of an amazing tradition, isn't it?
That is a great idea. Thanks!
If I have family regrets, it is not learning more from mine who have passed.
!ENGAGE 15
ENGAGEtokens.It's interesting to pause for a second and try to think about your sensations as a writer and ours as readers. There is a link there between both but is different for everyone. We all create our own little world and by reading you every day, getting to know you through your writing and comments, it is as we probably know you more than many people we have around and see every now and then but know very little about their lives and feelings.
The good part is we do not hear the snoring 😂
Isn't this the internet at its best from a social perspective? All strong relationships take time to develop and I think on Hive we have individual perspectives and lives, but also share collective experiences. I think that because of this, we end up having a different relationship than we would if we were on twitter or Reddit - where people do not tend to get to know each other at depth, it is more about the one liner comments.
Count yourself lucky.
!ENGAGE 15
ENGAGEtokens.Nice words here,
Family is a wonderful privilege.
Knowing someone's got your back. your will be very glad that her dad thought of her and mother pretty much.
While I am all for personal responsibility, knowing someone is there matters too. I think part of building independence is being able to develop relationships that matter.
It is at such moments, when we are left without them, that we understand how important they are in our life.
Yes and I will make the assumption and fingers crossed, I am the first to go. If that is tomorrow, I want my daughter to have at least some of her future questions answered about her background.
My snoring rattles the windows. I've even woke myself up snoring
It seems to run in my family - One of my brothers is insanely loud...
Curated for #naturalmedicine by @drrune.
What a beautiful post. I don't have children, but I've often wondered about what I could give a child should I have one, and I'm happy to say that I could give a lot! My writing, my art, my spiritual practice, all would be at their disposal.
We encourage content about health & wellness - body, mind, soul and earth. We are an inclusive community with two basic rules: Proof of Heart (kindness prevails) & Proof of Brain (original content). Read more here.
Our website also rewards with its own Lotus token & we'd love you to join our community in Discord. Delegate to @naturalmedicine & be supported with upvotes, reblog, tips, writing inspiration challenges for a chance to win HIVE and more. Click here to join the #naturalmedicine curation trail!
We also encourage you to follow our sister accounts, @lotusshares and @uplotus for announcements and rebogs.
Writing is very useful, actually liberating. I can see how some people would prefer to hear the verbal version of the same thoughts. Sometimes the writer can be caught up inside their own mind and a loved one can feel excluded. I find it difficult to express emotions verbally but there is a way to learn how to do it by practicing it daily. We all have various ways to cope with our emotions and writing is good for some of us.