I have a pretty hot wife and since I am not rich or good looking, the general assumption is that I must have a very large... heart.
Now that Smallsteps' official fourth birthday is out of the way today, tomorrow is our fifth wedding anniversary, the grandparents are babysitting for the night and we will go to an early movie and then dinner at the restaurant we visited on our wedding night. "Wedding" is stretching it, as we were married at the magistrates office in front of witnesses we didn't know and we didn't tell anyone for several days - and when they did finally find out (by post) we were in Milan on our holiday, turned makeshift honeymoon.
While we would have liked to have had friends and family there, we had time constraints due to my wife starting a new job that would eat most of her time for the foreseeable future, so we took the opportunity of the already planned trip to get married as well. Budget also factored in heavily and while we were considering having a small gathering of friends and family, there would be far too many close people who wouldn't make the cut - so we cut them all and eloped.
None of this sounds romantic, but it was a lot of fun to secretly plan and prepare together and it threw in some challenges, as we took care of pretty much every aspect of it we could ouselves, mostly to keep costs down.
The dress was bought new, it wasn't a wedding dress, it was cheap and it was too large for my wife, as she can't really buy much off the rack for her frame. This meant that after not having sewn anything for about 20 years and not owning a sewing machine anyway, I had to alter it by hand to fit her. It was a pretty darn good job in the end and she looked great in it.
For the wedding day, we did get a professionally made bouquet, but we left it to a few days before to order, thinking that it would be one of the easiest things, since we are paying for it. But no - the places we went wanted us to book a time for an hour long interview session so as to plan the bouquet (120€) and then the cost of the arrangement itself would be another 120€. The day before, we went to a cemetery florist (that normally does funeral arrangements) and they made a lovely bouquet the morning of the wedding for 30€ - an eighth of the price.
However, you might notice that the shot below doesn't have the same bouquet in it, which is because our wedding selfies were taken a week or so before - so I made it. It was good enough for the photos, but wouldn't have held up well enough to dry and keep. The weather in Finland can be fickle and mid August can be warm and sunny or, pouring down with rain - so we made sure to take advantage of the good weather while we could.
Because we lived in an apartment building with very nosy neighbors who talk a lot, the circles are small and we were trying to make sure we weren't discovered, we ended up getting dressed on location. At the top of a hill in a field in the middle of nowhere and with the sun setting rapidly, it was a bit of a mad dash to get the pictures. I didn't own a proper tripod at the time, only a little gorilla grip, so all the shots were taken from ground level, which makes them a little different to normal wedding photos.
Again, while this wasn't ideal and I do know photographers that would have shot for us, they were friends who we didn't want to let know. One benefit of shooting earlier was I had time to edit them a bit and use one as a print for a postcard announcement, which we sent in the mail a couple days before we left on honeymoon, knowing they would be delivered after the weekend.
We were in our hotel room when the first messages came in and we decided that we would update Facebook with the news so that we weren't undercut by someone in the group who likes to make announcements for first, for other people's special occasions. This created a problem though, because not all letters were delivered on the same day, with some being three days later. One of the delayed letters was to my wife's best friend and now neighbor. She wasn't happy to find out from her cousin who saw it on Facebook.
Of course, people were happy for us, but a few friends and family were upset at our decision to do it this way, because they wanted to be included in the planning and celebrations.
But, as the saying goes, this is our life and the way we live it is up to us. My wife and I tend to live life on our terms and within our means, so even if we do and have isn't to everyone's tastes, it is ours. Too many try to live life to the expectations of others, whether it be friends and family, or society in general and I believe it is a losing strategy as you can never please everyone, which means no matter what one does, there will always be some percentage of those who disapprove of something.
However, I believe that if you plan on spending your life with a person, you either grow together, or grow apart. It is not that each person will always approve of what the other does, but they can support each other and trust that each is trying to be the best version of themselves. There is no "perfect match" in relationships, but there are couples who will bring out the best in each other, even if it is uncomfortable at times.
Life is easy, when you accept that it can be very hard - it is easier when you have someone you trust to walk the paths with and someone you are willing to walk down roads you would never choose for yourself. It isn't luck that finds this kind of relationship - it is conscientiousness and attention to the things that really matter, not the glass that covers them.
I have seen people spend a fortune on their wedding day and go into prolonged debt for the gloss, without having first taken care of the things that actually matter. Perhaps it is because we overrate the honeymoon period, instead of preparing for a honeymoon life, the kind of relationship that allows two people to grow together and be grateful for having the other with which to share experiences.
Everything changes in time, with some changes being fast and large like the birth of a child, and others incremental and slow like the forming of lines on the skin. Life is a constant process of life and death cycles and we live many of them though the length of our time here on earth. Rather than mourn the loss of what was or the limitations we face, we can celebrate the birth of what is and the excitement of the uncertainty of what is ahead and who we are to become.
We agreed no presents. Oops.
Everyone makes mistakes - not everyone learns to forgive them.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
I have always thought about the idea of having a small wedding or just eloping because being the last kid in an African household, a wedding would mean spending so much money, after all, it's about me and my partner and not the world but my mom would kill me, she already has plans about everything. I don't think I want to have over 200 guests at my wedding so I might just do a destination wedding and call that a compromise though.
Anyways I love your tale about your wedding, I laughed and smiled all through. Happy Anniversary to you and yours.
Is 200 considered a small wedding? :D
A destination wedding would have been nice, but we didn't have the time to arrange one and we probably would have had to get married in country at the magistrates office anyway as well to have it legally binding. In Finland, there is little to gain from a marriage, it is far more token gesture.
I don't know much about other culture's wedding traditions - is it normal for mothers to plan everything?
Tiny. That would barely get the relatives in for an Irish wedding. never mind the relatives and friends. You are looking at 400+ for a decent party. It should then last 3-7 days depending on location and time of year.
Insane! In Finland 100+ is considered large - except for in one area where the entire town turns up, so 400 is normalish.
Is the 3-7 days the party time - or the hangover recovery? ;D
My immediate relatives and partners would bring it up to about 120 straight away. Then my girlfriend another 50 maybe. They might not all be invited or be able to go but your looking at 150ish to start. We do big weddings here. About 400 is average seated, then you get a crowd in for the late part with music where you would invite more external contacts. Loose friends and work people.
It's a big deal so a lot of people these days do go out foreign to avoid the huge day out. Go to Portugal with 50 people that you are really close to and book a villa.
About 5 days for the party and another two to recover. 😅
!ENGAGE 20
ENGAGEtokens.200 guests is a lot of people and in Nigeria or at least most families, mothers want to do everything especially in their daughter's weddings
!ENGAGE 25
ENGAGEtokens.Awww.... I feel like falling in love right now. But you are an adventurous person.
I like the part where you said something about living life by your own terms. I think a lot of people don't understand this but i must say it is one way to have peace of mind.
Having a partner who is willing to agree to what you guys did is really great. Some people would start comparing and doing a lot of complaining.
I just have a question
If you were to advise your son, what will be your most important advice to him as regards choosing a partner?
I have to say your wife is a lucky woman..
Happy wedding annadversary. Cheers
All women are crazy, may as well choose a hot one ;D
Really though, it would be to choose someone that he is willing to be the best version of himself for - that is the same for my daughter. Looks don't mean much at the end of the day, but if you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want to have a person you are able to talk to and respect, which generally means someone who will also make the effort to be their best too.
This got me laughing ..
Thank you for the advice. I am so scared to fall into a wrong relationship. It seems funny but information reaching me , says women and men are terrible.
!ENGAGE 20
ENGAGEtokens.You saved yourself a lot of headaches. When my wife and I planed to get married we let a few friends know, then more friends heard, and soon it was no longer our wedding but the wedding they wanted us to have, nice, but stressful, in the end, like you we went to the court and married, on the day we wanted, not the one other people wanted us to have.
I think it was a wise decision. I know that I would have liked to have a few people there, but the limitation of a few would have caused other issues that just weren't worth it. Perhaps on our 10th anniversary, we'll take those who are still around out for ice cream :D
!ENGAGE 20
ENGAGEtokens.Oh I loved reading this post, happy anniversary! The story of you getting married is so romantic, it made me smile. I find it so true when you said that too many go into debt to pay for a fanculy wedding. I think it is worth to put more energy and focus into the marriage itself rather than in the appearances of a glossy wedding as you said.
I like it when I read about people in love, celebrating their relationship. It gives hope in the concept of love itself
!ENGAGE 10
Thanks :)
I think this is true all the way through relationships. Seems these days, a lot of people are more interested in making their relationship social media ready, rather than strong.
The quality of relationships matters in life. The family is the core of society, we need functional well rounded people in order to create positive changes. And, besides, who doesn't love a good lovestory?
Well-rounded seems to be missing these days - a lot of people focus their attention, but forget there is more to life than where their attention is paid.
I agree. Keeping focus on what really matters improves the quality of life
I always assumed you were the hot one.
Guess I was wrong!
I am definitely batting above my average
This is actually a romantic story.
I wish I could just go get married without all of the fuss that comes with Nigerian weddings but my African parents would not appreciate that.
Sometimes I question (no offence here) why some cultures spend so much time trying to please the expectations of their parents, when the concept of children is to evolve further than their parents. Doesn't it limit personal growth and, shouldn't parents be looking to maximize the growth of their children?
No offense taken. It's a very common practice here in Nigeria, only few parents are open minded and not selfish.
I wonder how judgmental I will be with my daughter - I like to think that I will support her in her decisions - but perhaps I think I am also raising her to make good decisions that I would support :D
Aha, your bond started with your your wedding story, as you were both sensible and stuck to your own way of doing magical things. This is clearly reflected in your life now and it's that bond that so many miss.
Sacrifice, commitment, dedication and loyalty are great foundations to build a life upon.
That photographer must have cost a bomb 🤣
We had what they call a "Gypsy" wedding, candles, incense,(myrrh crystals) burned on charcoal tablets, ordinary clothes, all in a small church done by a reverend friend.
Marian's parents were there and three of my friends.
A great post here my friend!
As expensive as my hairdresser ;D
Doesn't sound too bad to me - though i think I burn at the doorway of churches ;) I think to often it is about putting on a show for people one doesn't really care about, nor they care about you - best have the people closest, the ones who you predict will be there for life.
Hahaha, just a tease as I read that you set the camera up.
True, as I thought the same about churches most of my life. In fact I had a pet hate for them, but things took a drastic change in my life. I prefer to be called a believer.
As far as people go, I think weddings are arranged here for the crowds that will arrive with gifts lol. An empty and expensive show that is not worth all of that money. We didn't even have a cake or a party afterwards, but we had each other and that was enough!
I sometimes wonder what it would take for me to be a believer again and always come to the same proof conclusion. When I was a kid I would consider it a lot, which is why I moved away from it over time. Nothing against believers, as long as they don't harm others because of it.
The gifts might be one part of it, but then, with the money spent on weddings and the randomness of gifts, it'd probably be better just to use the same money to buy what is wanted straight up :)
Oh yeah, the proof issue didn't bother me much, but the people did, as if Christians were that sly and cruel, then I wanted no part of them. Religion is poison and my way is very personal. That's why I never bible bash or harass others about their beliefs. Each of us have our own roads to walk in the best way that we can.
So senseless to spend a million bucks on a wedding my friend. To impress others and it's the same as the guy that arrives in a helicopter at his final school farewell do. A couple of years later the expensive wedding couple are divorced and the guy in the helicopter sits at home unemployed.
Values my friend, it all depends on our values.
I think you are talking about the soul.
My wife and I also made my parents happy by dropping a photo of a marriage certificate in one of the messengers :) BUT, in my case, I was forced to play an impromptu party for the loved ones 3 months after the wedding itself.
:)
We are still planning this - we are just waiting to see who is still around after a few years before we start sending invitations :)
Brilliant !!!
@tarazkp, It's late, but congratulations on your wedding anniversary. Have your Australian family members been unable to attend your wedding?
I do not speak English well. By the way, your wedding photo is beautiful, but it gives me sadness.
I wonder why a man born in warm Australia came to live in cold Finland.
I feel loneliness and sorrow as his family is unable to attend the wedding, and seeing the pictures taken with him and his wife alone.
Why did a blonde Finnish woman marry an Australian man from the other side of the world?
No one attended my wedding except my wife and I.
Perhaps this is cultural. In my opinion, a lot of people are fear being alone, fear not having their family to rely on, fear having no support - Yey, many people want to "live their own life". It is a weird contradiction.
She is a woman, I a man. Looks and especially nationality have little to do with it.
Not a big fan of large weddings either. Here, having over a thousand guests has become a "norm" at weddings. You can't imagine the wastage, the unnecessary luxuries money is spent on!
I just don't understand putting that kind of money into any kind of party - what is the point of it?
I don't get it either. Peer pressure..? Show-off...? Ego...? Who knows! Different people have different circumstances under which they either get forced to spend that much, or feel the need to prove their superiority.
These days, Facebook pictures! :D
"None of this sounds romantic".
Man, I wish my girlfriend would go for a plan like this. I've been to a few weddings and have watched the bride and groom. They are working harder than anyone in the room at the reception. Shaking hands and kissing babies.
Your plan seems more intimate and relaxing. An actual celebration.
Besides the weirdness in the magistrates office of random witnesses dressed in sandals - it was great. What would also be nice would be a picnic wedding, with a grill and some decent wine :)
I have a similar vision, but I don't think I could convince my girlfriend.
ENGAGEtokens.