A friend and I were talking the other day about some general health issues and feeling good and he mentioned something interesting to consider. What he said was that the advice always is that in order to feel good, we also have to splurge at times and treat ourselves. However he asked, is that actually the case? While he has never managed it, he posited that it is possible that if instead of treating ourselves we did "what was right" for us, we might actually feel content enough that we wouldn't need to splurge.
What he is essentially saying is that possibly, our inability to control ourselves is because when we are doing the right thing, it is not actually the right thing, so it doesn't satisfy our needs well enough, so we look for more. In many ways, this makes sense if looking at it from the "empty calories" perspective, where our body craves something, but we feed it some kind of substitute, rather than what it actually needs.
For left-field example (and this is not my area but okay for illustrative purposes), I have believed that when a pregnant woman craves some weird food combination like "pickles and peanut butter", they don't actually need them, it is just the body asking for some kind of nutrient they provide. If they were able to get those nutrients from another source, the body would be content still. After all, what did women do when they craved pickles and peanut butter, before knew about them and had access to them? Their bodies still likely craved the same nutrients.
But this spirals into another area as well. A couple of my single friends spend a lot of time dating people from Tinder, yet are lonely. Because they are lonely, they date more people from Tinder who don't fulfil their needs, so they date more. In the end, most of the people on Tinder must be pretty lonely, or taking advantage of lonely people. I am not saying all, but what most are looking for is intimacy, and no amount of sex with strangers is going to fill that void, it will just avoid the feeling the emptiness of it for a little while.
When I was younger younger, I would go out with friends and some of them would keep drinking until they essentially were legless. I call it "Finnish drunk", where people have the mindset that if they are going to start drinking, they are going to finish drinking - meaning they can't possibly drink any more, as they are passed out. They would spend hundreds of euros on drinking, and not even remember most of the night. In my opinion, they were looking for something, but they were substituting it with something else.
Then I have friends that spend a lot of money on clothes or gadgets or the latest music, or wine (I'm having a glass now), or whatever else. They replace their phones with a new model every six months, they buy clothes they never wear (tags still on), buy all the professional equipment for a hobby they give up on after a month. Again, why? What are they looking for and why aren't they satisfied with what they have?
"Be grateful for what you have" - Sure, I agree, but do not be satisfied with it if it is not satisfying your needs. A hungry person can be grateful for getting food, but if the only food they have access to is chocolate, it is going to kill them just as surely as starving, it is just going to protract the process and increase the suffering for longer. People don't think about it this way of course when they say this, as they make the assumption that "what you have" is healthy and enough to subsist on.
Perhaps if we were able to perfectly satisfy our needs with healthy choices, where we have the right nutrition, the right relationships, the right material goods, the right jobs and the right everything, perhaps we wouldn't slip, because we would in actual fact, have everything we need. But, these "perfect conditions2 are impossible, which means that we are always gong to be somewhat unsatisfied, so we either ignore our dissatisfaction, or do something about it. But, there are so many things (a few large and many small) that as we try to find the right peg to fit the many different shaped holes, we are going to get a long of them wrong, making decisions to eat an empty calorie substitute, instead of the nutrition our body is asking for.
And then of course, what our mind and body needs, might not even be available to us at all, which means we have to continually compromise on our needs and also, our wants. This means that we make choices as best we can, knowing it isn't actually going to make us happy, but we have no other option. How many of us drive our "dream car" - how many of us have our "dream house", what about "dream partner"?
None of us.
It is all compromise.
What I was thinking about while considering what my friend said as he went into another meeting, was how this relates to so much of our lives, where we live in an engineered world of continual dissatisfaction. Marketing tells us what we have now sucks, so we should buy what they are selling. Magazines tell us we are ugly, and we'd look better if we use their product. The media tells us the world is scary and we need to be more fearful.
Think of the people who talk about body positivity, yet can't take criticism of their bodies, even if it isn't directed at them. They see a model get back into shape a month after having a baby and they call it "unrealistic" for normal women. I hate to break it to you, but that model is a normal woman too - it is just that her normal is not the average normal. Who the fuck is body-shaming now?
On a side note, my wife gets body-shamed because of her mother body too - by other women. My wife weighs about the same now as before pregnancy and a lot of women seem to not like that. If only they knew she doesn't go to the gym, nor watch what she eats either!
People are different.
But this is the thing - most have expectations on the way the world should be and excuses as to why it isn't that way for them, often blaming others for their conditions, whether it be physical, emotional, psychological or financial. Most likely, these things have some correlation between them, as they probably all require some level of control to manage well in order to find balance and contentment. Get one out of alignment and the other three might suffer to the point that they are spiraling out of control.
Then, we splurge.
We are are out of balance so we buy gadgets, or eat, or one-night-stand, or get a facelift, or buy a car we can't afford, drink too much... fill the void.
But perhaps if we truly were doing what we need, we wouldn't need to splurge at all, because we have our needs fulfilled or, we feel that we are on the path to fulfilment. If we feel we are heading in the right direction and we feel good about what we are doing to get there - why would we deviate and self-sabotage?
When people say, "I can't afford to invest" while they are spending their money on void filling activities, I know it isn't because they can't, it is because they don't want to. It is like the body craving quality nutrition, and forcing it to consume McDonald's daily instead - then we wonder why we feel like shit, look like shit and act like shit.
All of our life is consumable experience and because we are what we eat, when we feed our body experiences that don't satisfy us, all our body can do is react and look for what else is in the fridge. If the fridge is filled with junk-food, it will never be satisfied and will keep searching, getting more out of balance in other areas, creating more voids and disruption - and increased dissatisfaction.
I don't know if it is possible to truly be completely satisfied in this life, as I think it is likely it is part of our evolutionary code in order to keep us advancing and evolving, but I do think with a little reflection, we might be able to do a better job of meeting our needs, rather than substituting them with our misguided wants.
Go treat yourself.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Another thought provoking read. So much of what you pointed out was so true. For some people, satisfaction can never be achieved, they are looking in all the wrong places. One needs only to look inside themselves and ask “what makes my heart joyful “? The answer is not stuff, or chocolate, it’s to be loved and love unconditionally.
Exactly.
More precise.
It is hard for so many, as they believe they can have it all, even if the majority of what they want undermines what is actually important.
You are so right. What really is having it all? It certainly isn't the mansion on the hill or that brand new car, although we all do need transportation. But our focus of the meaning of life gets side tracked every time we see all the advertising that tries to convince us that buying all their crap will make us happy. It may for a minute, but true happiness comes from contentment, being happy with who we are, how we treat others and again the love you feel everyday when you look at your daughter.
Don't get me wrong, I too like nice things and comfortable home, but I at my age, good health is my payoff. The health and happiness of my children and grandchildren is what keeps me content and happy. You can't buy that. You just get blessed with it by the turn of fate.
Have a great week.
Oppositional defiance tendencies are good for something XD
and a healthy dose of cynicism and dislike of most things x_x
I think we can be both happy enough and happy to keep improving things.
Indeed. Fuck the authority!
I agree, but it means working toward something in a way that doesn't upset the applecart of other factors. Hard to do, especially if we have unhealthy relationships with what we are working toward, like money or human connection.
Perhaps if we were able to perfectly satisfy our needs with healthy choices, where we have the right nutrition, the right relationships, the right material goods, the right jobs and the right everything, perhaps we wouldn't slip, because we would in actual fact, have everything we need. But, these "perfect conditions2 are impossible, which means that we are always gong to be somewhat unsatisfied, so we either ignore our dissatisfaction, or do something about it.
Some real truths displayed here by you Taraz and I agree that perfect satisfaction in this world is impossible.
I have everything that I need, no debt and ads cannot elicit anything from me. I love my job and am as happy as can be in my married life. Sounds ideal, but there is always a want and I am dissatified.
My want is a simple one and I am trying to do my best to satisfy it.
I don't know how much time I have left to grace this earth with my presence, but before I depart, my sole want is not for myself, but to secure all the work that we have done and to continue it after my departure. So nothing less than ZAR 3 million will have an impact on the future of our work.
Impossible ? No, nothing is impossible and I am working on it. Slow going I know, but if I can beat this last challenge, then I will depart with a smile on my dial.
It is this that keeps you working though often to the benefit of others. It is good to be useful :)
A lot of people spend the last couple decades of their life, enjoying doing nothing - then wonder why they become irrelevant.
You seem to have a library of truths in your head mate.
Exactly right here and I will carry on working until either I can no more due to health reasons, or hopefully until the day that I depart this planet earth.
Doing nothing is a sure recipe for disaster methinks.
for some reason this topic made me think about a theory that our lives are just a simulation.
This I don't understand. I would only spend that much on something that I could use for months or years. Not on one night. I said this before but I used a duct tape to fix my previous headphones. And I used them until they were working at all. My mouse is also in similar condition but it is still working. So it is still good.
I don't know much about the ins and outs, but from an activity standpoint, it makes perfect sense to use this as a belief, as it means being able to act as one chooses in a game, which is generally to take a little more risk than in real life.
It is what they called "a good time"
I had never that kind of splurge/luxury life in my youth. Perhaps it is due to not having enough money, but I think it is mostly about my personality. I was in the mood "Be grateful for what you have".
Nevertheless, I don't agree with this phrase if you are not able to satisfy your needs. It is like "Be happy even if you are poor in this world, you will be rich in the heaven"
I believe that we have to struggle to reach our needs and know where to stop.
But make sure you pay your cut to the church to get you through those pearly gates...
Treating ourselves in right way is the major part of concern nowdays as we living in the society where evaluating ,performing , feedback are all monetised. People will give unnecessary advice to divert your physical presence to their profitable area. Only your wisdom and thinking will assist to rid off all the profit oriented proposal.
It is an attention economy, and everyone wants as much as they can get in order to sell what they have, whether helpful or not.
Sure , treat yourself, taraz.At the same time treat others also.Treating is a good way of building a nice relation with people you know and dont know.Part of what you just said about the media, society, culture and european lifestyle,it is very clear to just have a sight onto your life,
As like I can imagine the story you are telling.
Have a good bit of cup. 😎