This morning I had a conversation with my friend and afterwards I sat back and thought about how self aware I have become. With the kind of upbringing I had, there wasn't really any room for expression of individuality which I can say is typical in certain, if not most African homes.
A typical African home being one that the children are meant to go by every word or rule laid down by the parents. It's like an aristocratic system of government, the children being subjects. There isn't much of conversations, just orders. For some it's mild, for others, extreme.
Having to 'Yes Sir', 'Yes Ma'am' to almost everything had more of a negative effect on me if I say so myself. I lacked a sense of individuality which in essence affected other areas of my life and made me self-unaware to an extent.
What Is Self Awareness?
Self awareness is the ability to focus on your individuality or personality. It's truly knowing yourself, your motivation, persona and all that you stand for. It's very important to know who you are, what ticks you off? How do you see others? How do you think others see you? Being self aware lets you align and process your thoughts and emotions to match your values.
How To Be Self Aware
Self awareness can be classed as;
Internal self awareness and;
External self awareness
Internal being how you view yourself and external, how you think others view you. So before anyone else has an opinion of you, you should first have an opinion of yourself.
Here are ways you can be self aware
Objectively looking at yourself
You have to come out of yourself and actually look at yourself. Drop all defensiveness and bias and assess your being. Who are you? What is it you do wrong? Are you a good person? Does your attitude affect others negatively or positively? Are you passive aggressive or confrontational? Do you make good decisions?
Self reflection
To be aware of oneself is a continuous process which is why you have to sit back and reflect on yourself. It might be about your day, a confrontation with a parent, your dealings with a stranger, whatever. You should be able to have these conversations with yourself and figure out how to be better.
It's very easy to slip into a state of self loathing and beat yourself up about a situation during these reflections. You might end up second guessing yourself but that's not the aim of reflections. The goal is to pinpoint the problems and figure out how to be better and do better.
Seek the opinion of others
As much as we think good or bad of ourselves, there are people close to us that might even know us better. These people see you in ways you don't see yourself and can have very valid opinions. It might not be what you'd like to hear but there's usually an element of truth in their honest opinions. You even would find out how highly they think of you in situations where you might have doubted yourself. It helps to seek their opinions as it can help put things in perspective and shape you into a better version of yourself.
Being self aware has made me break out of the limitations deep seethed in my mind and see myself as a whole person not subject to another. I have come to realize my flaws and actively work on them. I had shitty behaviors like giving the silent treatment or being passive aggressive when I'm mad and self reflecting has helped put me in check. I value myself more thanks to self reflections and genuine opinions of close friends and my sibling. I'm not at my best but that's why self awareness is a journey.
Thanks for reading
With all these points considered, I'd also like to add that there has to be some form of internal flexibility that allows you cope with the changes along the way. It is like a continuous learning process where you're the student and teacher at the same time.
Sure, there has to be room for all the changes that will happen