Chapter 09 – Empathize with an enemy?

in Practical Empathy3 years ago (edited)

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“Why would I want to empathize with someone I consider to be an enemy, competitor, or politician?”

Remember: Empathy is not agreement. So you risk no loss of integrity by practicing empathy with someone you disagree with. To empathize, you are merely removing your filters and opinions for a moment to have a more pure understanding of their perspective.

It can take valuable time and energy to be empathetic towards one whom we perceive has wronged us or may do so. Why waste this precious energy seeking to understand what they experience, feel, or want?

Here are some ideas as to how empathizing with “enemies” can be useful:

Strengthen your empathy muscles. When we practice giving empathy, especially when it is difficult, we strengthen our "empathy muscles", making it easier, more automatic, and more natural next time. Eventually, giving empathy will actually charge our batteries.

Gain an advantage. Have you heard the term, "Know thy enemy"? Surely, you gain some advantage by understanding another person's perspective, whether they are enemy, competitor, or friend. And bonus, by understanding one more person, you increase your understanding of humans in general. You can only benefit from this.

Improved well-being. Carrying anger or resentment is no fun and affects our well-being. When we choose to give empathy, we are choosing to walk away feeling lighter and more healthy. Many believe anger and resentment carried too long can be a cause of cancer and other diseases.

Practical Probabilities. The popular cliche comes to mind “Burnt bridges serve no one. [modified]” If there is a chance of repairing or strengthening the relationship, empathy increases the likelihood of this happening. We never know when we might meet a person again. They may be a future client, lover, or friend.

If you walk into an interview and you realize you have met the hiring manager before, would you rather the experience had been positive or negative? Imagine them thinking, “I remember this guy! I gave him a hard time for having 15 items in the 10 item lane and he empathized with me instead of being defensive! I want him in my department!”

Conscience/Karma. If you care about the idea that your "enemy" moves on to affect others who affect still others who might some day affect you: Our authentic smile or words of acceptance may not change a person's life but it might reduce strife and add to the empathy they received from someone else and make a difference in decisions later made.

What if we all have an internal unconscious tally we keep of all that we have done “for” and “against” what we consider the betterment of the lives of others? If so, does it make sense to you that if this tally is in the positive, you tend to choose paths that bring you more of what you want in life, while if that tally is in the negative, you tend to make “bad” choices in order to “punish” yourself?

Be an example. The children around you benefit because they observe and model your behavior. If you are a parent, teacher, or around children for any reason, know this: They see how you treat others and the younger they are, the more impact this has on them and how they will grow up to be.

And it isn’t just about children. It’s about all humans you come into contact with. I’m using children here as an example because it’s commonly understood that children tend to absorb more of what they perceive.

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