“Antaba mo na. Kailangan mo na magdiet kundi, hindi ka magkakajowa.” (You are fat. You need to go on a diet or you won't get a partner.)
Body-shaming is a form of helping someone to be healthy.
“An-itim mo na. Mag gluta ka kaya para mas gaganda ka at para makapag bikini ka.” (You are black. You need to take glutathione so that you can wear a bikini.)
Automatically, you’re labeled pretty, rich, and seen as highly royal if you are fair-skinned and very smooth.
“Kailan ka magkagirlfriend? Antanda mo na. Tatanda kang dalaga. Walang mag aalaga saýo.” (When are you going to have a girlfriend? Remember that. You will be an old maid. No one will take care of you.)
Is that even the main goal in life? To have a family and have someone take care of you. You can’t expect us to need to have kids or get married at a certain age.
“Ay bayot na kay wa pa nagminyo.” or “Ay dancer? Bayot na.” or “Wag kang mag tomboy, sayang ka.” (He is gay because he is not married; He is gay because he is a dancer; or What a waste! She is lesbian.)
We’re living in a contemporary world. Haven’t we had enough? An individual has his or her characteristics and personality that have nothing to do with gender.
I am so done hearing these phrases over and over until now. I hate stereotypes. I shudder at the fact that people think I should act a certain way because of my gender, religion, status, or race. I dislike that people think I should play basketball because I am a man. I hate that people think I should be a priest because of my caring personality. I hate people think we should give up on our dream of becoming who we wanted to be because of social stereotypes in the profession we want. I despise stereotyping. People are creating a concept of me based on what they see, but not on who I am. It just puts labels on how a person should act or live according to their sex, culture, personality, and other facts.
When will everyone understand that each person will always be more than what you think they are. We are born different, each with our beauty. One can be the loudest person in the room and still belong to a conservative and quiet race. One can be a k-pop stan other than what one thinks, and yet he or she remains proud of the country he or she has been born in. Indeed, a person is worth more than the stereotype. However, we need to break the chains that shackle us to an image we do not uphold means getting to know the “individuality” of the person. Thus, it includes understanding being human regardless of the country he or she is in, the color of his or her skin, the accents he or she speaks, or even the norms he or she believes in.
“Did I say something that bothered you?” We don’t often hear questions like this at Filipino parties. Don’t get me wrong. I love more than family gatherings full of loved ones and delicious food. But subtle judgment, comparisons, and domestic trauma over the years can turn these spaces that are meant to nurture us into places that form deep insecurities, depression, and anxiety. At their worst, these issues can lead to self-harm, drug use, or even suicide.
Starting this topic can be difficult, and this is no way of saying that all of our aunts and uncles are problematic people. But this is an issue that has become more pervasive in our culture. Filipinos put a big weight on being positive. They would be like “just be positive”, “stop being sad”, or “forget about it and move on”. The “Be Positive” behavior for me is kind of toxic to mental health because it is like restricting and not allowing yourself to be sad. We need to release all our sadness. It is so important because we need to feel sad before we can move forward. They do have good intentions but are not executed right.
They don’t acknowledge that depression is real. It is often swept under the rug. Many have already died of suicide, and many elderly Filipino wouldn’t accept the fact that it was due to depression or such, but because they had a defect or they were lacking faith. Automatically, they would say that you are getting distant from God. You need to pray more, or say that mental health can be healed when u pray, do the novena, read the bible, etc. At the surface level, before these extremes take place, we're often told not to think about it, or to pray until it goes away. These dismissive remarks indicate a much larger issue within our community. The stigma around mental health and mental illness. My dopamine levels can’t handle this ideocracy. It is time to call it out and call each other in.
In general, I don’t like that certain trait of Filipinos where they’re very negative. Whether they receive good news or bad news, they still view it negatively. Even in a certain situation where there isn’t really anything bad or negative, they would nitpick and point out something negative. They just always have bad comments. Shouldn’t they be happy for whatever the accomplishment is and not be envious? Just like crab mentality where Filipinos think they have to outweigh and each other as if they’re in a competition and bring other people down. Everyone wants to see you fail but when you finally make it, they’re all there to congratulate you.
Take pageantry for instance. Let’s say our Filipino representative makes a small mistake or slips up, they would be like “ambobo” (so dumb). It same goes with our national athletes. They will speak ill and criticize the heck out of you. It is because they love pointing out flaws. They would always remember our mistakes more than when we get something right. And even when you're succeeding or achieving something, they will find a massive fault in you to prove that you are still not worth it. These people, not in general, tend to look for an error and broadcast it to the world but never think of the good deeds they have done before that one mistake. I called it the "Chismis mentality".
In Filipino culture, it’s “necessary”, especially for elder people to have something to say about whatever you do. For example, we have a college program or degree that we really like, but they would say, “oh don’t pursue that degree. There’s no money in that course. You won’t become successful with that degree.” They will immediately judge that we would waste our money on that. They would advise saving for other things. These traits should be eliminated from our culture.
Colorism, racism, colonial-mentality, and body shaming are still very prominent. Up until now, we still have an obsession with being light-skinned. Instantly, when we see someone that has fair skin, we would call them a foreigner. The sad truth of it all is that, in the Philippines, having dark skin equates to being dirty, ugly, and poor. It's the reason why people don't leave their house without umbrellas even when it's not raining. It’s the reason why they wear full-length pants and long sleeve shirts in 110-degree weather. This colonial ideal of anti-brownness has never left the people of the Philippines. And soon enough, Filipinos began to try to fit into this white beauty standard of fair skin that was being imposed upon them.
Boys even tease flat chested girls like you're not a woman when you don't have boobs. I never thought of my flat chest as flaws and that it would affect my dating life, but Pinoys love bringing it up. Degrading jokes. So toxic. Just to make the whole room laugh, they sacrifice someone's insecurities. The most common one is grammar or knowledge. Especially with this freakshow of reading comprehension battle. They laugh at you and make fun when you don't know a certain fact.
Lastly, smart-shaming. There is a negative connotation about people who do their best obviously. As if you’re not allowed to show that you’re doing your best unsubtly. They will call you “a show-off” or “know-it-all” if you are trying to excel. Like you should be doing things at a bare minimum. You’re only doing your best, you’re only expressing your point, and you’re only achieving your goals. But these toxic people would be like “edi wow” or “pabibo mo naman” or “sige ikaw na magaling(matalino)” (Okay, you are the best.) When in fact, we just want to be better at something. But because of this toxic trait, deters us from wanting to flourish.
This type of Filipino culture should be canceled. Stop the stigma. But how? Well, there are still so many things I don’t know about everything, but what I do know is that it’s hard to admit that you might be part of the problem or maybe even I am part of the problem or all of us. So instead of giving a step-by-step guide on how to cancel this toxic culture, I will let you decide what to do. All I can do is share this fucking shitty culture.
Featuring the arts of Anne Castro as she illustrate the different stereotypical comments. | Illustrations: Anne Castro
In Filipino Language
"Mataba ka. Kailangan mong mag-diet o hindi ka makakahanap ng jowa.
Ang body-shaming ay isang uri ng pagtulong sa isang tao na maging malusog.
"Ikaw ay itim. Kailangan mong kumuha ng glutathione upang makapagsuot ka ng bikini."
Awtomatiko, ikaw ay may label na maganda, mayaman, at nakikita bilang lubos na maharlika kung ikaw ay makinis ang balat at napaka-makinis.
“Kailan ka magkakaroon ng kasintahan? Alalahanin iyan. Magiging matandang dalaga ka. Walang mag-aalaga sa iyo."
Iyon pa ba ang pangunahing layunin sa buhay? Upang magkaroon ng isang pamilya at may mag-ingat sa iyo. Hindi mo maaasahan na kami ay kailangang magkaroon ng mga anak o magpakasal sa isang tiyak na edad.
"Siya ay bakla dahil hindi siya kasal; Siya ay bakla dahil siya ay isang mananayaw; o Sayang! Siya ay tomboy."
Nakatira kami sa isang napapanahong mundo. Hindi pa ba tayo nagkaroon ng sapat? Ang isang indibidwal ay may kanyang mga katangian at personalidad na walang kinalaman sa kasarian.
Tapos na akong marinig ang mga pariralang ito nang paulit-ulit hanggang ngayon. Ayoko sa mga stereotype. Kinikilig ako sa katotohanang iniisip ng mga tao na dapat akong kumilos sa isang tiyak na paraan dahil sa aking kasarian, relihiyon, katayuan, o lahi. Ayoko na isipin ng mga tao na dapat akong maglaro ng basketball dahil lalaki ako. Galit ako na isipin ng mga tao na dapat ako maging pari dahil sa aking malasakit na pagkatao. Galit ako sa mga tao naisip na dapat tayong sumuko sa ating pangarap na maging sino ang nais nating maging dahil sa mga panlipunang stereotype sa propesyon na gusto natin. Kinamumuhian ko ang stereotyping. Lumilikha ang mga tao ng isang konsepto sa akin batay sa nakikita nila, ngunit hindi sa kung sino ako. Naglalagay lamang ito ng mga label sa kung paano dapat kumilos o mamuhay ang isang tao ayon sa kanilang kasarian, kultura, pagkatao, at iba pang mga katotohanan.
Kailan mauunawaan ng lahat na ang bawat tao ay palaging magiging higit sa kung ano sa tingin mo. Iba't iba ang ipinanganak sa atin, bawat isa ay may kagandahan. Ang isa ay maaaring ang pinakamalakas na tao sa silid at kabilang pa rin sa isang konserbatibo at tahimik na karera. Ang isa ay maaaring maging isang k-pop stan maliban sa iniisip ng isang tao, at nananatiling ipinagmamalaki niya ang bansang kanyang ipinanganak. Sa katunayan, ang isang tao ay higit na nagkakahalaga kaysa sa stereotype. Gayunpaman, kailangan naming putulin ang mga tanikala na nakakagapos sa amin sa isang imaheng hindi natin sinusuportahan ay nangangahulugang kilalanin ang "sariling katangian" ng tao. Sa gayon, kasama dito ang pag-unawa sa pagiging tao anuman ang bansa na kinaroroonan niya, ang kulay ng kanyang balat, ang mga accent na sinasalita niya, o kahit ang mga pamantayan na pinaniniwalaan niya.
"May sinabi ba ako na nakakaabala sa iyo?" Hindi tayo madalas makarinig ng mga katanungang tulad nito sa mga partido ng Pilipino. Huwag kang magkamali. Mas gusto ko kaysa sa mga pagtitipon ng pamilya na puno ng mga mahal sa buhay at masarap na pagkain. Ngunit ang banayad na paghatol, paghahambing, at domestic trauma sa mga nakaraang taon ay maaaring buksan ang mga puwang na ito na inilaan upang alagaan tayo sa mga lugar na bumubuo ng malalim na kawalan ng katiyakan, pagkalumbay, at pagkabalisa. Sa pinakamalala, ang mga isyung ito ay maaaring humantong sa pinsala sa sarili, paggamit ng droga, o kahit na pagpapakamatay.
Ang pagsisimula ng paksang ito ay maaaring maging mahirap, at hindi ito paraan ng pagsasabi na lahat ng aming mga tiyahin at tiyuhin ay mga taong may problemang. Ngunit ito ay isang isyu na naging mas laganap sa ating kultura. Ang biglang bigat ng bigat ng mga Pilipino sa pagiging positibo. Gusto nilang maging "positibo lang", "huminto sa pagiging malungkot", o "kalimutan ito at magpatuloy". Ang pag-uugali na "Maging Positibo" para sa akin ay uri ng nakakalason sa kalusugan ng isip sapagkat ito ay tulad ng paghihigpit at hindi pinapayagan ang iyong sarili na maging malungkot. Kailangan nating palabasin ang lahat ng ating kalungkutan. Napakahalaga sapagkat kailangan nating malungkot bago tayo sumulong. Mayroon silang mabuting hangarin ngunit hindi naisakatuparan nang tama.
Hindi nila kinikilala na ang depression ay totoo. Ito ay madalas na walis sa ilalim ng basahan. Marami na ang namatay sa pagpapakamatay, at maraming matandang Pilipino ang hindi tatanggapin ang katotohanan na ito ay sanhi ng pagkalumbay o iba pa, ngunit dahil mayroon silang depekto o sila ay nawalan ng pananampalataya. Awtomatiko, sasabihin nila na lumalayo ka sa Diyos. Kailangan mong manalangin nang higit pa, o sabihin na ang kalusugan ng pag-iisip ay maaaring pagalingin kapag ikaw ay nagdarasal, gawin ang nobena, basahin ang bibliya, atbp. Sa antas ng ibabaw, bago maganap ang mga labis na ito, madalas na hindi tayo mag-isip tungkol dito o manalangin hanggang sa mawala ito. Ang mga nagpapabayaang pahayag na ito ay nagpapahiwatig ng isang mas malaking isyu sa loob ng aming komunidad. Ang mantsa sa paligid ng kalusugan ng isip at sakit sa pag-iisip. Hindi mahawakan ng aking mga antas ng dopamine ang ideokrasya na ito. Panahon na upang tawagan ito at tawagan ang bawat isa.
Sa pangkalahatan, hindi ko gusto ang tiyak na katangian ng mga Pilipino kung saan napaka-negatibo nila. Tumatanggap man sila ng mabuting balita o masamang balita, negatibo pa rin ang pagtingin nila rito. Kahit na sa isang tiyak na sitwasyon kung saan wala talagang anumang masama o negatibo, pipiliin nila at ituturo ang isang negatibong bagay. Palagi lang silang may masamang komento. Hindi ba dapat sila maging masaya para sa kung ano man ang nagawa at hindi mainggit? Tulad na lamang ng mentalidad ng alimango kung saan iniisip ng mga Pilipino na dapat silang higit kaysa sa bawat isa na para bang nasa isang kumpetisyon at ibagsak ang ibang tao. Ang bawat tao'y nais na makita kang mabigo ngunit kapag sa wakas ay nakagawa ka na, nandiyan silang lahat upang batiin ka.
Tignan natin yung pageantry. Sabihin nating ang ating kinatawan sa Filipino ay nagkagawa ng isang maliit na pagkakamali o nadulas, magiging katulad sila ng "ambobo" (napakabobo). Ganoon din ang nangyayari sa ating mga pambansang atleta. Magsasalita sila ng masama at pintasan ang ano mo. Ito ay dahil gusto nila ang pagturo ng mga bahid. Lagi nilang tatandaan ang aming mga pagkakamali kaysa sa kapag may nakuha tayong tama. At kahit na nagtagumpay ka o nakakamit ng isang bagay, mahahanap nila ang isang malaking kasalanan sa iyo upang patunayan na hindi ka pa rin sulit. Ang mga taong ito, hindi sa pangkalahatan, ay may posibilidad na maghanap ng isang error at mai-broadcast ito sa mundo ngunit hindi kailanman iniisip ang mga mabuting gawa na nagawa nila bago ang isang pagkakamaling iyon. Tinawag ko itong "mentalidad ng Chismis".
Sa kulturang Pilipino, "kinakailangan", lalo na para sa mga matatandang may sasabihin tungkol sa anumang gagawin mo. Halimbawa, mayroon kaming programa sa kolehiyo o degree na talagang gusto namin, ngunit sasabihin nila, "oh huwag mong ituloy ang degree na iyon. Walang pera sa kursong iyon. Hindi ka magiging matagumpay sa degree na iyon. " Hahatulan agad nila na masasayang lang ang aming pera doon. Papayuhan nila ang pagtipid para sa iba pang mga bagay. Ang mga ugaling ito ay dapat na alisin sa ating kultura.
Kilalang-kilala pa rin ang colorism, racism, colonial-mentality, at body shaming. Hanggang ngayon, mayroon pa rin kaming pagkahumaling sa gaanong balat. Kaagad, kapag nakakita kami ng isang tao na may patas na balat, tatawagin natin silang dayuhan. Ang malungkot na katotohanan sa lahat ay, sa Pilipinas, ang pagkakaroon ng maitim na balat ay katumbas ng marumi, pangit, at mahirap. Ito ang dahilan kung bakit hindi iniiwan ng mga tao ang kanilang bahay nang walang mga payong kahit hindi umuulan. Ito ang dahilan kung bakit nagsusuot sila ng buong pantalon at mahabang manggas na shirt sa 110-degree na panahon. Ang kolonyal na ideal na ito ng anti-brownness ay hindi kailanman umalis sa mga mamamayan ng Pilipinas. At sa lalong madaling panahon, nagsimulang subukan ng mga Pilipino na magkasya sa puting pamantayang pampaganda ng patas na balat na ipinataw sa kanila.
Inaasar pa ng mga lalaki ang mga batang babae na may dibdib na parang hindi ka babae kapag wala kang mga boobs. Hindi ko inisip ang aking patag na dibdib bilang mga bahid at maaapektuhan nito ang aking buhay sa pakikipag-date, ngunit gustung-gusto itong ibigay ng Pinoys. Nakakasira na mga biro. Nakakalason. Para lang mapagpatawa ang buong silid, nagsasakripisyo sila ng mga insecurities ng isang tao. Ang pinakakaraniwan ay ang grammar o kaalaman. Lalo na sa freakshow na ito ng pagbabasa ng pag-unawa sa pag-unawa. Pinagtatawanan ka nila at pinagtatawanan kapag hindi mo alam ang isang tiyak na katotohanan.
Panghuli, matalino. Mayroong isang negatibong konotasyon tungkol sa mga tao na ginagawa ang kanilang makakaya nang malinaw. Tulad ng kung hindi ka pinapayagan na ipakita na ginagawa mo ang iyong pinakamahusay na unsubtly. Tatawagan ka nila na "isang show-off" o "know-it-all" kung sinusubukan mong mag-excel. Tulad ng dapat mong gawin ng mga bagay sa isang pinakamaliit na minimum. Ginagawa mo lang ang iyong makakaya, ipinapahayag mo lamang ang iyong punto, at nakakamit mo lang ang iyong mga layunin. Ngunit ang mga taong nakakalason ay magiging tulad ng "edi wow" o "pabibo mo naman" o "sige ikaw na magaling (matalino)" (Okay, you are the best.) When in fact, we just want to be better at something. Ngunit dahil sa nakakalason na katangiang ito, pinipigilan tayo ng pag-unlad.
Ang ganitong uri ng kulturang Pilipino ay dapat na kanselahin. Itigil ang mantsa. Pero paano? Sa gayon, marami pa ring mga bagay na hindi ko alam tungkol sa lahat, ngunit ang alam ko ay mahirap aminin na maaaring ikaw ay bahagi ng problema o baka pati ako ay bahagi ng problema o lahat sa atin. Kaya sa halip na magbigay ng isang sunud-sunod na gabay sa kung paano kanselahin ang nakakalason na kultura, papayagan ka kong magpasya kung ano ang gagawin. Ang magagawa ko lang ay ibahagi ang kulturang ito na nakakatawa.
Nagtatampok ng mga sining ni Anne Castro habang inilalarawan niya ang iba't ibang mga stereotypical na komento.
Mga guhit: Anne Castro
legit as fck !
Dear @juecoree , Is that Tagalog?
Even in East Asia, there is an increasing tendency to judge people based on their appearance.
The number of people undergoing plastic surgery is on the rise. 😅
https://utsynergyjournal.org/2020/10/07/plastics-past-the-complex-historical-and-cultural-influences-underlying-south-koreas-plastic-surgery-phenomenon/
Yes, it is tagalog. I think people judging and stigmatizing based on appearance and color is shared across different races and culture.
Thumbs up for this post. Criticism is everywhere and anytime . Let's include here also the status in life. I can remember before when I was small, I was with my friend . Her mother grabbed her away from me and said " Don't you dare make friends with people who came from a poor family ". I took it a challenge to myself that no matter how poor we are, as long as our intentions are good then it's not a big deal.
I experienced it before. I didn't put it to my heart and be worry about it. As you have said, criticism is everywhere and anytime. As long as they don't hurt me physically or become emotionally abusive, I don't care. I think we should be unaffected by this comments. We knew ourselves better.
I couldn't agree more. Thank you for sharing your experience.