But I promised myself that would be the last northern hemisphere winter in my life.
Which brings me to the second part of this saga.
I have been dealing with the dying of my self in many aspects over the past months..
Losing ‘Friends’, not wanting to participate in their world anymore. The Old World.
I want to create a new reality for myself. Participate in the possibility of something much more meaningful than the circus we are all watching right now.
I got so bothered by the ‘priorities’ of some people that I had affection for, it just felt so boring to hear them complain about this situation and then continue to be a data whore and perpetuate a state of serfdom in general.
The complacency, the vegetative state everyone seems to be in, chained to the very same thing they still choose to uphold a ‘contract’ with.
It just didn’t match anymore. Nothing around me made sense anymore.
It was so delusional!!!!
Photo by me with one of my fashion creations in an abandoned Cathedral in Detroit
Understanding that I just give in and participate in the energetic calling of all those horrendities by just continuing to play their game and split myself.
Feeling so wrong in all my movements, all that I’m saying, all that I’m putting my focus on, it just feels so off!
I realized I have sold myself so low in the attention that I crown people with.
Some I called friends were just feeding their shadows by proxy in passing their spare time with me.
For others I feel I was just an entertaining outlandish monkey that spiced up their lame routine.
For many I realized we were to some extent embodying opposite values that it nearly became a cognitive dissonance.
The priorities are not the same anymore.
With @ravenking13 we had many discussions about the subject of Friendship as Adults and we found that there is no real closure or acknowledgement of transitions in general. We don’t perform rites of passages in friendships/relationships, we don’t celebrate the ‘end’ of a friendship with a heartfelt ‘Lebe wohl.’
There’s something we missed here..
We also reminisced about how many friendships we see around us are very much alike those in (high) school. The drama, the expectations, the ‘fucking around’ figuratively and literally.
For some reason it feels like people just are friends and then just see what happens, they kind of just go along, with no real purpose, just hanging out, doing the same things we’ve always been doing; mostly nothing. Those sort of "life friendships" are glorified through sitcoms like Friends, How I met your mother etc...
I feel like we have lost a big space of the 'creating together' to the 'consuming together'. Exploring things together; especially building, cooperating, experimenting, growing something.. basically there is not really this ‘Tribe’ aspect to be found anywhere around me anymore.
We felt that, as Adults, the relationships and friendships we would like to nurture and cherish are individuals who we are on the same direction with.
It feels natural to me, to start thinking about how I’d like to live my life, not just as a family, but also as a community. And that’s where now I feel the word friend has more context.
When we were children, ‘forced’ to live at home with our parents, we were so excited to grow up so that we can live with our friends!
And some of us did, in university, or even after, living in a flatshare-situation, and all the while, we kind of kept it at dorm life standards, instead of understanding the real freedom in that. Building together, creating a common future, with a common goal.
Especially in our thirties, we see the ‘friends’ being all wrapped up in their subscription-life, especially here in Luxusland, where by that age, most have a minimum 300k loan for the next 20-30 years and have their 9to5 and eventually some children in the mix too, so their priorities are all set. They want to live in the Old World. They are shackled to their hostage apartment for the next 3 decades and their job makes them enough contempt to not want more magic for themselves or their children even. It’s basically the start of the chapter where I get the impression most Adults just go along and ‘endure’ life how it comes now.
It’s been some years already where I forked away from that squire lifestyle and those corporate crowds, but even the artists and entrepreneurs here have that compromise lifestyle, or they are stuck in the Peter Pan wheel, but I could not see anything in-between.
the Type of 'Old Friends' depictions I keep seeing around me. Adults having their modern adult life and adult problems working all separately for something boring to come together on a weekend 'celebrating the success' on the wheel and then go back home to their annoyances...? Isn't there more than that?
And I understood; this is what I’d want if I want to have ‘friends’: Friends should be companions, not NPC's we have senseless and directionless conversations with. Friends shall be next door and up for it when I feel like creating, ameliorating or adding to our living conditions, so that we can fuse our powerful energies on it together.
I don’t want no friends that are not interested in LIVING in the New World.
Create with me. Infuse with me. Pray with me. Construct with me. Dream with me.
I love everyone and I wish the best for everyone but I have to be honest with myself that I am at a phase in my life where I feel the calling to create something beautifully authentic and for that am choosing to give my attention and awareness to who’s inspiring me in that; and that I want to do it consciously and sacredly.
I desire to nurture friendship with individuals that have the same values of Sovereignty, Magic, Sacredness, Self-Sufficiency, Ecology, Autocracy, Love, Peace, Respect, (=Divinity) and Alchemy.
I desire to not only pass time with those individuals I call friends, and just talk about our days and our fantasies, but even more so lay out our perspectives together for our future; envision the ways we could live in a community, create and build in and as a community. How we would make the world together?
Our world.
Remember when we were small and were convinced that one day we’ll FINALLY have the power to choose who we’d like to live with and what kind of world we’d like to live in?
Well that moment is right now. Adulthood. Free choices. Sovereignty. Starting from ‘scratch’. Having the skills & resources to build anything.
Come on, all the rules, the bureaucracy, the administration, the infrastructures, the contracts are just illusionary boundaries.
It’s shackles we choose to ignore the key for.
It’s the same rules they terrorized us with in high school.
And look high school is over and we don’t remember shit, and anyways most of it was FALSE information and Fake News, and all these threats don’t matter today anyways.
We can do anything we set ourselves out to.
We are sovereign. We don’t owe shit.
We owe ourselves long lost dignity.
Thanks for reading me today!
I haven't had the headspace to be on Hive for the past month, many things are moving through me and I'm processing through it.
It's all divine, it's all perfectly unfolding.
Now my energy for the most part is poured in walking through it & living the emotions.
This Post was one facet of all the paradigms that are being shattered inside of me as we speak & I thought I'd share..
What are your views on 'Friendship'? I'm curious to hear how you navigate the 'concept' of Friendship in Adulthood?
May you slay with Love,
Kali
I needed this, you verbalized here many of my feelings. Thank you!
Hey! Thanks for reading! Wish you a great transformation :)
Many will not fully appreciate your sort of long write-up, but I took the time and I am glad I did. What you are currently going through feels more like the death of a phoenix, it doesn't die and stay dead but it dies to get out of old burn to ashes and out of the ashes rises again, new, energized, and invigorated to start from a scratch in the new world.
I started going through this immediately after I joined university, I was never the inner person but rather an outsider and after many interactions with the said friends I was always left wondering whether that's all there is to life. I couldn't help but feel like there was something more, something subtle that many were ignorant about. I tried having deep conversations, questioning the meaning of everything we were doing, no one was willing to muse over such difficult topics and I slowly made the decision that I was better of alone rather than be with a group of people who I don't know consciously or unconsciously choose to just lead normal and despondent lives, or are too lost in dogmatic cultural and religious beliefs that their eyes are open but they can't really see.
And you know what the funny thing is, immediately your said friends feel like you are drifting away they will try to bring you back, not because they see your struggle but just because they are too afraid to be alone. But don't give up your desire to realize what more this life has to offer, don't let anyone turn you away from the path you want to chart for your life. After all, we are all free to make our own unique paths it is just many choose to abdicate that responsibility to others and choose to follow rather than to lead. Failing to lead your own life as you perceive fit will only result in a never-ending feeling of resentment and guilt towards yourself for knowing better but never taking action.
Many great philosophers and thinkers have done what you are planning to do, check out their works for insights when the going gets tough.
I am still at it, I am yet to finish college but I feel great at where I currently am, I am not yet free of those fake friends but I am at a better place than when I was starting out. I can now focus on my dreams more, have the confidence to say no and basically am just okay being alone because that essentially is the only way to fully get in touch with your lost inner self.
Take your time, I look forward to reading more of your journey through it all. It sure feels great meeting someone who understands what it really feels.
Cheers.
Hey @my-musings ! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and write such a long comment! I appreciate it! :)
I am still in the midst of it. currently exploring silence & finding great lessons in that.
Thanks for reading & peace to you :)
Hello @kaliphae! I too appreciate your reward. It feels great meeting people on the platform who have that sense of depth and can comprehend what some of us are going through. It makes the journey less lonely.
Take your time, discover whatever lessons your collective unconscious has to teach you. I love silence. For when we are silent and listening do we get to hear so much more, we get to learn and we get to introspect and see where we really are in our lives.
Cheers!
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