Asides the biological need for sex and procreation, there are other various reasons why people decide to be together--in a union. Some other basic/primitive needs are security and ownership. L ike sex and procreation, security and ownership are linked in the sense that you can, to a large extent, protect what you own--it's within your right.
As we can see in today's world matters pertaining to security are linked to control. People/government want the ability to control, in other to protect the things they love--their loved ones, state, money, etc. And we can see, that to a large extent, people hate control. People want to be free to express their individuality even if it's merely just an illusion. So how do we reconcile all these elements--love security and control.
THE NEED TO CONTROL WHAT YOU LOVE
Many people fall in love and feel the need to protect and control the person they love. This isn't something I have felt as an individual because, and maybe you might consider this naive, but I have a thing about trusting people, especially the ones I love until they give me reasons to doubt them. For some people the need to control stems from a place of fear and insecurity. Might be as a result of events in the past--we are all products of ours experiences, and the thing about reconciling the past and the present is that they are not the same. History can repeat itself but not in the same way.
So we've established that person's need to control stems from fear. Now, the tricky thing happens to be that people aren't inanimate objects or properties without voices or opinions and the only way to control a person who wants to exercise his or her free will is through cohesion or manipulation. Well, manipulation could work because it's not direct but coercing someone you love to do your biddings most often than not will be resisted except there is a fear factor i.e you can inflict punishment or deny them of something they want. Now I believe if you're reading this, you are sane enough to want someone to love and respect you out of their own free will so you won't be exploring any of the methods discussed earlier.
So what's the point of being in love really if you cannot control all the element? Well, first of all you should understand that this said person you're talking about had a life before you came into the picture--the same with you and functioned adequately so whatever you think you are to them is really subjective because in all honesty you very much dispensable and I know that's not something we want to hear. When you fall in love you deem your entire essence is tied to another human being which isn't the case. It is a choice. A choice to love, trust, and build together.
Yesterday I was in the comfort of my bedroom listening to some love songs and thinking about my girlfriend. Apparently this whole isolation things is weighing alot on me. At some point I thought to myself:
What if this ends in tears
This isn't the first time I am excited about someone. But here is the thing, I am not in total control of this situation. Yes, I have to play my part as her boyfriend, so does she and the universe. So how about I just enjoy this moment and not worry about something I am never going to control.
Love in essence is a form of voluntarism where you freely give yourself to someone or something irrespective of the outcome because it could go anyway. People fall in love today and are enemies tomorrow. Things like this happen regularly not because people plan them to be that way. When you begin to understand that there is so much happening in the universe that are beyond your control you begin to appreciate more and let things worry you less. Yes you're going to get angry; yes you're going to get disappointed but these events will have little or no impression on your core essence--who you are.
The only true test of love is freedom.
The same goes for anything in life. When people come together willingly to achieve a goal it's almost impossible to stop them.
I have tried my best in this article to refrain from telling you what to do. I think you will arrive at that conclusion yourself.
Thanks for reading
©Nonsowrites
Very deep and detailed article. I really like the part about just enjoying being in Love and realize you cannot try to control the situation.
Thanks nonso for posting this piece
I appreciate your comment Robert. Thank you.