So my laptop died recently, luckily a friend was able to lend me hers for a while, whilst another friend helped me to purchase a refurbished one. Of course it came with windows, which I don’t like to use. So I found someone to install Linux on it for me. I’ve been using Linux mint the last 5 years so I wanted to stick with that. But alas the laptop does not seem to like my choice and I have been having issues ever since. It keeps freezing and then refusing to reboot.
So I contacted the person who installed it for me and they took it away to see what the problem was. This has happen twice now and in between that time I returned my friends laptop to her and I now find myself trying to create a post, on an old tablet with a cracked screen. On top of that, anytime I try and write the size of the screen shrinks so that I can hardly see what I am doing and then end up posting images in the wrong place. As you can imagine I have been getting very frustrated by it all.
I am also preparing the truck to move. There is quite a lot of storage inside that is free standing so I have spend the last few days attaching them to the walls and floor, as well as taking apart my outdoor bath space and living area. All of this on top of my day to day life of homeschooling and caring for my 3 girls. Which leaves very little time for me to do anything else including having time for myself.
Today as I struggled to attach one cupboard to the floor, that feeling of being overwhelmed came to an all time high.
It’s not easy being responsible for so much, to have so much rest on my shoulders. It doesn’t help that I also insist on doing so much by myself. Even though I know I could perhaps get some help, I am too much of a warrior and always push on through.
I also continue to live near an old farm where the owner keeps many dogs but doesn’t look after them and just leaves them to their own faith. I have been giving them extra food and even medicine at times, but as he refuses to neuter his dogs there are just more and more mouths to feed. This morning my daughter discovered one of the puppies had died. I feel so hopeless about this situation and don’t know what to do.
A new law was put in place recently, to protect pets, but not working dogs, which isn’t what these dogs would be viewed as. So there are no consequences for the people who treat their animals so cruelly.
Today, emotions have definitely been running high. It breaks my heart to think of those poor animals, being treated like that and also, that it is just readily accepted by so many. What a fucking cruel world we live in.
So yeah, I want to scream and shout. I want to run away from it all and just find a place where people are living far more in harmony with other beings. But then what, then I am just turning my back on those that need help.
Honestly on days like this, I really question where humanity is headed. But I can’t lose hope, of course I can’t. So, I take a deep breath and look around me, taking in all the beauty that is in my life and that surrounds me. Like these beautiful pieces of art, that my girls have created and are hung around our home and now shared here, throughout this post.
Finally able to ground myself and begin once again, to feel grateful that I am having this life experience, even if it hurts like hell sometimes.
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Check out the last post from @hivebuzz:
I feel you deeply.
When the world becomes overwhelming it's maybe time to rest and fill a soul a bit again.
Yes there is much to do and you have so much to carry.
Take rest, my darling. You're worth it and you need it to be your best you.
It's quite strange how life can sometimes force us to slow down and focus elsewhere as well at times.
Try and trust the process.
We will all still be here holding you in any way we can when you're back and replenished.
ps my internet has been impossible. Less online time and posting around here but I've just taken it as time to rest a bit because fighting it was becoming stressful.
As it is.
As it is ❤️
Listening, breathing and trying to be more gentle with myself, whilst always moving forwards. It's quite the balancing act, but it is alao empowering as well.
Thank you @nickydee for you words of support and encouragement, they mean a lot to me xxxxx
It's not at all easy going. What you're doing. Alone.
You may not feel it when you're tired but you are so powerful! 💥
Glad you're slowing down and taking rest.
p.s. my old laptop crashed again yesterday and it made me smile. Because I thought of you. Not because it crashed.
Got it back up and running eventually. But for a while I thought it was a gonner this time
This too shall pass. It's inevitable that it will.
Yesssss! Breathe ❤️
I love this kind of painting work. I think people reflect their inner world to the outside.
Yes my girls are talented indeed xxxx
I understand you… so very well.
Sorry to hear about your struggles. Do take care and think about you time. Even though you have so much on your shoulders. It is important to recharge and ground yourself, to not loose control.
As I can sense you are like me… want to do it all yourself.
Bigg hugg 🤗🤗
Yes I am very independent, but I am learning to allow others to help, but first I have to open myself up to it. Thank you @littlebee4 xxxx
Oohh I so know… it is hard. I’m still having difficulties with it. Opening up and letting others help. Bit by bit… 😉 it will come.
You are welcome 👋🏻😊 xxxx
Have a wonderful Thursday!
What a time for you. I feel your frustration and empathy for the dogs. I'll never get it either. But you have the tools to focus on what matters and hopefully that laptop will be more amenable and the move will go okay. Where are you moving? Sorry I missed it...
For now I move to a different place on the land for a while and then who knows, I do not know yet myself, which adds to the feeling of being overwhelmed. But today I feel a little more at peace. Being patient with what is happening in my life right now xxxxx
I feel your pain. When things decide to happen, they tend to do so all at once. Sending lots of well wishes and loving thoughts your way. It is difficult being in that place where you question humanity. But we cannot truly find and appreciate that blissful sense of harmony, unless we know what it feels like not to have it. The only consolation is perhaps knowing that you are on the right path. Even when it hurts, it means that you are doing something meaningful with your life.
So true, we have to experience pain in order to really appreciate love. Thank you @fitbee xxxx
It gets whacky at times, glad you're already getting away from the episode and back into gratefulness
Thank you @fenngen, whacky is a good word for it indeed. I am Going through the cycles of it all. I hope you are well xxxx
Certainly a tough patch! I know the pain of not having a laptop, I used a phone for 3 years to post everything lol it was tough times! These days I have a laptop but I’m hoping that it doesn’t crap the bed on me and force me back to my phone to post. It’s not easy haha.
I hear you on the situation with people! I too want to get out and move away and be near no one but at the same time I won’t be able to slowly and subtly influence and hopefully change people into being more of a free thinker and less dependent on government and other things. I’m hopeful that we have what it takes to try and right the world into something better. It’s difficult being alive at a time where things are so chaotic but it’s these times that we can find out who we are and what we are meant to do. Similar to the brave people who sacrificed their lives in the wars of the early 1900’s, I think we can fight for what’s good and be agents for positive change, as difficult as that is.
Keep your chin up!