Today was a great day, well until I got home. Let’s start with the best part. I went to the new coffee house, the woman came in and her arm was in a sling. Seems she hurt it playing tennis. We started talking while we were waiting on our coffees and I offered to help her mix her coffee, due to her injury. She was thrilled to accept my offer. I was thrilled too; because I did not have to come up with a sinister plan to get the drug into her coffee and risk getting caught. The police being called and my parents finding out is not part of my plan. That actually would cause me to go to the extreme plan; end my life and the package would be mailed. I made my coffee first and then I moved on to hers. I placed my coffee in front, to cover hers I had the smashed pills in my hand and dumped them in with the sugar. She didn’t even watch me. People trust strangers way too much; now wait.
The woman, Beth, offered me to sit with her and I said I couldn’t because I had school work to do. I went to a table across the coffee shop and watched her, trying not to look obvious about it. In about 15 minutes she started dropping her head and getting very tired. Then within 5 minutes after that she slammed her head on the table and was unconscious. Again the Manager called an ambulance and they arrived 6 minutes later. I was getting up to leave, my research was done. I had what I needed. However, I stopped when I realized they were doing CPR. What the hell; no it cannot kill her; it was just to put her to sleep. What happened to her? The paramedic said to his partner that she was dead.
DEAD! There is no fucking way she is dead. She was just supposed to sleep; until I can kill her; not die because she takes the pills. No, I have to do it, not the fucking pills. I ran out and kept running all the way home. When I got home, I was still upset, but thinking more clearly. I was really scared that I felt nothing for Beth. I wasn’t crying for her, I was crying that I got the dose wrong and I would have loss the option to kill Jane myself. This only made my understanding of what they had made me even clearer. I have no regard for anyone and I felt nothing over the death of Beth, just anger the results were not what I wanted. I cannot ever be fixed and I can never get the life I dreamed. I am broken and worth nothing.
When I got to my bedroom, I walked in to find Jane sitting on my bed. Bad part number two. I went from upset to frighten. She was twirling my doll that always lies on my bed. Her face was beet red and she was clearly upset. My first thought was that she found out about me and Cole. She knows I have been lying. She rose slowly off the bed and told me to close the door. I did and when I turned around she punched me in the face. She has never done that. I went down onto my soft, shag carpet and hit my head on the floor. My mind raced and I thought oh, God she knows I killed Beth. She is going to kill me. This is great, I was thrilled. I get to end this life, I get punished for Beth, and the package will save Charlie and expose my parents. I rolled over and smiled at her. I was so happy. She looked at me smiling and the anger wailed up in her and she sat on me and hit me over and over again. After about the 20th punch everything went black.
I didn’t even realize she was mad about work. She lost a big award; she lost it to a woman she hates. Jane has planned for years of how to torture and kill this woman and her family. That made me smile more than the thought of my death. I am guessing she beat me longer, after I passed out, because I had marks on my back, thighs, my arm was broke, I had hand print bruises around my neck. The shame of it all, she didn’t kill me. God, I hate her.