You know you've found a great friend when the conversation just flows

in #life3 years ago

I'm an extrovert and have been my entire life as far back as I can remember. This doesn't mean that I am not a bit uncomfortable in certain situations such as when I am new in a town though and this situation was something that I encountered a LOT growing up because my family moved a lot when I was a kid. Also, my first job after college was a traveling job which would result in me being in new cities every couple of weeks to a month and being introverted would have resulted in a great deal of loneliness if I wasn't willing to strike up conversation with strangers.

Some people are receptive to this and others are not so much. I'm not going to lie: There have been instances where my outgoing nature has nearly gotten me in trouble but mostly this was because I started to talk to a female in a new town being completely unaware that she was also at that same bar with a very insecure boyfriend. In all but a few of those situations though, I was able to fire up a conversation with the jealous boyfriend in a way that made him realize that I really meant no harm: One of those exact situations with jealous boyfriends resulted in me becoming really good friends with said guy and I still keep in touch with him to this day even though it has been nearly 20 years.

I meet a lot of people because my life is transient: Some are great people, some people I only talk to once and then avoid them in the future because they are cray-cray (there are a lot of those types in the expat communities around the world for some reason) and then there is another category of people that I can see immediately that we are going to get along swimmingly.


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Yesterday I went to go hang out with a guy that I met in a bar with his girlfriend when they both moved to Da Nang around 8 months ago. Currently, the city is in lockdown so we have to be at least somewhat careful about where anyone meets but for this meetup we simply sat at some cement tables that are located outside of his condo building. I don't know exactly what the "rules" are right now during lockdown, but it seems to be "ok" if it is just a couple of people sitting somewhere provided that this is not in a public space - it is kind of strange how it works because park bench = not ok whereas a seating arrangement that is essentially the same thing on private property is just fine.


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Anyway, we had planned to get together and have a few beers at this bench and as soon as we sat down the conversation just started flowing and resulted in one of us heading down to the mini-mart to get more beers as we were not done and this was after an hour. Then another hour had passed and we were still chatting away and needed to go on a second beer run. The next thing I know we are 8 beers deep and we stopped not because we were done talking but because we both know that 8 beers is more than enough.

The topics we covered ranged from cycling, life in Vietnam, our pasts, movies, crypto, our pasts, and simply life in general and there was no a single moment during those several hours where there was dead silence or either one of us searching for a topic. I've been in situations with friends of mine where there are a bunch of us sitting around and people just seem to struggle for anything to talk about and well, at those times I start to feel as though I am a court jester because it is always me that comes up with topics and even though it appears as though I enjoy this, I do not. I tend to avoid these people if they are on their own because I know damn well that the conversation is going to be a struggle - and that's not fun now is it?


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There are only a few people on the planet that I can sit with and be able to come up with topic after topic and have both of us engage in the conversation in a way that is entertaining to both of us for a long period of time and when I do have the chance to meet up with these people it is just glorious. So when I do meet someone like this I tend to hang on to them because more often than not, this isn't the case: Most people just don't meld like this.

So when I run into someone like this I tend to hang on to them forever because I think there are only a few people in the world that this is a possibility with. Some people's personalities just mesh in exactly the right way.

Do you have friends like this in your life and do you experience the same phenomenon? I would like to believe that I am just so good at talking to people that this ends up being true with everyone that I meet but conversation is a two-way street and I don't think it really matters if both people are introverted or extroverted - it is just the luck of the draw about whether or not 2 people simply "work" together.

Do you have people like this in your life? I only have a few and it is always a joy when I see them. Unfortunately for I think most people, there are only a handful of others out there that this is possible with. I am just lucky and happy that one of those rare finds happens to live in this city the same time that I do.

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Oh this is awesome when you find a friend like this. I still have a close relationship with a collage buddy that I see maybe a few times a year. Same thing, we both find endless things to talk about. We also have the same weird sense of humor so that helps too. When we get together, it's hard to decide when to leave.. I can't even remember ever getting into any debates or disagreements with him either. We have a lot of the same values and ideas.

True friendships are hard to find, so yeah.. Don't let them go! Glad you quit at 8 beers hehehe 🤣

Oh Yeah .. Sorry, I missed the Nadi post somehow and now it is 8 days past. Loved the photos and the smile for this dismal Friday I am having. I left a comment there

I can't even remember ever getting into any debates or disagreements with him either

This is always a good sign. In my own life there is a guy that I have knowns since 8th grade and in our college years we had a "friendship ending" argument that nearly lead to fisticuffs. You know that you are true friends when eventually you can work that shit out. He is still one of my best pals on the planet.

No sweat on missing the Nadi posts. Lawd knows i've missed a few of yours :)

Haha, this definitely isn't me. I struggle to lead conversations. You ask me a question and it is something I know about or am interested in and I can probably talk your ear off for hours. But if left to my own devices to guide a conversation I just can't do it. I am horrible at small talk. It gets a little better if I have the proper "lubrication", but I still am just not very good at it. I have some theories about it, but nothing I am going to dive into here. I've got maybe three or four really good friends and hanging out with them we can pick up where we left off. We might not talk a ton, but its comfortable and just fits I guess. That is awesome that you found someone you can connect so closely with there!

It helps if you have known someone for a long time also. There are friends of mine that I was pals with when we were kids or in high school and college and when we get together we just reminisce and also have a lot of catching up to do because at least in my situation, our lives have taken very different trajectories. Most of my pals back in USA have been married at least once, have kids, and didn't move terribly far away from where I met them. There are pros and cons to both but for the most part they envy my "adventurous life" and I at times envy their stability and property and what not.

In this particular situation in the blog though, I am talking about someone that I only recently met and something like that is a rarity. I think on the very first day I met this couple, we were running off at the mouth for hours even on topics that we don't share a common interest. That, my friend, is a rarity.

I can see what you mean!

When I think about it, am largely also the one striking up conversation topics even among familiars. I don't have a problem with it though as the conversation almost always seems to flow and I am able to provide insights and direct the conversation flow which isn't such a bad thing

I'm good at it too but sometimes (and I have a particular group of friends that I am thinking of) I am the only one that breaks the silence and kind of wonder why those people are in a social environment if they don't have anything to talk about.

We have good friend when we bored to talk about information and him give advice us.