I can now sleep in the dark

in #life17 days ago

Sweet Dreams.jpg

My painting "Sweet Dreams", acrylic on paper, 2019.

Ever since I was a child, I have been sleeping with the lights on. No lamp, just the normal light you would use in the room. I can't sleep with the lights off... I mean, technically I can fall asleep to it, but I just don't want to.

As far as I can remember, it started when I was sleeping with my cousins in my room when I was around 8 years old. The light was off and my cousins were asleep. It was 3 or 4am that I had a dream/hallucination that my mind was awake and that I can see through my perspective that I was laying in bed and just looking at the bed above (it was a bunk bed). It was dark but I was just staring there. I could probably consider that my first sleep paralysis, even though I wasn't really that conscious and it felt more like a dream to me.

All of a sudden, some black demon-looking face appeared right in front of my face. Like he did a peek-a-boo on me. I was terrified and it woke me up instantly. Even though my cousins were there beside me, I was still terrified because it was dark.

So yeah, since that night, I never turn the lights off when I sleep. You can imagine the electricity bill but my parents were kind enough to understand.

Why I do it

I'm not afraid of the dark. I mean, there's nothing to be afraid of when you're in your own room; when you are familiar with basically everything.

What I'm truly afraid of is having a nightmare and waking up in a dark room... With no one to hug when I'm frightened. So the only thing that makes me feel safe is the light on.

I usually get nightmares and night terrors. And you know when you are having a nightmare, the environment is pretty real right? And waking up in the dark after having one just makes it worse.

You could probably compare it with watching horror movies in the dark. The dark surroundings adds to the thrill that you're wanting to experience. Except in dreams you're in first person point of view, and during a dream it feels real.

How I was able to conquer it

It was last year when I was getting sleep paralysis more often for some reason. It was so often that I finally was able to not get scared of it. The same with nightmares. I was learning how to sense when a nightmare was coming and prevent it either by thinking of good things or hyping myself with silly things in the dream.

I also started to research more about it, buy crystals just to manifest things, talked to people, and started believing in myself (that I am in control of my mind, that they are just visuals, etc).

Those things greatly helped and I started to be less afraid day by day.

It started from sleeping with the main light on til sleeping with a lamp or a fairy lights on.

About a week ago, I tried turning the lights off when I sleep and it's going pretty well. I still have weird and vivid dreams. Like literally every night I remember my dreams and they are all vivid, I can only count a few nights when I don't remember a dream.

They are stressful sometimes (because emotions and it feeling real) but I'm not afraid of it anymore.

It feels good knowing I've struggled for so long and that now I am able to sleep with it soundly.

It takes guts to face your fears, and not only you faced it, you also are taking action for fixing it.

!Galing mo bes

I used to listen to a radio show in which many people would describe the same experience. Some thought there was a supernatural cause.

I think what your new ability sounds like is lucid dreaming.

I don’t remember ever having nightmares, even in childhood. Usually I realize I am dreaming and play with the story or just observe to see where it goes. Even the dreams that seem very real slip up and give away that they aren’t real.

Only one dream was emotional for me. I dreamt my wife and I lost a child. It wasn’t one of our three children. Apparently we had a fourth in this dream, which was the give away. Still, even knowing it was a dream, I felt really sad when the boy died. I think I woke up with tears. I turned around, hugged my wife and went back to sleep.

Learn more about lucid dreaming.

I had lucid dreams sometimes but most of the times I'm unconscious. Hmm, it's like... I've told myself over and over again that I should not be afraid cos those dreams can't hurt me physically until it just got stuck in my subconscious. So those dreams that I said I can avoid if a nightmare was coming, I can prevent it but I was completely auto pilot with doing it although some instances I am semi-conscious. Haha but yeah I need to read more about it.

Aww, yeah that's a really sad dream. Good to know that was just a dream though and good thing you have your wife beside you to hug.. I hope you don't get to experience nightmares, they are terrible and I'm glad you don't remember having any.

Aaaw - this made me happy to read. As a mama, as a human.

Would love to see you write a naturalmedicine post about conquering fear for better sleep. Which crystals did you choose, and why? etc.

Emotional stress is one of the biggest causes of dis-ease. Yay you and well done not just for working through it, but for a beautiful art work to release some of that. Does this mean a beautiful series of paintings about sleeping peacefully in the dark?? 😊

Oh maybe I could! Although I can only say a few stuff, need to research more haha! Thank you! I haven't thought of making any at the moment but you gave me an idea :D

Hello dear, when I was a kid, I would have nightmares exactly as you described. it is not a nightmare, it is the darkness that stands before my eyes. it still continues from time to time. I'm dreaming in a dream. I think 'this is a nightmare is not real'. and I wake up. then nightmare again ... actually i have trouble waking up from dreams. but I learned to live with it. and sometimes I direct my dreams. You can inspire your brain like this. 'this is a dream ... and actually I want to visit the pyramids now.' haha. make sure you can do that. like astral travel. an event of the brain. it is also a chance to remember all these dreams. it requires a strong mind. Take care, dear..

Good for you that you are so strong to conquer this! Proud of you!


Dreaming is so fucking weird, you can do everything right, not sleep well one night and others not, but most of the sleeping shit boils down to habits and routine, I'm really happy you got to sleep with the lights out, light and sleep can really mess up with your brain chemistry, I'm sure you'll be able to control your vivid dreams in no time

Wow you are an artist. I can't draw but I can capture an imaginary image.