Go to the Pharmacy, young Boomwalker. There you will find what you seek...
The Streets were Covid empty and I had to fight the urge caused by years of racing games to slam the pedal to the metal.
The words of El-Jefe echoed in my mind as I flung my car into a parking space like a ready-meal into a cheap microwave and dashed out, one eye leaking wetness down my cheek.
As I neared the Pharmacy, I slowed down from a muscular run to a manly lope.
There was something in the window.
Something peculiar.
Something which made my heart baboom in my chest.
What in the name of safely wrapped fuck? Free johnny bags?
My inner Scotsman made a squee'ing noise at the suggestion of free something's.
I noticed my breathing was coming in ragged gasps. It must have been the offer of free johnnys It couldn't possibly be exertion from my small burst of activity. Oh no, definitely not.
This was obviously a sign. A sign from on high.
Tonight, dear Good Lady, you're gonna earn your keep and you're getting paid in...
BEEF DOLLARS!
I jumped up and clicked my heels.
It was time for the Golden Penis Lord to dust off his salty bags and get jiggy!
How long had it been? Too long. Parenting might be magic for a lot of things but it was shit for hiding the purple monkey.
I wondered if we should wear masks? Covid and all that jazz. Hmm.
My eye twitched and watered and I realised I had other things to tend to. I wiggled my hips and set off into the Pharmacy.
Inside, a large plastic wall with holes in it for passing things back and forth separated the public from the staff. On my side, a plump woman was leaning over her bag and rooting around in it.
I chuckled. She was lucky that I didn't have a hold of those free johnnies yet.
I stepped around her, careful not to slip my penis accidentally up her, to the counter.
On the other side of the perspex wall was a pretty girl in her twenties.
I was wondering if I could get something for my eye, I am fairly sure I have an eye infection?
I leaned close so she could see.
She looked and laughed.
Oh yes, you are bang on the money there. I will get you some drops.
She flounced off toward the back and returned mere moments later with some eye drops.
There you go, put these in 4 times a day for 5 days. That will sort you out, if not, come back and see me.
She beamed radiantly at me and I felt the skin on my face tighten as I basked in her glow.
Was there anything else?
I opened my mouth.
JOHNNIES! FREE JOHNNIES!!
I wanted to shout. Somehow though, my mouth rebelled and refused to obey my wicked brain.
Um... eh, see... erm, in the...
I stuttered feebly like a crypto geek at a party where people just wanted to have fun.
Yes?
She said radiantly.
Can I have a handful of them free condoms?
The words came from beside me, the plump woman had straightened up and was holding out a big meaty fist for her free johnnies.
You never know when them come in handy!
She said proudly, catching my eye.
She looked a little like Donald Trump, my buttocks squeaked in fear that she wanted to sex me with her vagina.
Sir, can I help you with anything else?
Donald Trump was still looking at me as if I were a Chorizo and she knew exactly which fleshy stew I would compliment.
Um, no thanks. These will do me.
I waved the eye drops at the pretty counter girl.
Then ran.
Aw.. you bottled it.. was is the fit 20-year old.. or the fat woman that stopped you saying..
JOHNNIES! FREE JOHNNIES!!
It was the pretty young thing!! Somehow I felt like it would be a sleazy old man for saying such a thing!!
Bottled, well and truly!
Oh my goodness, for some reason I was envisioning Miss Trunchbull from Matilda when I read about the plump lady. You poor man. Clearly your wife needs to comfort you. Extensively ;)
I think she does need to comfort me!!
I was thinking Miss Trunchbull too, only with blonde hair!
I'm trying to envisage a "muscular run" and I don't know if my imagination is not good enough or too good but perhaps I'll not share what popped up xD
Free condoms sounds like something they just need to hand to people unless they're amused by people awkwardly requesting them XD
I see you haven't yet mastered the art of "working" around small children? XD
The muscular run is probably exactly as you pictured but 10 X MOAHR MANLY!
I much prefer free condoms when they put them in a bucket and you can just help yourself.
I dn't think I will ever master anything childrenish. They are terrors!
Well ya see, I'm not sure if some of my envisionings were what you might class as "manly" XD
They probably didn't do that as some smartarse would probably just walk off with the bucket.
Lol, I suspected you had thought something like that!
They would no doubt, there is always a fanny that spoils things!
Hello dear friend @meesterboom Good afternoon
I can't believe you didn't order the products for free
Be careful if you decide to hide the "purple monkey" Not that we have another mini Boomwalker
I wish you a beautiful night
Next time, next time I swear I will get them and the story will have a much happier ending!! ;O)
We hope that they will continue to be in stock when you go to look for them, I think that the closure should be used more than necessary. dear friend @meesterboom
I wish you a happy rest
Haha, if they ain't in stock I might be in trouble!!
Have a good one mate!
Hahahha. The illustration for this post is just... Genius😂😂 Freebies are the best in life sometimes. Grab'em while you can, as the lady said, never know when you'll need them.
I do like a freebie!!
Hehe, I quite liked it myself!
Hahahhahah. I am sure you took the offer. Too good to refuse. And just like Barbie said:life in plastic is fantastic😂😂
Barbie Girl, there's a blast from the past :OD
Hahahha. I can still remember the video. It was a massive hit. Gosh... We were so young back then.
!BEEF DOLLARS!
It's been a while since I've seen any free johnies up for grabs, but it's also been a while since I've needed any. I am blaming covid and not my like of game of course :D
Funnily enough, I am blaming Covid! It wasn't great but it wasn't bad before that. Now my kids won't sleep or stay asleep and everything just gets in the way of me and my nazzums!!
BEEF DOLLARS FTW!! :OD
!ENGAGE 25 !
I have heard many say they aren't sleeping too well, it's about time to open the pubs which should help with sleep and drunken action :D
When the pubs open the floodgates to everything will open!
I tell you, I am chanking for some pub action. Beer garden, oofty. Yes please!
ENGAGEtokens.I was sure that you'd ask for the free johnnies, then hand them back and ask if they have any a little larger...
Perhaps it's fate ... It's about time for a third Boom anyways. ;-)
More like I would ask if they had a fitting room!!
Yeek, don't tempt satan and the ways of the third child. I couldnt take it!
Think of it as practical experience for a certain Doula.
Then 48 cans becomes 96. :-)
HAhaha, that would be something but I still don't know if it would be worth the ageing!! I can't take any more ageing!!
Probably perished anyway. We got free condoms in the army and were a load of crap. Maybe cheap Chinese imports like the PPE as they fell apart once you put them on. Then again maybe they were ultra small and were destined for other shores like Scotland lol.
We could use them to make jam in!!!
I think it's a big health drive. The Scottish government is good for free everything. Didn't know it stretched to johnnies though!
The British don't want any more Scots around and is a plot to reduce your numbers.
If only that were true and we could close the gates!!!
"I want you.....to want me"!!! And my HBD.
Heavy Beef Dollars!!! Lol.
Lol, I like it!! We finally have a user case for HBD!!! or at least another meaning for the acronym!!
Congratulations @meesterboom! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
You can view your badges on your board And compare to others on the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPTo support your work, I also upvoted your post!
Hot damn, I'm on fire these days :0D
You sure are @meesterboom! That is awesome 😉
liz