Hello hello hello. What's going on here then?
The Good Lady popped her thumbs in imaginary lapels and did her best to look like a London Policeman of yesteryear.
I looked up and giggled, glad that she was doing an impression of a Copper from yesteryear and not going down the more contemporary route of tear-gassing me and shooting me in the back when I fell down.
I'm setting up my phone to record a bit of guitar video.
I waggled my phone at her as if it were a bunch of freshly pulled carrots and I a farmer with a gleam in his eye.
What for?
The Good Lady took a seat and nodded at me to go on. She looked to be quite interested which was nice because normally she screams and claws at her face when I start playing or talking about guitar.
Well, you know I write things for my blog on Hive? I was thinking of maybe doing a guitar series. A sort of how-to with a bit of humour.
I plucked a note on my guitar and let it waaaaahhh into silence before continuing.
The thing is, I remember how many mistakes I made when I started playing and it would be nice to help others not make those mistakes.
I plucked a few chords and made a wanking face in the way that all guitarists of note do.
As the chords rang out I noticed that it had become very quiet.
Very quiet indeed.
I filled the silence with a little solo ending on a tremendous bend of the strings and more wank-style face.
Pausing in the guitar wankery, I carried on explaining my vision to the Good Lady.
A series on guitar and how to play and the pitfalls to avoid. Should I pitch it at beginners? Probably. I wasn't that amazing after all.
I did like to think I was ok though.
As I told the Good Lady of the things I hoped to achieve I simultaneously thought how lucky I was to have a woman that was so on my side. So understanding and appreciative of my hobbies.
So supportive.
That's odd. It was bloody quiet in here?
I realised I had been talking a good length of time and looked up to see if the Good Lady had any questions.
Oh.
Where she had been a desiccated corpse now sat, even as I looked at it a draught of air from the open back door wafted against it causing it to crumble into a cloud of fine dust leaving only a few mouldering bones to clatter on to the floor.
Hmm, fuck it. So much for that idea then.
Our illustrious hero dangles yet another juicy skill learned whilst dabbling in the dark arts at the cost of his very soul!
Mixing a cup of dessicated witches tit, five heaping helpings of Highlands Gnome spunk, the pickled heart of an eastern troll, and a pinch of reindeer fart.
Greedily quaffing this demons brew, he feels a tingling sensation from the base of his rotted nether regions, to the tips of his gnarled fingers.
Now he could play!
Tune in you Merry scofflaws! for next time we discover will it be boom or bust?
Always a healthy bet to go for bust!
Goodness me, who told you the ancient and secret formula to greatness on guitar!? They shall be made to pay!! I must alert the brethren!!
Oh guitar.... I tried to play guitar some years ago... My fingers hurrrt😂😂
Play through the pain!!! It's the only way
Hmmmm I will give it a go in the future, I am sure I gave up too soon. Good point!
It's defo worth it
Don't give me ideas😂😂 I can only imagine the first song...reaching the ears of people🙉🙉
People always tell you your first song is great, even when it sucks as first songs usually do!! :OD
They better😂 it is cool to always be nice to a beginner
Oof that police description, I really didn't want to laugh but I did x_x
So if we have anyone that needs assassinating we should send you to go talk to them? XD
So no guitar series then?
If it bored the good lady as much as it did, I can't see me doing it!!
Yeah the police one, ouch! If only it weren't close!
Is she in your target audience though XD
Hehe, she acts as a fine focus group! Market research! And it failed. Sob!
Does Air Guitar count? I play a lot to my dog who gives me bored looks even straddling him with the fast-moving fingers, I might get a large yawn at best.
All guitar counts, it bores wives and dogs alike. You should see the looks I get off my cats when I start playing!!
All these animals want is food, especially that dog of mine, I should have named him 'greedy', it would have been apt. No appreciation of music at all.
My cats would eat themselves until they died from it. They are the most ridiculous things ever. Garfield has nothing on them!!!
Hello dear friend @meesterboom.
Women dear friend, you know, they don't understand musical art.
Although I never played any instrument, I was always linked to music, I studied sound technician in recording, for this reason, there were many musicians at home to record some promotional demo.
the claim was always the same. the volume of the music.
Have a great week dear friend
That's a cool thing to study. I spent many a happy hour in the studio. Will, it was happy for us but sometimes I felt sorry for the sound technician as the hours were looking!
It is a wonderful stid, but what you say is true, the sound man has to spend many hours accompanying the musicians until the songs are left and sound as they should.
Have a great week dear friend @meesterboom
You too mate, another week another challenge!!
Mine was always like "Let me take a picture of you with the guitar... now turn the fucking amp down before the neighbors call the cops!"
Haha, the pictures are always good! Mine keypad threatening to sell my amp and get me a smaller one, it's not even big!!
Mine's little 15 watt Crate, it gets some good distortion when I crank up the gain though. The old lady next door, Pam, is a witch! We were having a problem with grackles roosting and crapping all over so she called animal control. They laughed at her and told her to play loud rock music. When I got home from work she was waiting and told me what they said. She said "you have loud rock music, make the birds go away." So I put my speakers on the porch and cranked up the Rammstein. In two days the birds were gone... the next time I cranked my music, she called the cops!
She is a witch, she used you!!! A fine voice to scare them away is the Rammstein!!!
I can set it in my head now!
Indeed she was, I hope she's enjoying hell. We lived boxed in between 2 twin sisters, polar opposites. Her sister Shelly came out while we were scaring away the birds and remarked that she" "kinda like this one" on one of Rammstein's classics (it was the Du Has CD).
Du Hast... Well, it is a classic. I think that song opened up my eyes to the wonder of that band!
They should like fecking nutters!
The contemporary route? Haha. Had me laughing from the start. 😁
It's true, though, that anytime I even consider doing something new, my wife suddenly takes great interest in what I'm doing. Part of me wants to try something new everyday and the other wants to return to the same old routine. The attention is sometimes welcome but always scary.
Mine was totally interested for a grand minute or two. It was hilarious how much I bored her!!
But I am the same, I want to get something on the go every day. It's the way to stay alive!!
My beloved has no interest at all in my guitar wankery, but I have a set of musician friends (male and female) who appreciate it :) Wife would love it if my study/studio were totally soundproof so she can watch Poirot in peace.
Mine is the same, she was interested for two seconds flat then bored. I think she dreams similar of me having the attic soundproofed. I don't even play that loud but I think that's a bit of a subjective topic for every guitarist!
I used to play with a few people or was always great fun, in fact I think it is the best way to improve!
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STOPCheers chaps!!
Nice job @meesterboom! As always 😉
liz
Cheers Liz!! :0)
hahaha. Another good one to laugh. :).
The Good Lady laughed when I showed her! Hehe
What the hell is a guitar wankery face
You must have seen it!! That gave guitarists pull when they play a solo!!
This is so funny. But why do they pull that face as if they are receiving inspiration from somewhere.. i hate them .. Same with very good singers. Then they move their and make a very funny face
Yeah, as if they are receiving a message from the other side!
May be they are
hahaha!! It would have to be some message to get the sex face on the go!
This would have made a much more interesting post, but this one passes the legit test also.
Now...When can I expect open hive and see your guitar-wank-face on video as in the image here on this post?
You never know, that day might come!!!! It world be an easy post to make!
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Do it.
Who can resist the mighty Stiller!!
I watched The heartbreak kid the other night for the 20th time. Funny shit.
Hehe, I watched zoolander the other night. It's still incredibly funny!
Yep, I love me some stupidity. I can watch them over and over.
You do know your guitar wankery face is the same as your sex face don’t you? True sciencey fact!
Oh sure. That's why I try to keep it hidden away!!
Oh, I was SO hoping @meesterboom to see a video of you strumming and plucking along, stopping only to gulp various exotic ales of pumpkin and spicy kumquat whilst playing us "the wee cooper o'fife" or some other 'easy lesson' inspired dity.
Hhah, now that sounds oh so idylic!! Regretfully life is never quite like that!
One day the guitar will come!