Pies and Covid Wine

in #life4 years ago

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Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!?!?!

A loud pitched scream echoed through the whole house.

I looked up from the incredibly important pie chart'y report I was creating.

That was odd, it sounded like the Good Lady but she normally didn't scream like she was being skinned alive and poked with a dog's todger?

At least, not during the day.

No matter. I must have imagined it.

I went back to my pie-chart and frowned as I debated whether or not to make it 3D with a drop shadow or not.

Noooooooooo?!?!?! It can't be!?!?

Again, the insane screaming.

It seemed to be coming from downstairs.

This was quite bizarre. The only person in the house who could scream like that was the Good Lady but why would she be? It's not like we were having a game of beef boggle?

I kicked back in my office chair and lifted a pencil to my mouth for a bit of a chew and a think.

Perhaps she was being murdered?

I guess that would learn her for not having sufficient secret weapons stashed around the house.

I let out a mean chuckle and wheeled back to the computer.

Now my beautiful little pies. Where were we?

I smacked my hands together and waggled my fingers in preparation of the pie fiddling.

DAAAADDDY-BEEEEEAAAAR?!?!? Why the hell aren't you answering?!

It was the Good Lady.

Damn. Who shat in her handbag?

Coming.

Grumpily, I got up and huffed down the stairs and into the kitchen where the commotion was coming from.

What is it, man. I'm working?

I puffed moodily.

The Good Lady's face was grey and ill looking. She pointed to our wine rack. (don't worry, it's not a posh, ooo look at me wine rack, it's a shonky old wooden box with holes.)

Daddy, it's the start of the weekend and I just realised... We are out of wine?!

Her voice warbled up and down as if she were riding on the back of a gigantic galloping ferret.

I looked at her.

I looked at the wine rack.

Suddenly, the enormity of what I was seeing hit me with full force and I doubled over and retched as if punched square in the funbags.

What?! How can this be? How can we have allowed this to happen?!

I reached out a hand to the worktop and used it to steady myself as the realisation sunk in.

We had no wine.

This was a disaster.

I mean, I drink beer mostly but in between beer times, I like to drink wine.

Heaven forbid there be a dry moment?

I raised my gaze, grey and forlorn to the good Lady.

I will have to go out there into the Covid-19 wasteland and risk certain death to fetch us wine. Won't I?

The Good Lady flinched back as if stung before gathering herself and sadly nodding.

Yes, It is the only option.

A fat salty tear trailed down one of her loveable, willing-to-sacrifice-her-man-for-wine cheeks.

I sniffed back a tear myself. I couldn't help it. I had grown fond of this life and it would be a dreadful shame to leave it.

But needs must.

Mentally I girded my loins and hitched up my skirts.

I will do it. I will go to the supermarket for wine. Tell the children I loved them.

The Good Lady watched me head for the door.

As I headed out into the virus-laden wastelands beyond, she called after me.

We loved you too, Daddy-Bear!

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Well Boom this may not be the most fashionable mask. In fact @dswigle made posts about making some pretty nice ones. But by Gawd when you don a mask like this, people know you are a serious dude that just laughs at the virus! lol

What in the name of fuck!!!!

It's that from 20,000 leagues under the sea!!

That is truly amazing, I would wear one of them!!

I sent him a nice mask and instead, he goes out looking like he is on a respirator. You just can't buy classy like you used to be able to.


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Yes, before you remark, he did not get the kitty one.

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NOOOOOO this can't be happening dear friend @meesterboom the weapons hidden behind the sofa and the bottles of wine should never be missing.
It is terrible what you have to do, and yes, sacrifice your life, but the wine has to be in the fridge.
Be careful, keep your distance, take the mouthpiece, but the wine must be present.
Cheers dear friend

I will go to any length to get the wine!! It shall be so!!!

"oh! My kingdom for an apple!" I haven't had an apple pie or apple anything in almost 20 years. Apples do not grow well in the tropics...

They are one of the very few things that grow well here. Scotland is rubbish for growing things!

The advantage of living in a small town is ... my wine store is usually empty. The last two times I was there, I was the only customer and there were two staff members. But since the 'Rona started, when I enter, I do not leave with less than 12 bottles.

Haha, I have encountered similar Rona's!! With similar effects!!!

I'll stick with the beers.. never acquired the taste for wine

Wine and coke! It's awesome! But beers do win!

Good luck on the conquest, going to need that wine to help settle the nerves for the Boggle game later (WHAT A GAME!)

Cheers man!! It's the only game worth playing in this lockdown town!!

That's quite funny, I was just looking at your profile for the sweariness!! :0D

Don't tempt out "Dr Swearmaster"!

I actually try not to swear when I post but clearly that hasn't effing worked! Looking at the list, seems I'm in jolly good company (ah fuck it, it's too hard to resist sometimes 😂)

Haha, fuck it indeed!! My problem seems to be that I don't swear overtly enough. I think I say stuff like cunty-baws and the like. Must try harder!!

Haha, I don't know if the search was "contains" those words or if it was exactly matching, otherwise the leaderboard could look very different 😂

Either way, looks like a new league is in town and it's not for the overly sensitive 😁

Aye, it might have been contains. Dammit. I am too fond of the euphemism!!

As long as it isn't white then it's worth dying for...

White is the devil's muck!

Are certain wine worth risking life for
Rethink though

Oh God aye, there is virtually nothing to think on!! ;0)

I read pies and apple pie and ice cream popped into my head. I have none, and now I'm craving it. Never write pies in a post again! It just makes me get a hankering.

I hope you made it back from the badlands of COVID-19...Below, you and your buddies heading to Tesco for wine.

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Every post from now on will have pies in it!! I am on a pie mission from here on in!! Lol

That's exactly how it was!! Maybe a little less leather and wheels but damn close!

Well, Faith and I have apple strudel and coffees for Friday night snacks so...Not quite apple pie, but close enough.

Raat, just like us except we have cheesecake and wine. Don't tell anyone, that's a dark secret 🤣🤣

Dark secrets like that belong on the dark web mate. Don't worry, I won't tell...

Dark web lockdown, engage!!

I was of course imagining this as a skit with all the over the top drama involved. It was great XD

I'm assuming you survived the ordeal seeing as you wrote this XP

I think I discovered, it's hard to tell if I died and this is indeed hell!!

:0D

What a brutal start to the weekend, I suggest two boxes are brought back to stop such a disaster happening next time around.

I always take a look at the red wine and think, hmmm yes, that'll be healthier than beer in the week. Not managed to bring a bottle home yet though :)

I love a red wine. Probably trained into it by many nights of watching muck on TV with the missus. Can't beat a beer though. A good mix makes a happy chappy. Not together though, on the same night, that way less madness the next day!!

I do seem to remember red wine putting me in the mood for a bit of muck. Maybe today will be the day?!

Make it so!!!

It's never too late for a muck starting!!!

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We are banned from buying any alcohol for the past 52 days - some people are really struggling - maybe in two weeks they will open the bottle store but ration the amount bought.

She should have secret wine stashes similar to your secret knife stashes. Except, of course, you have no more secret knife stashes. ;)

Haha!! Indeed!! Although I am quite surprised that she doesn't have secret wine stashes... Unless she does asked it's all a plot to off me!!