Daddy-Bear, can you help me with something?
The Good Lady's delicate tones ripped through the house like a dodgy curry from Abdul's Tandoori through a Scotsman's innards.
Coming, my sweet!
I pulled my headset off and flumped downstairs.
My heart was light with the prospect of the weekend ahead. Friday! Who didn't love a Friday? Who couldn't feel the joy of a Friday on an actual Friday?!
I traipsed into the lounge where the Good Lady sat, spinning her silken web.
What is it my darling? What, pray tell, may I do for you?
I swept my arm to the side and elaborately bowed the way I have seen people do in movies where they prepare to get a big bulbous thing stuck up their arse.
There was a delivery, it's rather heavy. Can you help me with it?
She smiled at me, a smile that suggested something vagina'y needed goosing. A smile that promised all sorts of naughty botherings after some wine.
A smile which harked me back to the times before children when a man could run naked around the house, chasing his Good Lady with his lad in his hand.
Something heavy, eh? You have come to the right man, I specialise in lifting heavy loads.
I gave her a wink and a slap on the buttock.
In my experience, a slap on the buttock is a fine way of suggesting romance and bamboozlement lies ahead for a lady. Nothing, to a lady, suggests more than a butter my ramekin than a playful slap on the flanks.
The Good Lady narrowed her eyes at me. No doubt trying to contain all those lusty thoughts.
Yes, it is very heavy. It seems to be two boxes. I can't figure out what it could be?
She looked at me innocently, the way a cat would at a gherkin before realising it was a cucumber.
Oh, that will be my beer.
I replied equally innocently.
Oh no, it couldn't be Daddy-Bear. It's far too big to be just a beer delivery?
I paused before laughing nervously like a Spanish Transvestite realising they were on the wrong bus.
Um, it is beer. They sent me a mail.
We made our way out back to where the boxes lay. They did look quite big to be just beer. I shrugged my shoulders apologetically and started tearing them open.
They had an ingenious series of perforations and in no time at all the contents were exposed to the wan light of a Scottish afternoon.
Daddy-Bear... How many beers is that?
Asked the Good Lady ineloquently.
Um, 48, I reckon?
I tried to sound casual as if I were telling one of my daughter's hot teachers I used to be in a band.
FORTY-EIGHT?!?! ARE YOU MENTAL?!?
A flock of nearby starlings exploded up from some trees nearby and scarpered at the piercing screech of the Good Lady.
Can you please explain why you felt the need to buy 48 bloody beers?
She demanded as she dropped into one hand on hip stern teapot pose.
I rose up from fondling all of the sexy cans and turned to face her, my face unusually serious.
All this COVID talk, lass. They say there will be a second wave? So I'm stocking up. Don't worry, your favourite wine is coming tomorrow. 18 bottles of it.
I made my best, see, I'm a fucking hero face.
Oh. Oh right, ok.
She backed off, her brow furrowed at the thought of a second wave incoming.
I chuckled and started unpacking all of my glorious beer.
I think it's gonna be a fabulous weekend.
Well played with the wine. That is the sign of a smart man!
Preparedness is my middle name!!
I like your short stories man,way of suggesting romance is absolutely right choice to remark your desires to your woman :) Slapping in the buttock...Salvation of everthing :) Second wave stocking hahaha...really great...
And actually you need to know that you are really lucky.In here one beer is 20 unit money and minimum wages is 2224 unit money. There you can calculate... :)
Have a nice weekend...
You can get 111 beers each wage, that bloody awesome!!! Reel the beers in!!!
Hehe, I do tend to exaggerate a bit ;0D
Doesn't sound mental. But when I was growing up my parents would often by a tray of Coke (for Mum) and a tray of beer (for Dad), sometimes two, and that would last for ages because they might drink one once a day if that maybe so perhaps my idea of normal is a bit skewed XD
That sounds quite a perfect thing!! I talk a lot as though I drink millions but I'm actually quite restrained in that way and this will last me for ages too, there was a deal and or was 20% off, couldn't resist it!!
Hello dear friend @meesterboom good afternoon
You are very clever when writing, the details make you imagine the situation, I laughed so much about the Spanish transvestite on the wrong bus.
Very cunning when buying the 18 bottles of wine, he knows how to please the first lady.
You must be prepared for a good hangover, with those 48 beers.
Impatient waiting to see what this second wave brings.
Have a great end to the day
I am going the hangover won't be as bad as the last time when I had 24 and went on a bit of a spree!
Cheers mate, I try to inject a bit of life into my descriptions :0)
Yes, you do it very well, that makes you unique.
I would love to have the dynamism and humor that you have when writing
Enjoy your afternoon dear friend
Ach, yer a gentleman to say so!!
Should make sure her delivery comes first next week. Just to be safe.
Dammit, now there is some critical thinking!!! Yes indeed!!
Good thinking mate. Governing is all about anticipation!
Better safe than sorry (and/or sorrow) :-)
I heartily agree!! Preparedness is next to somethingness!!! ;0D
That reminds me, I forgot to pick up some cheap plonk.
Pick it up fast!! Before the wave breaches!!!
48 beers, is that all! Haha.., got myself some of that whiskey brewed up in your parts yesterday.
Highland Park, where else could that originate from!
Ooo that's a fancy looking bottle!!! You be careful on that stuff, you will be out in the streets fighting with the cars!!!
48 is the most I have ever bought in one go. There was a deal on :0D
It's quite a harsh taste, I don't like the stuff that tastes like medicine. Taliskar is one of those, from Skye.
Always with a bit of water and it melted it down quite a bit. An embarrassing thing I was taught by an American which I should have known!!
I like the peaty ones like balvennie. Yum!!
Boom does get around.
Aye you suggesting it's my arse water! Good God man, your did you find out!!
I am calling you out proper on it.
Damn, nobodies meant to know. We have a rota system and it's meant to be anonymous!!!
Ooooo such a cool thing to order the wine for The Good Lady, deflecting attention from your mineralised water. I am sure it will be a great week-end. After all, it did started with a promicing slap on the buttock😂😂👋
Aye, one must always prepare in advance and making sure she is happy always works out!!
Smart man👏