Aw man, this coffee, it tastes terrible?!?!
On my Teams call Jimmy Two-Ways was lifting up a mug and grimacing at it. We were all on the Friday Project catch-up call and Jimmy Two-Ways, who was relatively new to the team was being rather loud and shouty.
He had also changed his background picture to make it look as if he was in a New York Bar.
I put myself on mute and shook my head whilst uttering Sad wanker.
Sorry BoomDawg, you are on mute?
El-Jefe the boss man grumbled.
I un-muted myself.
Oh yeah, sorry. Was just talking to my dog.
I grinned madly as if was covered in gammon and running through a valley of starving lesbians.
What's wrong with your coffee, Jimmy?
I enquired solicitously.
Jimmy Two-Ways held up his coffee and peered at it with the same kind of face that Doctors' put on when they smell an advanced STD.
It tastes like piss.
He uttered with grim finality.
Oh really! And you would know what piss tastes like because...
Kelly-Belly-Sore-Bum, one of our Technical Analysts giggled at the very idea of someone being intimately acquainted with that particular bronzed forbidden fruit.
Well, aye. We all know what piss tastes like. I mean come on, everybody has tasted their own piss at least once, eh?
Jimmy Two-Ways looked at the faces on his screen for encouraging nods to confirm he hadn't just outed himself as a crazy piss-eater.
The call was quiet, blank stares mixed with slightly horrified ones on the screen.
Jimmy Two-Ways sputtered indignantly.
Oh come on, anyone who says they haven't is pure lying and they know it
He barked belligerently.
Again he was met with silence and stares as if he was eating pulled jackfruit.
Eh, I don't think its that popular a thing, mate.
I said, coming off mute to help him out before he started asking folk if they had eaten shit too.
Jimmy. What the fuck? Nobody has drunk piss and this is not appropriate. Have you been fucking drinking or something!?
El Jefe thundered through the interwebs.
Jimmy Two-Ways smiled sheepishly.
Ah. You got me boss man, just a couple of beers with lunch though.
He held up an empty glass and winked at the frothy afterburn of beer that was hanging on to the sides.
I winced.
Now, I decided, would be a very good time for Jimmy Two-Ways to stop talking. Surely he would. I mean, he could be loud and stuff but he wasn't normally such a fanny.
Unfortunately, if there was a memo, it seemed that Jimmy was steadfastly refusing to read it.
Come on, we all do it. It's a Friday for God's sake?! Friday beers!
Jimmy Two-Ways pleaded at the stony faces on the screen.
Jimmy. Could you come off the call, please? I will call you in a minute.
El Jefe looked inordinately pleased, like a cat that has licked salmon paste from a male appendage, that he was getting to flex his boss muscles.
For fuck sake...
El Jefe shook his head in sorry disbelief at the folly of the Two-Way'd man.
I mean he says everybody does it? It's a Friday and that makes it somehow acceptable?! Is he mad??
He cut himself from the call.
I looked at the people left on the screen.
Well, that was eventful. Have a good weekend everyone!
I switched my camera off and lifted my lunchtime beer to my lips.
Cheers!
That is a big problem over here. No matter the subject everyone thinks everyone else agrees with THEM lol.
I think it's global! Or at least these days it seems that way!
Don't kink shame XD
Jimmy sounds worse at reading a room than I am x_x
Did you get to enjoy your lunchtime beer after that short and somewhat eventful meeting?
I did indeed. Then I cracked open another and had a nice gentle longy to last me till home time Although home time consists of just coming downstairs.
He was so bad. It was almost hilarious if it wasn't so cringeworthy!
does everybody do it !!!😀
I think so but it's a big open secret!!!
Glad I signed in.
I was straight faced ready to tell you you're not funny at all but I got to jackfruit!! Dude... Salmon paste?!? Oh fuck that's funny.
Right on, Boom. 👍🏿
Have you ever tried Jackfruit? It is absolutely mining. At least the stuff I have tried is. I kept trying to imagine pork but yuch, never!
And cheers man!
!ENGAGE 30 !
Cheers! Have I tried it?? Funny. Right off the tree once, Pura and I were at a botanical garden in Costa Rica. Once! This might be the first time I read any of your shit to her out loud—jackfruit. We both laughed out loud.
Straight off a tree world be something else. In Scotland we don't see fresh!!! It's sloppy and white horrifying!!!
ENGAGEtokens.This picture of you Boomy...The Steampunk Boomy with boobs. Just hot man. Hot!
I found it to be incredibly difficult to masturbate to; but not impossible.
Indeed.
Lol. Ah that made me laugh like a barking dog!!!
That was tame then. Next time I'll push for hyenas.
That is an ambitious target! I applaud your derring do!
Hehe, I found a great seam if photos on pixabay to mine when I searched for steampunk!!!
I showed the good lady and she was like, you for something you wanna tell me? Lol
Lol...Well, you better confess all Boomdawg.
Lol. It's true! It's all true! I like messing with heads on photos!! :0D
Lol...Satisfying huh?
My big secret is that sometimes I enjoy making the thumbnail for my post more than writing it! I have always liked fannying about with photos
I'll not tell anyone your secret. Promise.
The patients don't like when we take lunch with a cold one and then try to stick them. It is so unseemly. Hey, Boom!
Did El Jeffe give him a goodbye bottle?
It seems not, I don't even think he got a formal warning! Which is good but El Jefe does like to snap a bit so no doubt just used it as an excuse to yell!!
I was outed by one of my colleagues because they could see from my tongue that I'd been drinking Red Wine. But .. it was just the two of us and she went to grab herself her own glass. It's like everything else ... simply know your audience and act accordingly. ;-)
It's always about knowing your audience. One of my mates from work was saying how he was having lobster something for lunch the other day and I was like, oooo, nice to have a glass of wine with that and he lifted one up and grinned. Then I grinned too and lifted up a cheeky glass I was having!!
I often work late into the night ... no-one can expect me not to have an occasional beer/wine while working into the night. That would be unthinkable. But ... I guess the 3L bottle of wine might have been a little much.
Hahaha, I would love to see a 3 litre bottle of wine. Imagine how booking mad drunk you would get on that!!! Lol
I've been poured a couple glasses from a Double-Magnum before. There are larger vessels, but that's the largest I've ever seen. Many wine snobs think that anything under 1.5L is too small for proper aging. (I don't understand this "aging" - just git in my belly)
Here's the list of "official" bottle sizes.
https://www.winemag.com/2018/08/28/wine-bottle-sizes/
That's crazy. I truly didn't know this. I thought that a bottle was the standard and anything bigger was a novelty!!
I'm kinda the same with the wine, git in my belly and no messing about :0D
Well, if you find yourself with a Balthazar or larger, let me know. That kind of drinking will be worth the flight to Scotland. ;-)
Camera's? they make you use those things!.. I'm a silhouette and proud to blend in the crowd.
Urophagia?, I saw a video once.. a long time ago, that... er.., I probably should stop there. She had a meal of some brown substance and washed it down with some yellow liquid. Full dining kit and bow tie.., it's all a bad memory and not to be remembered.
They make use them for the giddy-up team boosting morale meetings. Needless to say they don't boostmuch morale with everyone looking like long haired lockdown hippies on em.
HAhaha, I am still scarred from 2 girls 1 cup. How that became viral I will never know!
Haha, I got @bingbabe to chop mine about a week ago, it wasn't bad apart from one side above my ear. That bit looks like Franck Ribery... bloody freaky. !WINE
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Oh no, the overly shaved bit!! I have had that many times One time it was so bad I had to go full shaven head. I looked like a proper plonker!
Oh dear Jimmy!
You can have lunch-time beers if no-one can see you've had lunch-time beers!
I don't think i've had a drop til clocking off time so far, although the warmer weather could tempt me :)
I am doomed in the warmer weather!!
Hehe, I don't normally but when I do, I damn well make sure that I ain't boasting about it to the boss man after having been a loud fajita!! LOLZ
Yeah that was a major fail, what will boss man do?
In our place, talk sternly to him and tell him not to do it again. They are strict but not strict. I haven't heard any gossip to say he has gotten the bullet so I presume he is ok
Not sure what they'd say at my place, but I don't intend on finding out.
Just cracked one open, free one as well :D
Never find out!! I have had two and now just have to navigate bedtime before I can get tucked into more! Friday though, HURRAH and Cheers!
Thanks for continuing to make Hive awesome.
You make hive awesome!