The package is in place.
The message glowed on my screen. The sender, Zachariah, was a user I had never heard of before.
I inhaled some good Scottish air into my lungs via my majestic nostrils. I thought I could smell shite. Hopefully, it was one of the cats and not my own arse letting out a wetty in a direct betrayal of the unwritten compact we had with one another.
The package?
What package was this? I wasn't expecting a delivery. Was this a work thing? The message had popped up on my work laptop. Maybe it was work but what did they mean, the package?
Sighing, I leaned back in my chair.
What if it wasn't something to do with work?
Had my past caught up with me? Should I reply with my standard Red Vagina call sign?
That was a risky endeavour. I could get in trouble with HR if the message wasn't someone covertly alerting me to the shenanigans of the New World Order.
Is everything ready?
A new message from Zachariah pulsed under the old one.
I hovered my mouse over the Zachariah icon. This normally pulled up a popup window with the person's details. Sure enough, the popup appeared but there was no information on it.
All the fields were empty?
I stroked my chin. Think man, think. I urged myself. Who could this be with their cryptic messages and empty profile? There must be a clue, something I was missing?
Oh, hang on. Zachariah, wasn't that a biblical figure? Was he the father of John the Rapist? Wait, was John a rapist? Or a baptist? It was so hard to remember.
Not for the first time I cursed my failings with the writings of the lord.
???
I harrumphed in outrage at the question marks Zachariah had chosen to send as his next message.
The cheeky ballsmear? I didn't care if he was my boss or if he was in fact some ultra-deep-cover black-ops type of agent. You don't send impatient question marks. Not unless you want a damn good beating.
I flexed my fingers and leaned forward, ready to type out a response that would literally make a man's foreskin tear itself off him and flee in holy terror like a plastic bag in the wind.
But before even one of my mighty fingers could touch a key, an incoming call flashed up on my screen.
Fuck!
It was El-Jefe. what did he want? Did he know about Zachariah? Was he part of the plot? Had they figured out how we could store the stolen plutonium and get it across the border?? Was he even now tapping his foot impatiently, wondering why I hadn't responded with Red Vagina..?
I clicked answer.
El Jefe and a dozen other faces appeared on my screen.
Did you get the message about the package?!?!
Barked El Jefe belligerently. He looked cross.
The package?
I replied, attempting to buy time to figure out what the humping fuck was going on.
Yes, the DB release R.25.03.1.1. It's ready. Didn't Zachariah message you? Well?!
He barked at me like I was a piece of gammon tied to a pole.
Ah, fuck. The big emergency fix we were waiting for because of the bad thing that had happened on the Live system.
And here was me gaping with an open mouth because I had been daydreaming of chicks, sunny beaches, cold beers and no COVIDS.
Well?!
Barked the boss man even more loudly.
Red Vagina?
I mumbled hopefully in a low voice.
What's that?
El Jefe frowned deeply.
A few faces on the call perked up and looked at me with that excited face that people get when they see someone else being forced to eat Quorn.
I said "Right me china." As in, the team is ready and waiting.
El Jefe made a rumbling noise like an underground train passing underfoot.
Ok then, get it sorted.
He twisted his head up like an Elephant in a hair shampoo commercial and cut the call.
I stared at the people left. One of them, a floppy-haired, red-cheeked young twit grinned at the screen.
Hi. I'm Zak. The new DBA resource. So... Um, the package, it's in place?
He said it nervously as if he were a time-travelling girl from the 1950s who wanted to lick my ice-cream cone.
I pursed my lips. And studied him closely.
Aye, don't worry. It's all in hand.
I cut the call and shook my head.
No Red Vagina today.
Maybe tomorrow.
John the Rapist - your biblical knowledge is about as good as mine, Haha.., the !WINE bottles seem to have seized up somewhere in the cellar.
Congratulations, @slobberchops You Successfully Shared 0.400 WINE With @meesterboom.
You Earned 0.400 WINE As Curation Reward.
You Utilized 4/4 Successful Calls.
Total Purchase : 24809.918 WINE & Last Price : 0.290 HIVE
HURRY UP & GET YOUR SPOT IN WINE INITIAL TOKEN OFFERING -ITO-
WINE Current Market Price : 0.273 HIVE
It has a certain ring to it. Just trips off the tongue! Although saying such a thing could get a man killed in the deep south! :OD
!WINE Cheers!
Congratulations, @meesterboom You Successfully Shared 0.200 WINE With @slobberchops.
You Earned 0.200 WINE As Curation Reward.
You Utilized 2/3 Successful Calls.
Total Purchase : 24809.918 WINE & Last Price : 0.290 HIVE
HURRY UP & GET YOUR SPOT IN WINE INITIAL TOKEN OFFERING -ITO-
WINE Current Market Price : 0.273 HIVE
My you are creative with your vulgarity. You should be teaching a class on it. The standard college writing class could be divided into semesters, first semester is "creative writing" and the second "vulgar writing." I can just see you standing in front of a podium making inappropriate hand gestures.
Anyway, in short, I enjoyed reading your story, as always.
Why thank you!
I do find that it is my talent. If it could be called such a thing, hahaha!!
I once gave anb inspirational talk from a podium. About overcoming your fears. Lol, I told so many inspirational half truths and lies it was ridiculous :OD
!WINE
Congratulations, @meesterboom You Successfully Shared 0.200 WINE With @ginnyannette.
You Earned 0.200 WINE As Curation Reward.
You Utilized 2/3 Successful Calls.
Total Purchase : 24809.918 WINE & Last Price : 0.290 HIVE
HURRY UP & GET YOUR SPOT IN WINE INITIAL TOKEN OFFERING -ITO-
WINE Current Market Price : 0.273 HIVE
Ohhhh! The package! Not the package
Who knew? I need the new codebook. OMG John the Rapist? Sister Brendan Marie will be praying for free passage to Hell for you. LOL
I hope you are having a great weekend!!
Hell awaits that's for sure!
Apart from the lost hour and screaming kids it's going ok so far! Hope yours is good too!
!WINE
Congratulations, @meesterboom You Successfully Shared 0.100 WINE With @dswigle.
You Earned 0.100 WINE As Curation Reward.
You Utilized 1/3 Successful Calls.
Total Purchase : 24809.918 WINE & Last Price : 0.290 HIVE
HURRY UP & GET YOUR SPOT IN WINE INITIAL TOKEN OFFERING -ITO-
WINE Current Market Price : 0.273 HIVE
Oh, yes. One of those days!! Not enough wine in my cellar to make it good enough! :))
My favourite wine is now out of stock everywhere. I am adrift. Will have to find a new favourite. Bloody winemakers!
Let's change it to rum. I kind of fancy that with a splash of coke.
Aaargh,I am partial to a bit of rum n coke. Old Jay is a nice one. Makes me feel piratey!
Blimey!! Avast Ye!! Throw me some rum, matey! I'm feeling a bit marooned!
Were they really that vague XD
Haha, it might have been the only thing that everyone had been talking about for the past two days... ;0D
Ahh so we're left to believe you weren't paying attention when you should have been or you were being deliberately obtuse XD
I wish I was being deliberately obtuse but I really was just not paying attention and thinking of all the good things in life that wasn't working
Every time someone hits me with a question mark I am always thinking, that's it you are getting it and got in a good way
The plutonium part was really something, I could have seen an entire movie playing out from it lol
In my head I saw exactly that! :OD
Got spanked too, eh? LOL!
Yes indeed, we got ourselves a playah!!
I wonder if they're going on another 'anti content creator' binge.
Only a certain kind of content remember. Write generic pish about the price of a coin and boom! You're safe!!
Yes of course. How could I forget, when I wrote a nice exposé on the subject, not so long ago. So I wonder which fake reason I'll be given. I've posted THREE times this year. I bet they'll say I was "over rewarded." That'll be a doozy.
Those two words, fake reason - that sums it up.
There will be no reason in this case though. I think that one just occasionally dishes them out.
Yeah. I'm unfazed. Just came to joke about it.