Monday morning is already a pretty hard day. But It can become even harder because of your wife's question.
- Do you remember what day it is?
What does it mean-what day?! How can I not remember about Monday-the bastard among all the days of the week. On this day, all the hardest things are just beginning, and nothing ends. The beginning of a new working week, a new life, a new diet and all these stuff. Everything we promise ourselves every weekend. You may forget that today is Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday or even Saturday. But Monday- No. Never.
Wait, that's probably not the point of her question. After all, I got married not a woman with the intelligence of a five-year-old monkey. What day, what day ... again something from the girl's calendar, these magic dates. Your first kiss, the day you gave her first flowers, or the day you came drunk and shat yourself…( I've already mentioned this).
This could be any of the 5,498 days that we spent together. I need to narrow down the circle of suspects. Remember only the top days.
Today is definitely not her birthday, it seems to be somewhere in March. The first date doesn't fit, it was summer. Our wedding ... hmmm no, closer to winter, the first snow has already appeared. The birth of a son - winter too. Think, Think, Think. Remains the day of the proposal to connect our souls until the end of time like Bella and Edward (I've always wanted to be Jacob)… Bingo! This is it!
- Of course I remember what day it is! 6 years since the day I asked you to become my wife! -
I answer at the same time indisputably and with a questioning intonation. My heart skips a couple of beats. Mistakes happen.
-Yes Yes Yes! Imagine, it's been 6 years already! I remember this day as if it was yesterday. Do you remember, DO YOU?!
Ok, Member Berries in da house. Flashback mode is enabled. Fast-forward memories to that very day, yes it was magical. Neural connections signal the presence of another important video recording in this area of memories. 6 years and 3 days ago ...
- Honey!
- Yeap?
- Are you rowing?
- Nope
- Wha.. Why?
-It was your plan. And you are a strong enough man to do it yourself. Love u. Now don't get distracted, that island is still very far away.
Damn, I can't argue. I noticed this sandy island in the sea on the first day of our vacation. A small shoal, about 2 km from the shore (or not, I'm not a fucking rangefinder). Looks like the perfect place for a marriage proposal. But I have to make sure this place will fit. Who knows, maybe a dead fish is washed up there by the current, or turtles are shitting there, or tourists... all together.
Rent a kayak at the boat station for $30 - nooo, not my way, too expensive to test a hypothesis. Being young, a little poor, a good swimmer, and dumb, I propose the perfect plan...
I saw a cute 5 bucks pool mattress at the local store. So my wife will be able to lie down on it and row with her hands, and I will stay in the water and become the motor engine of this technically ideal floating vehicle. Like Jack and Rose, but without unnecessary deaths... I hope. At least it's summer now, even too summer, +50°C in the sun at noon.
My future wife appreciated this plan and promised to help me with all the two beautiful hands that God gave her. And here we are, where we are...
It turns out that some smart guy invented such a thing as coastal currents when he created these shitty seas. And it was stream not from my team (F_ck you, Poseidon!). So I felt a little tired, at the very beginning, on the shore.
And for some reason, this beautiful mattress for $ 5 decided to play the traitor. Someone missed a couple of holes at the factory, or more correctly, someone didn't seal all the holes at the factory when he made this shit out of a colander. But at least in some ways we were lucky, this hole for inflating, similar to the cracked ass of an old anaconda, was right in front of my face.
Yes, no plan in the history of mankind has worked as it should. But when did this stop someone!? So I found myself in a situation where I was simultaneously pushing and inflating something that looked like a mattress, on which lies the most precious thing in my life, in the middle of the sea +50°C heat, but with a clear desire to fulfill my plans.
- Is this asshole honking to us ?!
My future wife asked in surprise, shouting over the horn of a medium-sized cruise liner that had crept up on the left side unnoticed.
- I'm afraid so. It seems that the current has brought us to the fairway.
I answered in the calmest possible voice, throwing a million of my affairs aimed at our survival, and a couple of poops into the sea abyss.
- And what we gonna do? Can you swim faster? Or we are going back?
Come back - no way, when my body is already raped by heat and salt. There are only two ways we could swim faster: I can start farting into the water at an angle to compensate for lateral current. Or we can use my lips as a sail, after the anaconda's ass they will fit. Or...
- Baby, can you give me a rhythm? I would stop thinking about that buzzing thing and and focus on speed.
- How much inspiring it must be?
- So much that we can survive!
- Eeeevery niiiight in my dreams I seeeee you, I feeeel you (original song)
- No!No!No! Next!
- Pam... Pam-Pam-Pam... Pam-Pam-Pam... You must fight just to keep them alive It's THE... EYE OF THE TIGER! (original song)
- Here we go!
Well, now you understand why I wanted her to become my wife. Focusing on the rhythm, sometimes confusing where I should inhale and where to exhale, tearing even those muscles that I never knew about, and thinking that it was much harder for Sylvester Stallone to play all these doubles of beating in the ring than for me to save our asses... we made it! After 20 minutes we got to the checkpoint. Having missed the cruise ship by about 10,000 miles.
This pile of sand turned out to be perfect. Clean sand, many corals with different living creatures and no one around. We swam a little, kicked sea cucumbers, shocked the fish with our sexy and young bodies and swam back. The way home was much easier, this time the current of poseidon was pushing me quite strongly and a little flirtatiously in the groin.
Why didn't I propose right away? Where do you think I should have hidden the ring while wearing only speedos? That's right...
After 3 days, when I finally regained my breath, tanned enough, and stopped being a miser, I went to the boat station. It was good news to know that its owner was our fellow countryman. And one more thing- they also did the work of lifeguards on this beach. So the conversation was a little uncomfortable, when he found out where we were sailing.
- So to that island over there, right? Three days ago, some assholes swam there on a garbage bag. I noticed them too late when they were coming back. These land rats are damn lucky. I think they're from your hotel...
- Oh, my God, seriously !? This is unacceptable, it is unsafe and reckless! What strange people, they just could rent a boat only for $10!
He looked at me with that suspicious look of an old sea wolf. You know, when even the saliva in your mouth becomes like seawater.
- Don't tell me, son. These drunk Russians, And I'm sure it was the Russians, make me age much faster than I would like. Especially when they are willing to pay only $20 for rent.
- However, they make this place more fun. Maybe if the rent was only $15, they would be able to take a boat ride instead of drinking.
I confidently used the old trick of any salesman - I looked between his eyes, right in the place where his eyebrow grows together. If he had a parrot, I would look at a parrot… The auction was a success.
This time we were ready, a week's supply of water, sun hats, and a pocket in my swimming trunks, where the cherished wedding ring lay. And so, we set off from the shore, towards our new relationship.
- Honey!
- Yeap?
- Are you rowing?
- Nope.
- Because I'm a strong enough man to do it myself and you love me?
- Exactly! Do you need a rhythm?
- Nope.
I haven't say, that the beating of my heart, when I'm thinking about her, is the best rhythm that leads me forward. And of course that day she answered YES.
Perhaps, Monday is not such a bad day when you have such memories, and the islands ahead to which you can swim to the rhythm of love...
I just died laughing at so many parts of your story. Wonderful way to remember a Monday (worst day ever). Really great post.
I'm glad that it lifted your mood. I sincerely thank you for stopping, I really appreciate it! :)
You're welcome, really enjoyable. You write well!
Yay! 🤗
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