The practice of Stoicism

in #life4 years ago

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I always found Greek philosophy to be really interesting. It portrayed a type of thinking that I wasn't really used to before. I saw philosophy as this realization that there are multiple ways to think, multiple ways to look at life and experience it, that can be deliberately learned and developed by studying and actively trying to change your thoughts about things.

I have read about Aristotle, about Plato, about Socrates, but I never actually paid any attention to the philosophies they practiced. It was cool to read about such amazing people that lived in the past, and about the things they achieved in their life, but I never actually learned about their work, about what they did and what they left for future generations.

That changed around a year ago when I got hired at a local job, as a salesman. I sucked at the job, and I still do. I'm not a salesman by nature. I don't like to talk to people. I'm the quiet type and I enjoy spending most of my time inside my head, daydreaming, not looking for opportunities to sell or convince people that the product I'm selling is worth their money.

And because of that, I started feeling miserable.

Having to deal with clients who felt entitled to all kind of extra bonuses and products just because they paid an insignificant amount of money to the company I work for, or having to spend 15 minutes convincing a client that they need to buy the product I'm selling, no matter how little sense it made, or having to work with software that didn't work most of the time, and see how I was slowly getting frustrated because I couldn't do my job since the company I work for is greedy and doesn't care about investing in quality software to work with, all that made me more and more miserable every day.

Loving to read, I decided, after a few months at that job, to actually do something with the time that I don't spend actively working (like when I need to wait for clients), and read, instead of wasting that time doing nothing.

I thought about what kind of book to read, and I stumbled upon one called "How to Be a Stoic" by Massimo Pigliucci. I wouldn't be able to tell you exactly why I chose this particular book, but I did. And once I got it, in PDF format, I uploaded it on my phone.

After that, whenever I got free time at work, I would take my phone and read a few sentences, a few paragraphs, sometimes even an entire chapter before having to actually work.

And that's how I started learning about philosophy. And that's what I wanna talk about today.


Disclaimer

I'm just gonna tell you now, so you know what to expect - I'm not gonna waste your time with information like where was Stoicism "founded", who were the most popular stoics or what certain people achieved using Stoicism.

You can search for all that information yourself. You can literally find it everywhere on the Internet, and I don't want to waste your time with that like others have wasted mine. I choose to skip over this part rather than to fill half my post with information that you can literally find on Wikipedia.

Another important things I want to point out is that I'm still studying Stoicism, since it is the first philosophy I started being interested in, and therefore I don't, as of right now, have a good understanding of other philosophies. I will learn about something other than Stoicism in the future, but not right now.

With that out of the way, let's move to the next section.


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The default mind

It's really easy to never think about your mind, about the way you think, about there being other ways you could look at things in life in order to improve yourself or to live more peacefully.

A lot of people go through life never having to think about that. They wake up, they go to their bathroom, they eat, they go to work, they come home, they go to sleep, and, whenever they have free days, they do all that again without the working part. Maybe in their free time they play videogames or they watch a bunch of movies or a few seasons from a TV show.

Whatever they do, they don't have to think about life nor about the way they experience it. They just do, because they just are, and they don't have to worry about being.

None of us have.

That is, in my opinion, the "default" way of being. We just live. We just do. We don't necessarily think about the how, and the why behind the way we think. We just think and that's it.

Philosophy adds a little bit of consciousness in this default thinking, and puts a little bit of focus into the process itself, into the way we see and react to things, and that can create quite a change in the way you live our life.

In the next few sections I'm gonna talk a bit about how Stoicism influenced my day to day life, and maybe I will increase your interest when it comes to this philosophy.


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If it's out of your control, it's not worth your time

This is one of the first things that got my attention when it comes to Stoicism. It's a topic that is talked about in many books about this philosophy, and it's the main thing I started doing that greatly improved my time at my workplace.

Worrying and focusing on things that you cannot control is not only useless, but it's also a huge waste of energy and an easy way to ruin your day.

In my particular case, worrying about clients who believe they are entitled to free things just because they exist, or trying to reason with a client who cannot understand why he has to pay more than he has been told, even though the extra money he has to pay came from a mistake of his, is futile.

Getting frustrated when the software I have at work doesn't work because the company refuses to invest into decent software or to hire capable developers who could take care of the programs we work with, so we don't have to lose clients because they get tired of waiting for our system to come back online so we can do our job also doesn't help.

Trying to reason with superiors who embrace negation like their life depended on it, who refuse to see the bad in the way the company does things and blames the employees for anything that doesn't work the way they think things should, is also a waste of time and energy.

There are a lot, an enormous amount of things that you simply cannot change, no matter how much you try. There are a lot of things in this life that are simply out of your control, and will remain like that no matter what you do.

I remember an example from the book "Are you indispensable?" written by Seth Godin, in which the author talks about flight turbulence, and how at first, he was afraid of those unpleasant moments, and how he acted as if he could somehow control the plane with his will, like the fate of the plane relied on his desire for things to be okay.

Once he realized that no matter what he does, the outcome will be what it will be, he stopped worrying about the turbulence and he just tried to relax. The fate of the plane wasn't up to him, just like a lot of things aren't up to you on your day to day life.

This is how the "If it's out of my control, it's not worth my time" mentality became a big part of my day to day living. I try to consciously think about the things that happen to me, and I constantly ask myself if I can change what happens, if there is any way I could influence an outcome or the state of the situation.

If the answer is negative, then I stop worrying or caring about that particular thing. I just mind my own business and do my own thing. It's not worth wasting time and energy on something that will never change no matter how much I try.

If the answer is positive, then I focus on what I need to do to change or influence the outcome or state of the situation.

This kind of mentality is the main thing that's been helping me to deal with work, with annoying clients or annoying people in general.


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Delay acting on your feelings

I think that anyone who has to deal with clients understands how it feels to want to punch a client in the face. Or yell at them. Or just insult them and go home.

Same thing could be said about those of us who have to deal with an annoying boss.

We feel anger and frustration, but we delay acting based on those feelings. We try to keep things for ourselves and hide our feelings from other people. It's not necessarily because we fear sharing them, or because we are afraid of socializing and sharing our thoughts.

It's just that it makes more sense to keep those type of feelings for ourselves, because we have a lot more to gain from that than we'd have from sharing them or acting based on them.

The same could be said about a lot of other feelings.

Happiness. Sadness. Desperation. Desire.

We all experience those, and we all act based on some of those feelings or thoughts.

That's okay.

There's a general idea that is shared online and in a lot of places that Stoicism is about becoming this zombie-like person who doesn't feel, who doesn't react, who just exists to work and fulfill some "social duty" that no one cares about.

That's not what Stoicism is about. It's not about killing your feelings or about never being happy. It's about making your life better. And sometimes, feelings like frustration or anger can make your life worse.

I try to delay my feelings, no matter what they are.

When I do something good, I feel happy, but I try not to be loud about it. When something bad happens, and I get angry, I keep quiet and try not to show it. When I'm frustrated, I try to occupy my time with something productive that keeps my mind busy. Or I play something. Or I watch something.

Acting based on your feelings isn't always the best thing to do. Sometimes it's exactly what you should be doing, but as a general rule, it's better to delay your feelings, especially the bad ones, and reflect upon them at a later time, when you're alone and in silence.

Why did that particular thing made you angry?

Why did that thing frustrate you?

Why did that thing made you happy?

Why did that thing made you sad?

Those are questions that, in my opinion, should be asked later, after the event passed, when you're alone and have the time to think about the answer.

Sometimes your anger is justified, but others might not think the same. So, your reaction based on your anger can be perceived as wrong, and you may be punished for it.

Sometimes, something happens that makes you extremely happy, but those around you don't see the situation the way you do, and your reaction to it may be considered rude by others.

The examples can keep going.

Switching off your emotions is not advisable. But delaying them and reflecting upon them can be, sometimes, good.

Dealing with annoying customers, annoying superiors, annoying situations or being happy that certain things happen at work that may be considered bad by others, especially my superiors, all those feelings, if exposed, would've made me appear weird or "bad" to some.

Delaying those feelings and keeping them for myself proved to be the right thing to do most of the time. It still proves to be the best thing to do.


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Work towards becoming a better person

From what I've read about Stoicism so far, it seems that those who practiced this philosophy in the past did it in order to live a better life.

Everyone has a definition for what a "good life" is. And there's a lot I could write about when it comes to what all the books I've read about Stoicism say a "good life" is.

However, one thing I would like to focus on is becoming a better person, a person I'd like to be around. This can make life good not only for you, but for others as well. It can also make you feel good about yourself.

It's not always gonna be easy. Actually, it's gonna be hard most of the time. But trying your best to do the right thing, even when doing the opposite could result in something good for you, seems to be a goal worth chasing.

Examples for this could be trying to be fair, even when not being fair would work in your advantage, never stealing, not even a small amount of anything, not trying to trick people or, if you need to do it, trying to somehow balance things by offering something else in return.

Trying not to yell at someone for making a mistake, realizing that you could've done the same mistake, is a good example.

Another one is realizing that while you may find others to be annoying, others may find you annoying as well. Trying to stop from doing things that may annoy others could improve your relationships with some people.

Staying late at work in order to help one of your colleagues, even when you don't have to do it, even when you're tired and you really want to go home, could both improve your relationship with your colleague and make you feel better about doing something nice.

I could give you a lot of other examples, but you get the point. Doing the right thing, especially when that will not always work in your advantage, could help you live a better life by helping you change your opinion about yourself.

Maybe you could refer to this as "morality", as being a "moral" person, but then you'd start to think "what is moral?" and you'd spend more time thinking about it, than being it.

So, just do good. It will make your life good too.


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Imperfection is the standard

There are a lot of things I could write about when it comes to Stoicism, but talking about all of them in a single article would mean that nobody would read it.

So, I'd like to mention one last thing before I end this post.

When you look at a movie, no matter what type of movie it is, you know everything is scripted. We all know everything is scripted. We know that the movie was created and directed by someone, and that the people in it are actors who are executing specific orders so they can create a character and play the role they need to play.

Yet, when we look at a movie, or a TV show, we relate to what the characters in that movie or show do. We related to what they are. And for as long as the movie or episode lasts, we tell ourselves that those characters are real. Even if we know, internally, they are not, we are willingly believing they are.

That's what makes them so entertaining.

But there's one thing that we also believe, which is the fact that their perfection should also be our perfection.

We look at movies and shows, sometimes YouTube videos, and we see one shot that was perfectly calculated and done dozens of times, one shot that looks perfect for us, and we take that as the "reality". If it's not a shot, it's an action, a piece of story, a thinking method, something.

And little by little we start to believe that the reality in the movie we watch should also be our reality.

We start to believe that we should be as smart as the character we saw. Why is he or she different than us, after all? Why can't we be just as mart?

We start to believe that we should be as courageous as the character we saw.

We start to believe that the things we do must be just like the things our favorite character does. And if the character does it on his or her first try, then we should be able to do the same.

Little by little we start to live under the impression that the perfection of those characters, or even people, of those in movies, TV shows or YouTube videos, should also be our perfection.

It isn't, and it's probably never gonna be.

Reading about Stoicism won't make you a stoic. Nor practicing it will. You will probably never be a perfect stoic, if that's what you'll try to achieve.

And you'll probably never be able to perfectly apply the lessons learned in the books you read.

I fail often. I often get angry with things I know I can't control, and yet, even if I'm aware of that, I still get more and more angry.

I often get annoyed with people and I stop caring whether I'm being annoying as well. All I see are those who are annoying to me and nothing else.

I fail often because I'm imperfect, and so is my mind and my mentality.

I cannot perfectly apply the lessons I learn about stoicism, unlike the characters in the books I read, or the movies I watch. They are perfect because they are made to be so. I am not, and neither are you.

So, if you decide to practice stoicism, or any philosophy at all, expect to fail a lot. Expect your mind to return to its default settings and do whatever it did before, disregarding the lessons you so much try to implement in your life.

You will fail and it's not a matter of "if", but "when".

Therefore, you will have to make imperfection your reality, and get rid of the perfection you set as a standard for yourself. Accept that you will not be able to control yourself sometimes, or your feelings or your thoughts, and then keep going, trying to be your best version.

That is, in my opinion, how you practice a philosophy. Stoicism, at least.


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Learning and living - Conclusion

I could spend a long time talking about Stoicism, and what I think I know about this philosophy. But you're probably never gonna learn too many things from it. I'm still learning myself, and I've got a lot to learn, believe me.

But the little I discovered so far, I liked, and it made my life better, easier, livable. A lot of the misery I felt before, is gone now. Some is still there, but it's manageable.

Philosophy, not only Stoicism, can help you a lot. I didn't pick Stoicism because I thought it's the best philosophy. I just stumbled upon it. I'm sure there are others just as good, if not better.

But it did help me a lot, and, who knows, it may help you.

You don't have to read about it in order to change your life, or to apply the lessons I try to apply. You can do it out of pure curiosity.

The important part is that there are different ways of thinking, different ways of looking at life, and we don't even think about some of them. We just live with our default mindset, sometimes unaware that there are some custom settings hidden within it that can make some things better, if not at least different, in a good way.

Hope you liked the article, and who knows, maybe I made you curious about Stoicism. If that's the case, I really recommend the book I mentioned at the beginning of the article, "How to Be a Stoic - Massimo Pigliucci" , and also "The Daily Stoic" by Ryan Holiday.

That's it. Have a nice day!

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