You wasted your time on a relationship that brought you only tears and lack of self worth. You realized that actual relationships needs hard work from both parties to work out and that the fantasy is not the same as reality in terms of fulfillment and happiness. No one told you how the events would unfold once the honey moon phase is over. After this phase is over, the fun actually begins, since each party can not fake it anymore and they go back to their normal human selfs. Since humans have many faults, they can not be perfect at all times just for a relationship. When the dirt comes out, each ask the question of whether they are happy or not in this relationship and the answer is big hard "No". This is because they jumped into the relationship based on the previously carved facts in the mind about how an ideal man or a woman should be. The fact that each act based on these stereotypes of male and female, will brings many relationships down to the gutter and what is left of it is the good memories of the honey moon phase, which doesn't go away after the break up. You have to have a strategy to deal with these sorts of relationships when they happen and shock you in the face. The best strategy is to go back to the start of the honey moon phase and determine its beginning, then determine when it was finished (the finished line). that is when problems started to resurface. Naturally you want to be in the honey moon phase, but sadly those days are over and they will never come back because something is lost, which is hope for the fantasy that was never to last. So, now think about how much fun was it to be with this woman or man? how did they made you feel at this time? did you ever suspect that they were not themselves when they were in a relationship with you?. When you find out a moment when you suspected that this relationship will never succeed and that the honey moon phase is infested with lies, thing will become clear that you should have never been in this relationship in the fist place and it wasn't meant to be. Think about this moment a lot and find out other moments similar to this one and make a collection of moments in the honey moon phase that the person was guilty of lying to you and faking his or her love for you. This will make you feel better the longer you do it.
Eventually, you will come to realize that the fantasy is different from reality. In reality, there is no magical relationship and once you understand that, your world become magical in a different way and you realize that each failed relationship took a bit of your hope for getting a successful relationship and now when you find someone who wants to actually be with you for who you really are, you realize that you have to fix so many things about yourself that your past relationship didn't even require you to do. This is the moment that you realize that this relationship is changing you for the better and this is the one you should keep. Some times, people sabotage this good relationships on their own because they are no ready for a serious one and then become heart breaking again and recovering from such relationships are actually more difficult, because you realize that you did find the one you were looking for but you weren't ready.
When things doesn't work out, and the fact that when you see a happy couple, it goes on your nerve and you feel all kinds of weird emotions and memories related to your past relationship, are not entirely good for your mental health. This is the time that you should take action to sort this problem out otherwise it will follow you like a shadow because apparently your soul needs it and no matter how long you push it, it will always come back in full effect to bother you. don't be sad when you see you past lover with another, since this indicates that their shortcomings are better matched with that person than you.
Try to write down your wants and needs from a relationship and act according to that to find a better person that suites you. Write down the reason why your past relationships didn't work out. Was it your fault or the other person's or both?. The fact is you won't be happy until you find an exact match to your needs. Sometimes you are not even knowing what your wants and needs are and you discover them through your past failed relationship, so they happen for a reason. Sometime it becomes too late and you get exhausted about it or less hopeful. Don't fall into the trap of hopelessness because that's what you will get : a hopeless relationship that doesn't go anywhere.
Meet as many people as you can based on your list of wants and needs and at the sign of no incompatibility have the courage to dismiss them to make space for your potential candidates for a love relationship to come around. The one important skill to master is to determine the liars. People lie a lot to get what they want and they play games to achieve their purposes. Don't fall for it and avoid being a victim. Learn how to master the art of controlling these liars and prevent them from infesting you with this disease. When you find people who are honest with themselves, you feel comfortable to share your emotions freely in their presence and they don't judge you because these people don't have the insecurities the liars have. They are comfortable in their own skin and they will make you comfortable in yours.
These people have certain characteristics that sets them apart from other people. They don't expect you to be ideal and they accept you the way you are with all your insecurities. They know that overcoming insecurities is hard job and encourage you to take it slowly, so that we all develop as human beings. They are usually calmly deal with issues of anger and sadness and they try to take control of the situation by managing their own emotions. They don't throw tantrums just to make a point, they plan carefully and with a clear mind of what to do to help the situation and remove the obstacle, so they can solve the problem. They usually know what society expects of them to act according to a certain set of rules. They find other ways around it, so that they reach their goals without resorting to anger and sadness or failure. They learn from the mistakes of others and they study them carefully to not fall into any traps.
I appreciate your upvote and resteem and would be glad to read about your opinions in the comment section.
Images used in this article: 1,2,3,4,5
If you liked this article, follow me at @soulandspirit.
Check out my recent articles here:
How to Turn Your Weakness to Strength
Are You A Watcher?
Are Sneaky People More Successful?
Are You Having Trouble Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone?
Are You Your Worst Critic?
Ufff! How romantic 😍😍
Posted using Partiko Android
thanks for reading
Posted using Partiko Android
Posted using Partiko Android
Beautiful write up :)
I myself have fallen victim to this mentality:
Me and my girlfriend at the time were travelling around Australia and Asia when we both turned 21. We had been in a relationship for a year before that, and when we came back home we both decided to study at the same university (bad bad mistake, I'd say never set your goals around another person like that, always try to be happy for yourself FIRST).
I was deeply in love with that woman and had made plans in my head to ask her, whether she wanted to marry me after the second semester. Well, things turned out different (as they mostly do in life). I got very sick from stress of university and feeling the pressure of an already crumbling relationship, lost 15kg body weight in 3 months when she decided to dump me for another guy from university.
After that I fell into a deep depression, cancelled my studies and basically dwelled in my basement for the next 3 years, contemplating all my life choices and whether it was my fault the whole thing turned out that way. I think at this point in time (still being young, not knowing where you belong in life) it really hurt to get dropped like a hot smelly egg.
But at some point I realized that wasting away my precious twenties would not make the situation better, I guess it was when I first decided to stop smoking weed everyday and got a clear head of thinking again, that I realized how much joy you can get from just living for yourself and working on your goals..
But to this day, I still feel a little bit frustrated as to how things turned out after everything being so perfect. When she told me that she had cheated on me with this guy, a world broke and since that day it is very hard for me to trust anyone, like I did before. I hope with time that feeling will pass and I will hopefully find happiness again!
Reading your text made me think about that there are hundreds of thousands of people that have gone through a similiar bad time, and it has to be possible to turn things around for yourself and still find a valuable partner for life, but is it really?
I see so many of my peers in my age just f*cking around and having casual sex rather than building a relationship to that person, and that is just not for me. I sometimes feel like I'm just a little bit different to many people around me, but maybe that is just my subjective way and what has happened to me :P
Looking forward to your next essay :)
Really quality topics and writing all along, wonder why you don't have more followers, commentators and active readers. Let's change that!
Thank you so much for taking the time and writing your experience. I don't have many followers, I need support to spend time and write what I have in mind. I have many ideas that I would like to share. I got sad reading about your experience and I know many people with similar experiences.
The way love works is very complicated and many guys don't know how girls manipulate them. I have some aticles that I wrote about manioulation and the dark current of love that I didnt post because I saw that my previous ones didnt get the attention they deserve. I need to increase my following base and hopefullt people will read my articles and what I have to offer.
depression after break up is normal but you can control it and love is not all tendernerness, you have to be tender on the outside but strict on the inside and you have to protect your heart at all cost. dont give it so cheaply to one who doesnt deserve it and didnt earn it. When something is offered to people without them earning it, they take it for granted. Love needs the excitement that our shadow selfs feeds on, without it, the love will die down and the person looks elsewhere to feed it. I have written articles about that in draft form, I will publish them as soon as i gain more followers. Also, I can write an article about how girls manipulate guys, the techniques they use and how to keep the spark alive and so on and also how to avoid being the victim in relationships and protecting your heart, because once the heart is broken, it takes many years for it to go back to normal and if you make the same mistake again, you will lose hope completely and that's not good.
I wish you all the best and success in life.
Yeah, I think that is one big issue with this platform. I have for example invested several hours of writingand research for my last post,but "only" received 0.12$ in compensation.
But I think, that is not really what matters to me. As I see it, I created value to someoneelse because I warned them to use something that would be bad for them. And yes, some people have racted to that and cancelled said service. So in the end, I didn't receive any monetary gain but helped someone else. I'm sure if you do that often enough, people will realize the value you bring to that chain and you will also get the monetary value at a later point in time (Atleast I hope so, lol).
You are telling the truth and I guess could help a lot of men, to realize that they get manipulated. Since that experience happened to me, I have been involved with a lot of "red-pill" content, and yes I'm now aware of hypergamy and how partners manipulate each other. I think more people need to know about it hough, and that is where you come in with value for this blockchain and it's users ;)
Please, I would love to read your next articles and will also resteem them, so that they can be seen by more people. Don't lose the motivation just yet ;)
"When something is offered to people without them earning it, they take it for granted. Love needs the excitement that our shadow selfs feeds on, without it, the love will die down and the person looks elsewhere to feed it
I love that part especially, very true.
I think I'm now at a point where my heart has healed enough, so that it can give and receive love again, but it has been a very tough journey. And I guess with the right tools it shouldn't take you as long as it took me (5 years), that is why content like yours is important.
Have a great day, and best of success to you too. Expect me in your comments and to resteem your quality posts. I wish I was a whale to give you more of a boost.
Thanks for your thoughtful comments. Yes, money doesnt matter but at least I expect people to read and that comes with followers and on top of writing a good article, you have to spend time promoting it which prevent you from writing more articles. Thank you for offering to resteem my posts. That is really kind of you. If I know my article helped someone truly that is the greated prize and for that I need readers. I am glad that you helped people with your article and made a difference. That is power of words and free expression gives one a feeling of freedom that is not compared to anything. No, I don't lose motivation and thank you for encouraging me to continue.I am glad to hear that your heart has healed. be careful with it, because the second heart break is more devastating. Just be happy and live your life. Love will come along. Don;t focus on negativity or it will consume you. Good Luck to you too. It was a nice conversation we had here. I liked it very much. Thank you for your attention.
I enjoyed this conversation, likewise!
Hope you're getting back to writing soon, as I recommended you for curation in this topic:
Thank you so much @criticalthinking. Yes, I am writing!. I will soon publish some stuff I wrote, Just edit them a bit.
Congratulations @soulandspirit! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
You can view your badges on your Steem Board and compare to others on the Steem Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness to get one more award and increased upvotes!