Two ears and one mouth - not a coincidence

in #life4 years ago

Every day we communicate with each other. We search for human interactions and we want to share our feelings and thoughts. Not only do we want to share what's on our minds, but it also feels important to be understood. But, if you want others to understand and listen to you, it is important to listen to them and understand them first.

How can that be done? To understand people, you need to quick to listen and slow to speak. It is not a coincidence that we are blessed with two ears and "only" one mouth!

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So how can we get better at listening?

In order to be a good listener, we have to first listen, but there are different ways in which you can listen. When we want to understand someone and when we want to truly put ourself in the situation of somebody, we have to open our heart, we have to put all our judgments aside in order to be able to get what the other tries to explain us. To see the others' problems and the situation they have to deal with, we have to first understand them and then, when we do that, we can start helping by being there, with our presence and that we show true interest in their issue.

A lot of times it is hard to see the real issue because we try to jump right to the solution without really listening (a very typical male problem). We try to give advice without honestly trying to understand the other, but to understand them we have to see their worries from their point of view.

We see their problems through our experiences and we see everything that we experience from our own perspective. It is totally normal, but it isn't ideal. Instead, we need to stop focusing on ourselves,s and rather change our perspective to that one who is speaking to us.

How can we improve our listening skills?

The most important is, that we try to listen to exactly what the other wants to share with us. Because in order to get to know someone's problem we have to listen and understand and we need to have empathy for the struggles the other have. We have to understand the emotions of the individual, the emotions that have such a big influence on our lives, and how they feel.

We have to try to use our empathy to assure the other that we are there for them, that they can trust us, because to share these feelings with someone is, in fact, intimate. As we do not like sharing our fears, weaknesses, and struggles, it puts us in a weak and vulnerable position. As a result, it is important that we understand the responsibility of this, if we want to be good listeners.

If we want to improve the situation, it is a minimum to be trustworthy, as the one who has the problem has to be sure, that we can be trusted. Without honesty and trust, the relationship and the communication between the two parties will never be fruitful.

When we manage to gain trust and we manage to change our perspective we will be able to enter the world of the others. We will understand how they see it, what kind of struggles they have, and we will also have the ability to feel what they feel. Being emphatic does not mean that we agree with something, but it means that we are there and we try to put ourselves in the situation of the other only to understand it better what they feel and think.

The value, the capability and the use of listening

To share our thoughts and emotions with someone, we need to be brave and we have to have the courage to do that. It is something truly intimate, private, and personal. We have to trust someone to open up and we have to be aware of what we want to share and with who we want to share it.

To listen to someone's problem and to try to find a solution to it, is a truly huge responsibility.

So I think the first step to being a good listener is to listen and to understand. We have to use our empathy and try to imagine ourselves in a given situation. When we can do that, we can concentrate on going deeper and we can try to reformulate what we heard to our own language.

When we do that we can better understand the situation because it means that we think about the issue and that we are interested in the solution. The last thing that can be essential to be a better listener is when we try to mirror the emotions of the others, we have to feel their feelings, to try to figure it out, why they feel the way they do.

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A Good listener - Source

Why is it important to listen? It is important because we are human beings and we live with each other, we share this Earth, we share our lives and we also have to work and deal with each other.

If we want our relationships to work, if we want to get on with our relatives, with our friends, colleagues, and bosses, it is crucial that we know not only how we should talk with each other, but we have to learn to listen and to understand properly in order to handle different situations. The only way we can help each other is if we look at the real problem, and to do that we have to put our judgments and our thoughts away, we have to concentrate on the one, who tries to share their struggle.

Sometimes all we have to do is to listen. We do not have to find the solution, we just have to be there, because sometimes only just to talk about our worries and struggles helps us to see clearly, to see the problem from another point of view. Sometimes it can be such a huge help and relief when we can just share the things that are so heavy on our hearts. This is also true in marriage in which the wires often just want to share their own thoughts and problems, but even before she has started her second sentence, the husband is thinking about a solution. The truth is, however, that the wife doesn't want a solution, she just wants someone to listen to her!

So listen and understand someone to help to make their life a little bit easier and making yours a little bit happier.

What is your experience?

I am a man, and I am not a good listener, but I know that I should try to develop my skills and turn into a better listener. It is really hard because I always want to turn to the solution, even before the sentence of the other person has been finished. And, since I consider myself to be an easy person, I always project that to the others around me.

What about you? Are you a good listener? Do you need to improve your listening skills?

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This is an original article written by me for Project Hope!