Everyone of us had been broken before. We’ve all been there - the wet pillows, swollen eyes, runny nose and the heartbreak playlist on repeat. We all want to feel secure in a relationship. We hated to feel what we’ve felt before. And so ladies developed this special talent of overthinking. The slight change of tone in messages, the lacking of emojis in chat, the random dead air and foghorns in video calls, and even the time your internet connection got lost, dude the girl you are dating probably had noted all these! I know you’re almost fed up but please maybe you should understand her more and listen to the unspoken words beneath her rash attitude. So here’s an open letter to all men who are now dating an overthinker.
She had a terrible heartbreak story that you probably have heard a dozen times yet you pursued her. She told you she hates being lied to yet you’re not confronting her with all truth. She wanted to trust you, believe me, she really wants to. But somehow she’s always scared. So how do you really deal with an overthinker? Dude, here’s three common scenarios when dating an overthinker and how to deal with them.
Disclaimer: Please do not rely on this 100% because all girls may seem similar yet so different and so it’s you who can truly weigh things out. I’m just here to give you some insights from an overthinker herself, me.
1. When you’re both online yet do not chat each other
If you’ve been together quite some time, you would not chat each other every minute. And it’s perfectly normal. But your girl is taking note of it. Girls have this very unique talent of detailing and connecting the dots. Example, she sees you online and she notices you’ve been quite active reacting to facebook posts. She’ll take note of that. No, she won’t nag at you just because of that but be ready because she will probably bring that up to you sooner or later. She’s not okay scrolling the toxic FB newsfeed, she’s online hoping that you’ll notice and chat her first.
What to do? Just leave a message. Let her know about what you’re doing. Send updates. She would appreciate it and it would lessen her anxieties. And take note, if you just chat her from time to time, you will avoid an unwanted fight over such a petty thing.
2. When you react on somebody else’s post/story
Oh boy, girls are way smarter than you ever think. They are the best in stalking! So she’ll know every move you’re making. Hahaha! This is not an exaggeration because your girl is probably down to the 100th female friend on your facebook account. She had scrolled down to the least most-likely you’re gonna go out with. And if she’ll find out any suspicious act, save your ass a.s.a.p.! But wait, there’s more. Prepare for a bigger fight if you did this and didn’t even react on her posts or stories. Now, you’re dead! Hahaha
What to do? Well, that’s easy actually. If she’s jealous and overthinks so much about everything you do on facebook. Delete your account! Hahaha! Kidding aside! Dude, you just have to let her feel you’re still interested in her. That you still check on her stories and her posts. She would not mind if you react on somebody else’s as long as you still show to her that she matters to you.
3. When she keeps on comparing you to her exes
“You’re just the same asshole as my ex!” Or “You know what, I was wrong about you, you are exactly just the same like the other guys!” Familiar? Hahaha ofcourse! She never really wanted to mean it but somehow out of her disappointment she feels like it’s true that you’re just the same asshole that’s breaking her apart. She wanted you to be different. She wanted you to not hurt her. So please don’t dismiss her when she says stuff like that. She just wants you to prove her wrong.
What to do? Like I said, prove her wrong. Show to her why she chose you over other guys. Discuss her insecurities and then reassure her. The big no-no is when you get mad at her after she showed her disappointment to you. Don’t ever do that.
I know it’s difficult to date an overthinker but when you get to understand her you’ll be surprised by how easy it is to make her happy. Do not wish that she’ll stop overthinking without you reassuring her because the moment she stops overthinking is the moment you lost her. Unless otherwise, she did stop overthinking because you finally treated her right.
Dear men, no girl wanted to be an overthinker. So please bear with her a little longer. Understand where she’s coming from. Know that her fragile heart had been broken many times before. Show her the consistency and patience you had when you first asked her out. You will then be surprised on her willingness to go the extra mile for you. Appreciate her often, let her know that you’re not gonna slip away, comfort her, support her, and she’ll return all that love to you a hundred fold.
This has been @nikkabomb saying, "Believe an overthinker when she says she loves you. You should know that she had thought it through a million times."
Nikka Ganzan Paraguya Mededa, the author
I was destined to be a successful civil engineer but my heart belongs to literature. And if I have learnt something from the past years of struggles, it is maybe this - "Sometimes a leap of faith is what you need in order to find happiness. Because if you are not to become a happy person, then what's the purpose of life then?".
I tried working in an industry with the use of my maximum skills in my chosen field and I was earning big (bigger than what I expected), yet I was not happy. In between those times, I found deeper and stronger interest in my first and second love - writing and photography.
And so here I am, in my little corner in the blockchain. I hope you had a good read and check out more here ---> @nikkabomb. Lovelots.