The Story of White Puffer Jacket

in #mywartimediary8 months ago (edited)


The past week was quite stressful. Nobody died, nothing like that. Although, sometimes I feel like any strong emotion even a good one can be a stress for me.

So. The owners of the company I work for decided to fire some of the staff in order to reduce expenses. 10 people. It was sudden and unexpected. The director convened a meeting and made an announcement. But! We weren't told who these people are, and the 15 minutes I was guessing if I was among them was like a little slow death.


But the story started a couple of weeks before when I was at the lowest point of another emotional swing. My information immunity is now weakened, and therefore a single conversation with a colleague caused another emotional breakdown.

When trying to get out I realized that I needed a break. Not just a break from work, but a time that will be filled with good emotions, rest and peace. Every day I started going to talk to my manager about a week's vacation or so, but after all, never talked to him about this.

But anyway, where to get good emotions while my country is at war? What can bring joy and make me feel good?

I need ... a walk? Doesn't help. Drink? Certainly not. Travel somewhere? Too complicated... And all of a sudden ... I need a white jacket!


Now you know what's happening in a woman's head. LOL. Anyway, the puzzle is complete! I got a tear in my warm winter parka recently. This place is on the back, covered by the hood. So there are a few options - don't wear a hood, don't care about my look, repair it or throw away. The thing is February is the coldest month of winter in Ukraine, so I need another jacket to change. Besides, I bought it at least 10 years ago.

Another thing I realized is that I haven't bought clothes for a long time - a couple of years. First, there was covid, and we all stayed at home. Then I had to pay for two expensive surgeries for my mother. Then came the time of the mortgage, and next came the war.

I'm done! I'm sick of dark colors and dark living. Black, gray, and brown. I. NEED. WHITE.

I spent 2 weeks hesitating, trying to give up, weighing the pros and cons, struggling with the price (I had no idea how much it costs, and was a bit surprised...), calculating, and searching. Every time I left the house, I felt guilty about putting on a torn jacket.

Sometimes, my sneaky inner voice whispered to me: "- Are you crazy? White gets dirty quickly. Is it right to spend money on clothes during the war? A puffer coat is not cheap. Wouldn't it be better to donate that money to where there is a bigger need? What if a rocket destroys your house tomorrow? What if someone suddenly gets sick and needs money for treatment? You won't get out of debt if you spend money like that." This voice was driving me crazy...

In the end, my husband found a convincing argument and said - go and buy it! He is the best part of me.😆



So, that morning I went and bought myself a white puffer jacket.❤️😍👑 I felt so good, like back in peaceful times. I even took a taxi using a 45% off promo code. Ah, luxury life... 😂 And a few hours later, I was chastising myself for these expenses, wondering if I had been fired or not. That's crazy...

No, I wasn't. I'm still on board. But this means more changes and challenges. And perhaps no vacations. Well... not the worst scenario, of course. Enjoy your white jacket, babe!


This post, however, is not merely about the jacket.

Once in a while, I return to the question that is stuck in my mind. I often think that I live but do not live. And I ask myself - what's the point? What I am missing? No recipe. Past life will never return. What does all this shit mean - acceptance, live here and now?

Do not think I don't have an answer. I have thousands of answers! But in the language of math, all those are necessary but not sufficient. I don't feel like living, I feel like existing.

BTW, do you have your answer?


We were aware of the war. We knew that war is death, refugees, destruction, blood, fear, and pain. But we were not told how to live during the war. Live day by day, month by month, year... years? What is it about?

When you tell me I'm strong, I feel like an imposter. For I feel now as weak as ever before. Perhaps, I am strong with the power of your support.

Long, I thought I don't like being around people. Now I force myself to go to the office to be around people. It's encouraging, to say the least. My colleagues are rarely in the office, and only 1 person comes every day. He is so happy when I come, he says that I am like a ray of sunshine. He has no idea that it is only reflected light.

Ah, we have a new joke in Ukraine. Life is like a zebra. Light strip... no light strip.


The lamp made of a vase and a battery-powered garland

Another garland lights up the bathroom

So, how are things here?

We still have scheduled cut-offs of power, but we adapted. Someone's got a generator or Ecoflow. Someone is still waiting for the delivery of Starlink. When I need power or Internet to do my job I go to the office.

When there is no power, the air alarm is almost inaudible. They said that the police would additionally inform about it through a loudspeaker. but this is probably in case of a total blackout.

The curfew is from 11 PM to 5 AM. I like it when it's quiet at night.

The rules that everything must be closed during an air raid have not been canceled. But people are somewhat used to it. Therefore, some services follow it and close, but many continue to work.

During the last shelling of Kyiv, I went to the lab to pass tests. There was no power there plus air raid but they were opened. When I was in the office, we heard an explosion. Do you know what the staff did? She closed the door for visitors and returned to me to finish. She told me not to stand in front of the window. And they also said - "We now work not until the start of air raid but until the first explosion, and then we close. We hide inside because it's too late to go to the shelter either."

Prices are constantly rising. Although, gasoline price has recently dropped from 52 to 50, I wonder for how long.

If we talk about clothes, then about half of the shops are open. I don't know about smaller towns.

The volunteers I work with have similar feelings to me. Up and down... Devaluation of our emotions, needs, and contributions. Losses, losses... It's hard to feel. Empathy is hard. But isn't that what makes us human?

Looks like after the war I will become a doctor of philosophy.

Overall, we are waiting. Life is still waiting. Many scare us with a Russian offensive soon. Thus, the worst times might be still ahead. I didn't power down since the beginning of the war. I decided that this is my rainy day insurance. In addition, this is how I can return some value to the community. Although rainy day insurance should probably be cash. I don't know.

Am I ready? I know nothing. If you'd asked me a year ago "Are you ready for a war?" my answer would be "No".

Let's wait till my next post and see.



Although you are on your own in Kyiv, you have Nick by your side and many many friends all over the world. We may not be with you but you are always on our mind.

You hang in there girl and never give up! Most importantly, you have to be there when I come and visit Ukraine after the war!!!! You promised to take me out 😃

By the way, you look great in white, and the jacket is a necessity more than a luxury, so you should not feel bad about buying it 😍

Yes, we are thinking of you often and look forward to your posts and updates. The white puffer jackets is so cute!

The day after the end of the war I will be on the border meeting you 🥰☺❤

"...only 1 person comes every day. He is so happy when I come, he says that I am like a ray of sunshine. He has no idea that it is only reflected light."

Oh, you may not see it, Dear One, but it is there! Even though we have never met in-person and we are thousands of kilometers apart, I can tell you certainly are a ray of sunshine! It is hidden in your words, your attitude, your view about life. It is there, and I find it delightful. 😊

I love your new jacket! It is so pretty and definitely more cheerful than gray, black, or brown! There is something uniquely feminine, too, about white, and it goes with anything! Excellent choice! Maybe you could repair the old one, anyway, and donate it to someone in need. I hope your company can thrive now without having to dismiss any more employees. You are still in the thoughts and prayers of many. ❤️

You are a very good and kind person, dear @thekittygirl.💛 Thanks to you and others, I do not lose faith that there are more good people.

My company promised that they will let us work quietly until the end of the year. And I so much hope to get at least 2 days off to go and see my mom and daughter 💙

You are still in the thoughts and prayers of many.

What I know is that YOU ARE ALWAYS HERE for me 🤗 I appreciate your support more than I can express in words. Thanks a million!


A fascinating, human, reflective post regarding the complexity of living in a war situation... I send my congratulations for your attitude (and that of your husband) and my solidarity with you and all your close people... I also congratulate you for the quality of this publication and its excellent photos!...

!discovery 35


Thank you so much for taking the time and checking my post! I always enjoy your photos!..

You're shining in your new white puffer jacket! Excellent choice!

I spent 2 weeks hesitating, trying to give up, weighing the pros and cons, ...

Oh dear, I feel you so much. Not sure I'm any better at buying clothes.
I spent 2 years before buying a scooter for hiking on vacation. Beat that!
But now that it's done, I (try to) forget about the cons and just enjoy it.
If ever you become a doctor of philosophy, I would love to philosophize with you. Lots of fun ahead! 😉

I hate buying cloth! LOL. Usually, I like one of two - the product or the price.

I spent 2 years before buying a scooter for hiking on vacation. Beat that!

You are dealing with a woman who buys a jacket once in 10 years )) But the clear winner is my mortgage. I have been thinking about it since 2005 and made a decision a few months before the war.😜

I give up. You win! 😞

Don't worry, I'm sure you'll win our philosophical round when we meet again 😉


Can't wait for that moment...
Happy Valentine's day ❤️

I'm glad to know that you are well.
Thank you for the updates as well.
You look great in that white puffer jacket, and I'm glad it brought you some joy!
In church, we always say the intention: "... for the end of the Ukraine war."
Be safe, @zirochka
!LADY 😍🌺🤙

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Thank you, @silversaver888, and all your people!💙💛 This is so important to know.

Oh, I have news about the church! From September 1, the Ukrainian Greek Catholic Church will switch to a new (Gregorian) calendar for celebrating fixed holidays! And Christmas too!


Hey @silversaver888, here is a little bit of BEER from @zirochka for you. Enjoy it!

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No one is ready for a war and those who say they are, don't know what they are talking about. Every war is different and you don't know for how long it will last. These mood swings are normal as you're human and your nerves are not made of steel. So you are a hero. If you would not have these mood swings, you would be a robot. But you are not.

I know the feeling about spending. Even during peace time, you think a few times before spending, if you're a responsible adult. But you did good by buying the jacket. It was needed, so don't feel bad about it.

You're a strong woman, an example to all of us. So don't be afraid to show your emotions.

Stay safe, sending you hugs 🤗😘❤️

I used to be a hesitant and insecure person when it came to buying cloth. I feel better now when I expressed my feelings in a post. 😌😊

I usually like either the product or the price, so it's always a choice or compromise. But now I have to be an even more responsible adult than before. Although, in the end, everything has its bounds.

Your words give me confidence every time. Thanks, dear Erikah!
Hugs! 💛

I'm so pleased you bought your white, puffer jacket. Sometimes you have to think about yourself for a change. Especially now, with the awful situation that you are in. It suits you. I'm very clumsy, so I would just spill something down it!


You are so sweet! Thank you.

Oh, and you're right, this jacket is my new paranoia. After I wore it for the first time, at night I dreamed that a big spot appeared on it, and my husband tried to clean it with a napkin 😏

Ha ha! Look after it. 😀

Nobody is ready for a war, I guess.. but I want to keep this comment positive.

You go girl! You look amazing in your new white jacket! 🙂 Sometimes, it doesn't matter if our purchase is logical, the only thing that matters is that it makes us happy. So I'm happy for you that Nick helped you decide to purchase it 🙂

I hope that next winter you will come visit us and promenade your jacket in Switzerland.

Sending tons of hugs and kisses! 😍

Nobody is ready for a war, I guess..

Yeah, but sometimes people here say "I was prepared, I knew it will happen". No idea what is it actually.

But yes, let's keep it positive! And before my promenade in Switzerland, I hope to meet you at HiveFest 😉 It was probably the best event of the past year 💖


But it doesn't mean that they are ready 🙂 How can you be even ready for something like that?

Yes, yes, yes! Let's see where it will be and if we both can make it. I hope yes! 😘 I agree! We had sooooo much fun!

I miss you 🤗

I miss you too ❤

Sometimes a woman just needs to go do something normal, like go shopping and buy a new jacket. You can still repair the old one and keep it for a spare or for wearing when you know you are going to get dirty.(For me, that would be when I stack firewood, for example.)

I am very satisfied with it, and I definitely need the old one to wear when I will brought this white one to cleaning.

Stacking firewood would be a challenge for a white jacket 😄

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Nice cozy and beautiful. Very good choice for the Jacket.

Thanks for sharing your experience with us!

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I am glad that I am not the only one who talks to the voices in my head. Your husband sounds like a rock. want it? Get it Do it. Fuck the world and live for the moment. Try not to look sad, your face is too beautiful for sadness.


Nice puffa jacket

Це точно, що станеш філософом! :) Хоча, здається, вже стала!)))
А я теж люблю білий одяг і біле взуття!))) Та і рожевий одяг теж...)

I used to have a white puffer jacket back in the 80s my wife said I looked like a golfball with legs, I’m sure she meant well.

Haha, your wife has excellent sense of humor!