Persistent Pete
There is this creature who frequents the library on an almost daily basis. He has unruly blue tinted hair and a pestiferous manner. Honestly, a locust could learn a thing or two from Persistent Pete. He grabs an idea and clings to it with a tenacity, that if he weren't so irritatingly bothersome, I might be struck by a modicum of admiration. Maybe.
But let me start this tale with a bit of reminiscing. A few years back I used to help out our youth services librarian with programming. You know, back when actual humans could attend events in our public spaces. Well, PP was a small fry then, and already he had built a bit of a reputation.
The library hosted a once a week afterschool program for the K-5ish crowd, and our children's librarian Miss M being the kind person that she is, got a grant from the USDA to provide the kiddos with an afterschool snack. Like all government offerings however, this snack thing came with an extra bit of something extra, a USDA inspection.
My care about the impending inspection was firmly in the I don't department, but I didn't like to see my estimable coworker fretting. She made sure that every grant requirement box was checked. There was a protein offered, every kid signed in after they washed their hands, there was a fruit to be eaten by all, packaged correctly according to USDA guidelines, and so on.
I assumed my usual duty assignment at the handwashing station, because as anyone who is around younger children knows, they can turn a simple task into a complex algorithm of infinite destruction. Noah's Flood probably had less water volume spread about than that hand washing station, but I digress.
Everything was in play, the kids were getting their snacks, when suddenly, there she was, the USDA inspector lady! Of course, just as she stepped into the room with her clipboard full of checkboxes, the first thing she saw was PP, and what was that delightful creature doing you might ask? Well, he was licking, yes licking, applesauce off of the countertop.
Like I told you, the kid is something.
Today, he was in full Persistence mode. At our library you get an hour of computer time with your card, and if there is no waiting list, you can get an hour extension. Well, PP and his crew logged on after running over from the middle school, and sure enough as their computer time drew near to a close, people came in to use their computer time too. Thanks to social distancing guidelines, our already limited amount of computers are now severely scarce, and I just knew that PP was going to make a scene as my co-worker wrote a name down on the computer waiting list, for the paragon of preposterous behavior was the first one to have his computer time come up.
"Make those two give that guy and girl their computers," PP bellowed like a self-righteous water buffalo who's nostril contained an errant mucus-seeking fly.
"That's not how it works,"my super patient, parent of 8 children co-worker replied, "That wouldn't be fair. You'll all have to come off and then I'll give you all a guest pass for the next computers that open up."
PP mooed a bit at this and stalked off to finish his remaining computer time. I knew the scenario wasn't over.
He spied me about fifteen minutes later and went in for the kill, "Can I have more time?"
"No," I replied, my voice laced with cyanide coated syrup, "You know people are waiting."
"But there's gonna be one open computer, I need to play Roblox, you know I am stuck here until five." He wheedled on. His tone kinda reminded me of a cow moose in heat who is trying to seduce a rusting motorcycle, with a hint of Veruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory thrown in. I was both slightly annoyed and strangely amused. The kid was relentless in his pursuit of procuring more computer time. What would PP do next?
Over the next thirty minutes a series of musical computer chairs commenced. PP convinced multiple kids to let him use the rest of their computer time as they gradually left the library. It was a beautiful bit of peer manipulation that robbed me of crushing him with my pre-prepared strategy. I was waiting for him to hit me again with his whiny requests, and was going to hold the carrot of, you better leave me alone heathen, I don't have to give you a guest pass for extra time, it is only out of my benevolent will that I shall bestow one upon you. We have played this game before you see.
Instead, PP went for a different strategy, hopping from one computer chair to another, like some sort of reverse Robin Hood, exploiting the minutes left on his departing peer's cards and passes. Every time I looked up from washing items he was in another section of the library, furiously playing Roblox or whispering Musk knows what into his schoolmate's ears. I mean, what sort of persuasive magic could this kid be weaving?
Then it came time for me to depart for the day. I leave an hour before closing on Mondays. I was already a bit bemused and slightly flummoxed by PP's leveling up when it came to his computer usage behavioral interactions, when he came up to the circ desk, handed me his headphones, and said, "Have a nice day."
The smile didn't reach his eyes.
I now know that not only do I have a worthy opponent to do computer use time battle with, but I also have some new tactics to look forward too. The days of slurping applesauce off of the counter are long behind us, little PP is growing up.
I applied for a position at a library several years ago, and as I read your many anecdotes, I realize what a good thing it is they didn't hire me. My patience ran out about 10 years ago. So did my tact.
LOL! I'm not gonna lie, I would like to see you in action, lol! It would be a thing to behold.:)
Loved this story. There's always one....
I’m glad you enjoyed it.:) And yes, you are so right, there’s always one, I’m just never sure which one will come in on any given day, lol lol!
This is the same little shit whose sister had a bad fall on the ice, and as I was calling the paramedics because she was not getting up and complaining she shouldn't move, he was pestering me for a computer pass, right?
Yes, it is the same little Tsetse fly of persistence and sanity pestilence.😂