My heart bleeds for you dear Terry. Sorry about the memories lost, that can hurt bad. I pray Jehovah takes this pain away, you won't lose your mind, you can't. There's too much in there, too much at stake. Your mom is in a glorious place. It still hurts, but it's a consolation. She sees, she prays you stay strong.
Life is a gift, and an apology. We thank God regardless.